


50 Shades Of Destiel

by DestielNochester



Series: 50 shades [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 50shades, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Supernatural - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-17
Packaged: 2018-02-15 23:32:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 64,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2247507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielNochester/pseuds/DestielNochester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak has a dream about becoming a journalist. One day he applies for a internship at the big magazine M!. What happens when Castiel finds himself falling in love with the handsome CEO Dean Winchester and learns about his little secret?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This book contains acts of BDSM. It will involve graphic sex scenes, bad language and use of alcohol and drugs.

“What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two.”   
― Jarod Kintz

 

Cas tugged nervously at the end of his sleeve while his bestfriend and roommate Anna Milton was staring him down. He had never in his life been more uncomfortable and he felt the urge to just turn around and walk out the apartment door.

“Now?” she asked “how was it?” her facial expression was tense as she grinned and her eyes were big. He red hair was resting on her tense shoulders and she looked like a lioness ready to jump at her pray. She was waiting for his answer, not his actual answer, but the answer she wanted to hear. She wanted him to tell her that it was amazing and that he had never experienced something better. Truth was, nothing had happened. The most action her friend, Meg, had gotten was a hug when he left. He wasn’t interested in her that way, he wasn’t interested in any girls that way and he was thinking maybe it was time to tell her. He could lie and tell Anna what she wanted to hear, but he figured Meg would tell her the truth anyway. Nothing happened.

“Anna…” Cas started and looked down at his shoes, they were a pair of old converse, they were once white, but now they had more a greyish tone to them, but he liked them, they were comfortable and he wouldn’t trade them for anything “listen, I’m…” Cas sighed and moved his eyes up to meet Anna’s “Nothing happened”.

He quickly walked past her and into the living room, placing himself on their couch, a brown, leather couch that would make a farting noise every time you moved, which was extremely awkward when you invited new people to come over. Anna turned on her heals and placed her hands on here sides, making her baby blue shirt lift and revealing a small part of her stomach.

“What do you mean nothing happened? She has had an eye for you for, I don’t know, forever and you tell me nothing happened. I don’t believe it. Spill”

Cas sighed and looked down at his hands, twirling his thumbs and swallowing hard. “I’m telling you, nothing happened, because-“ Anna cut him off “because?”

Cas raised his head to look at her and raised one eyebrow “If you would let me finish you’d know”

Anna let her arms fall down and she slowly made her way over to Cas and sat down beside him, she looked at him with concerned eyes “this is really important isn’t it?” Cas nodded “I can see it. You’re like an open book” she continued and placed one hand around Cas’ shoulder.

Cas looked down at his hands again and let out a shaky breath “nothing happened, because-” he stopped himself. How was he going to say it? How would be the right way to say it? Was there a right way? He figured he might as well just say it as it is and get it over with “because, I’m not interested in her that way. Not in any girls, actually… Anna, I’m…” he swallowed hard and Anna pulled him in for a hug.

“I’m so sorry Cas” she said “So, so sorry” she pulled back and looked into his eyes “Why didn’t you tell me sooner. If I knew I wouldn’t have pushed you into dating Meg. I’m sorry.”

Cas chuckled a bit and dried a tear, unaware that he had been crying “It’s okay. Don’t be sorry. You didn’t know.”

Anna gave him a reassuring smile “but now I do. And,”  she stood up and almost jumped a little when she did and pointed a finger at Cas “we’re going out. We’re getting you a hunk”

“Anna I-“ she cut him of “No Cas, we are going out. To celebrate”

“Celebrate what?”

She giggled “you coming out. That takes a lot of courage and we are going to celebrate” she reached out a hand “C’mon Cas, it’ll be fun. When was the last time you did anything fun?”

Cas thought about it. It had been a long time since he actually went out and did anything fun. Ever since school started he had been so caught up in all the work that he had just forgot about having fun. He had spent countless of nights with his nose buried in his books while everyone else had been out living their lives. He stood up and gave Anna smile.

“Great!” she exclaimed “Let’s go”

“Now?” Cas asked “don’t we have to change or something?”

“Nah, you look great, and I’m not interested in getting anyone tonight” she grabbed Cas’ hand “Come on now”

     The bar was crowded and the air was thick. Cas had a hard time breathing because of all the people and the lingering of smoke in the air. Of course Anna would pick this bar, the only one where they were allowed to smoke inside. Neither of them smoked, but Anna liked the smell of it for some reason. Cas was worried that the smell would glue to his clothes and never get off no matter how much he would wash them. The music was loud and the bass was so violent that he couldn’t hear the lyrics, if the son even had lyrics. This reminded more of a club than a bar, but it was called The Bar, so a bar it was. Really creative name, Cas thought to himself. He glanced over at the counter to see if he could catch a glimpse of Anna, she had been gone for fifteen minutes buying them drinks, maybe she got someone tonight after all.

Cas was looking at the people dancing in the corner of the room where the dance floor was. It wasn’t big, but it was something. Cas figured they had made it that small so people would have to stand close. This whole place was just a big room for people who wanted to get laid. Cas wasn’t interested in getting laid, so he sat in the booth and he had no intentions about leaving.  Suddenly Anna plumped down in the seat in front of him and handed him a beer.

“I should have worn a more skanky shirt” she said and laughed, Cas laughed too and then they just sat there in silence, drinking their beer. It wasn’t much use in talking, seeing that they could barely hear each other.

“Did you hear?” Anna suddenly said loud enough for Cas to hear it.

“Hear what?”

Anna leaned over the table and Cas did the same thing so they could hear each other easier. “He’s back in town. It was all over the newspapers and on TV too.”

“Who?” Cas asked and Anna shook her head.

“Winchester” she said “that magazine guy that you like so much” she took a short break and grinned at Cas “now I know that you really like him”

“Shut up” Cas playfully pushed Anna back and straightened up himself.

“You do. It’s so obvious. Can’t blame you, he’s hot” she took a sip from her beer and Cas rolled his eyes.

It was true. He liked him, he was hot. Dean Winchester, manager of one of the biggest magazines in the world. Handsome, rich and successful, he was overall perfect. Winchester was the whole reason Cas wanted to become a journalist. He wanted to badly to work for him. He was young too, only 25 years old. It was incredible, to be so successful in that age. He had been since he was only 19. No one knew how, but no one really cared. He was back in town. Last thing Cas remember reading about him was that he was moving to New York 5 years ago and he hadn’t heard much about him since. Now he was back in California. Cas wondered why.

“I’m surprised you didn’t know” Anna suddenly said, snapping Cas out of his thoughts.

“I’ve been too busy with school to pay attention to anything else around me” he shifted uncomfortable in his seat.

“I know” she pushed her bottle away and leaned over the table again “maybe you’ll bump into him” she winked and Cas could feel his face flushing red. He looked the other way only to see two people making out right next to their table. He coughed a little and looked at his beer, reading the label over and over again.

“Maybe…” Cas drifted away thinking about meeting Winchester.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I feel like dancing” Anna said and jumped out of the booth “coming?”

Cas shook his head and Anna shrugged, disappearing into the crowd. He wasn’t really in the mood for dancing, he was never in the mood for dancing. It just wasn’t his thing. He was always off beat and he would feel so stupid and stump on other peoples feet and trip. He was so clumsy. He could barely walk without tripping, let alone dance. He moved his index finger over the bottle cap and let his mind drift off.

He could feel his cheek and ears go hot while thinking about Winchester. He had spent hours looking at pictures of him on the internet and in other magazines, reading interviews with him and he had of course bought every exemplar of his magazine. M!. That was the name M!, Cas found it weird only having one letter for a magazine name, but it was a magazine for men, so the M made sense. There was a lot about cars and boats, some facts about animals, historical facts and of course, naked women. There would be a new cover girl every month and there was always a big picture of her on the cover. She was never nude in the cover picture, she would always wear some sort of underwear and maybe covering her boobs with her hair or leaves, sometimes different types of food, but if you opened the magazine and went to the middle of it, you could see all of her. That didn’t interest Cas. He read all the other articles and gave the poster away to his friend Adam, whose room was covered in posters of the nude women from M!. This was the magazine Cas wanted to work for. He wasn’t interested in taking pictures of the poor lady having to pose naked, no he wanted to work with the historical pages. History had always been one of Cas’ biggest interests and if his dream didn’t come true, he would become a history teacher.

Cas was deep into his thought when Anna came and pulled him out of the booth “We’re going home. Now!” was all she said while dragging Cas out the front door and angrily walk down the street. He was startled and stopped for a minute so he had to run to catch up with her. He placed one hand on her shoulder and stopped her, turning her around and looking into her eyes.

“What happened?” he asked worried and then Anna started crying. Cas pulled her in for a hug and she buried her face in his chest. She didn’t say anything, she just cried and Cas figured something bad must have happened on the dance floor. He didn’t want to ask any more questions, she would tell him eventually.

     Back in the apartment Cas made Anna a cup of tea and handed it to her. She was sitting on the couch with a blanket wrapped around her. She took the cup and gave Cas a weak smile before taking a sip and placing the cup between her legs.

“What happened back there?” Cas asked as he sat down and placed one arm on the back of the couch.

Anna sighed and turned her head to look out the window “just some creep being nasty. Nothing big really, I just, got uncomfortable. That’s all”

Cas tilted his head slightly and let his hand slide from the back of the couch and down to Anna’s hand. She quickly turned her head towards him and Cas could see a tear escaping the corner of her eye and making its way down to her lip. He used his other hand to remove it with his thumb.

“Was this creep Michael?”

Anna frowned and nodded before she started sobbing and Cas pulled her in for a hug, holding her tight.

Cas swore he was going to kill Michael. He was Anna’s ex-boyfriend and he had been all sweet and nice to her until one day when he forced her to sleep with him and then a week later he cheated on her with Naomi. Anna of course broke up with him and then he decided to become nice again, buying her flowers, showing up at the door with presents and inviting her out for dinner. Anna forgave him and then he did the exact same thing. If there was one person on this planet Castiel couldn’t stand it was him and he thought to himself that Michael was lucky Cas didn’t see him, because he would have beat the shit out of him. Castiel didn’t think of himself as a tough guy, but he could throw a punch if he wanted to. Cas was still holding Anna, stroking her hair, rocking her back and forth, trying to comfort her, until she fell asleep. He gently laid her down on the couch and pulled a blanket over her. He kissed her on the forehead and walked into his bedroom, closing the door quietly, trying not to wake her.

     The next day he woke up by the sound of a glass hitting the floor and shattering into a thousand pieces. He fumbled out of bed and rubbed his eyes, yawning at the same time. He slipped into a pair of grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt before walking out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. He saw Anna sitting on her knees picking up the pieces of the broken glass. Cas slowly walked over, carefully, trying to avoid stepping on any glass.

“Everything alright?” he asked Anna and she nodded, fully concentrated on getting all the pieces. “Do you need any help?” Castiel offered, but Anna shook her head and gestured with her hand for Castiel to leave the room. When he turned around to leave her alone he caught a glimpse of her phone lying on the counter. He picked it up and read out loud.

“Please, Anna, baby, take me back. I love you so much. I will never hurt you again. Your Michael”

Anna’s head shot up and she was quickly on her feet, looking at Castiel, begging with her eyes, but Castiel just continued.

“I don’t know… Michael… Can I trust you?”

“Of course you can. I love you”

“I love you too. I’ll meet you later.”

“Sounds good baby”

Castiel placed the phone back down, eyes glued to Anna. Neither said a word and you could feel the tension. Anna’s breath was quick and her hands were shaking. Castiel was calm.

“Cas… I-“ Anna started but Castiel cut her off “Are you serious?” he shouted and Anna jumped, the pieces of glass fell out of her hands.  “Yesterday you said he was a creep and now you’re saying you love him and you’re going to _meet_ him. I can’t believe you right now.”

Anna looked down, ashamed.

“What’s wrong with you? You know he will just hurt you again. He’s not good for you. You can’t actually-“ Cas continued but didn’t get to finished before Anna blurted out “I love him okay! If you had ever loved or understood love you would have understood this. A potato understand more about love than you!” she ran by him, picking up her phone in the process, and out into the hallway and picked up her shoes “if there’s anything, you can call, I’m going to be at Meg’s” and then she was out the door, leaving Castiel in the kitchen with the glass spread all over the kitchen floor. He sighed and started cleaning up Anna’s mess. Like ha always did and it seemed like this time it would be more than just this glass he would have to clean up.

     Later that day Cas was walking down the busy street, he didn’t have any classes today so he decided to just take a walk, clearing his mind. Anna was being ridiculous. _She will never find true love if she keeps going back to Michael_ , Cas thought for himself. He pushed his hands down in the pockets of his jeans and looked at all the people around him. Some man dressed in a suit dropped his phone and Cas believed he just yelled every swear word that existed. He laughed a little and kept walking. A woman was wiping ice-cream of a little boy’s mouth and an old couple was walking hand in hand carrying one white plastic bag each. Castiel wanted that, someone to grow old with and still be in love with after all those years. He smiled at the old couple as they passed him and they smiled politely back. After walking for a while he found himself outside the office building for the magazine M! on Grand Avenue. He must have been walking for at least half an hour to get here. He just stood there, eying the place up and down. He wanted to work there so badly. He was just about to turn around and walk away when he his eyes caught a man in a black suit walk out from the elevator inside the building. It was him. Castiel’s body froze and he was just staring at Dean as he walked through the lobby, waved at the lady behind the desk, as he walked out the front door and over to his car, a black Chevrolet impala, 67’ it could look like, Cas wasn’t really into cars, but he knew brands and the age of the model on most cars, then he drove away.

Castiel just stood there, watching in the direction Dean Winchester had just driven away, he was completely frozen. He had never been this close to Dean, never had he thought he would ever get this close to him. He could still smell the cologne from when he walked past him. It was a strong sent and it had burned  itself into Cas’ nose. He could feel a tingling feeling in his fingertips and his heartbeat was fast. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. He had been so close to Dean Winchester, he could have just reached out his hand and touched him. Then Castiel started thinking about touching Dean and he had to shake his head to avoid those types of thought. He couldn’t get a boner in public and he could feel one was growing. He coughed a little and started on his walk back home, all the way, thinking of Dean.

     Cas put the key in the lock to open the door only to find it unlocked. He slowly opened the door and yelled “Anna?!” but no one replied. He closed the door gently behind him and kicked of his shoes and walked slowly into the living room only to find Michael and Anna making out on the couch. “What the hell?” Cas blurted out and both Anna and Michael jumped. Anna quickly stood up and walked towards Castiel.

“Cas, please don’t-“ Castiel pushed her aside and glared at Michael.

“Get out!” Cas commanded and Michael gave him a confused look. “Why?” he asked “Anna want’s me here and last time I checked this was hers apartment too”

Cas clenched his fists. It was true, part of it. It was originally Castiel’s apartment, but he had invited Anna to live with him. She paid half the rent and did as much around the apartment as Cas, but at the end of the day it was still Cas’, but there was no way he could pay for it alone.

“I don’t care if Anna want’s you here. You have your own place. Use it! I don’t want to walk in on you two making out. If you absolutely have to be here, then use Anna’s bedroom.” Castiel had a really hard time keeping himself calm, all he wanted to do was slam Michaels head against the wall.

Michael slowly stood up, both hands up in the air, eyes never leaving Cas. He walked around the little brown coffee table and over to Anna. He gave her one quick kiss before heading for the door. “Wait!” Anna shouted and then turned to Cas “You’re an ass, you know that” and with that both her and Michael was gone.

Cas sat down at the couch, head in his hands. He was so done with Anna going back to Michael all the time. He thought to himself that this time he wouldn’t support her when it all went downhill again, but he knew that he would. He cared to much for her not to and he knew she would have been there for him no matter what.

     Later that night Cas was sitting on the couch, drinking tea and surfing on the internet. He was searching for a job. He was working part time at a little diner, but he would be done with school after this semester and he didn’t want to work in that diner for the rest of his life. He wanted to be a writer for a magazine, mostly for M!, but he would take anything he could get and then maybe he could work his way up. He was scrolling though some adds when he saw one that caught his attention.

**_Magazine M!, now hiring interns. Unpaid internship, with the possibility of a spot in the team as a secretary. Apply now, uptake May 16 th. _ **

Cas looked at his calendar, May 5th. He still had time. He clicked the link and read about the internship, before sending his resume. Now all he had to do was wait.

He couldn’t believe he had just done that. Sent his resume to M!. He wanted to tell Anna about it, but she was probably still mad at him for what happened earlier, he probably should apologize. He picked up his phone and texted her.  
  
 **To Anna:**  
     Anna. I’m sorry for what happened earlier. :(

_Sent._

_Text received._

**From Anna:**  
     It’s okay. I understand. No bad feelings. We’re cool.

Cas smiled for himself, she had never been the type of person to be mad for a long period of time. Now he could tell her.

**To Anna:**  
     Do you want to know something cool? I just sent my resume to M!. They’re hiring interns for a unpaid internship.

_Sent._

_Text received_.

**From Anna:**  
     Oh my God! That’s awesome Cas! Good luck! They’ll pick you I just know it! :D

Cas replied with thank you and put his phone back at the table. He was staring at the computer screen. He still couldn’t believe he had just done that. First he sees Dean Winchester, not did he just see him, he smelled him and he couldn’t get the smell of his cologne out of his nose and now this. Castiel closed his eyes and prayed for them to pick him. They had to pick him.

     Anna was hanging over Cas’ shoulder as he opened his mail. He had been checking his mail for a reply from M! ever since he sent his application. It was now May 16th and if he had no mail today, there was no chance he would ever get one. Anna held tight on his arm, resting her head on his shoulder as they waited for the screen to load.

He covered his mouth and Anna screamed, hugging him tight. He kept staring at the screen. He couldn’t believe it.

___________________________________________________________________________

**From:** [dean.winchester.ceo@mmagazine.com](mailto:dean.winchester.ceo@mmagazine.com)

**Topic:** Internship application

**Date:** May 16 th 2014 , 09:03am

**To:** Castiel Novak

Dear Castiel Novak. We have read your application and we are happy to inform you that you have been chosen as one out of twenty for an interview for the internship.

Your interview date is May 18th , 10:00am at the office building for M! magazine.

Dean Winchester  
CEO  
M! magazine Inc.

___________________________________________________________________________

“Oh my god Cas! You got in!” Anna squealed and hugged her bestfriend so tight he could barely breathe. He released her grip and let out a small laugh.

“It’s just an interveiw. I haven’t gotten anything yet” He said trying not to get his hopes up, this could go either way.

Anna playfully punched his shoulder “you won’t get anywhere with that attitude”.

“You’re right”

Cas let his yes focus on the computer screen. He read the mail over and over again and just in case, he saved Dean Winchester’s email as Dean Winchester. He might have use for it later. Anna saw what he did and giggled, earning Cas’ attention.

“What?”

Anna leaned back into the wall and closed her eyes “You’re so hot for him Castiel”.

“I am not” Castiel said trying to sound offended.

Anna just laughed, eyes still closed and then she leaned forward, staring at Cas. “You need new clothes!”

“P-pardon?”

Anna jumped off from the armrest on the couch and picked up her keys and her phone “you need a suit. You can’t go to that interview in your old jeans and hoodies. Come on. Don’t you want to look your best for Mr. Winchester?” She teased.

Cas threw a pillow at her and she laughed.

“You know you do. For all you know, he might be into guys too”

“I doubt it”

“Come on Cas, I’m serious. They won’t choose you if you walk in there looking like a homeless person”

“Excuse you?”

Anna sighed and pulled Cas off the couch, she forced him to put on his shoes and then they left the apartment.

     Walking down the busy street again, Cas was looking at all the people, taking notice to every little detail. Anna kept talking about school and how easy it was and how much free time they had. Cas didn’t pay much attention and suddenly he was pulled into a clothing store.

“We’re here!” Anna exclaimed and started looking at suits.

Cas looked around, feeling very uncomfortable, they lady behind the desk gave him a judgmental look and he looked down at himself. He was wearing a pair of old sweatpants and a black hoodie and of course his white and grey-ish converse. Anna had just dragged him out of the apartment, not giving him a chance to change and now he was standing in a fancy suit store looking like some homeless man. He shifted nervously on his feet and his eyes started searching for Anna. He eventually found her at the end of the store holding a black blazer.

“What about this?” she asked and Cas frowned, he had never really liked suits that much.

Anna sighed and turned around and walked over to the judgmental lady behind the desk.

After a lot of back and forth Anna finally got Cas to try on a black suit, white shirt and a blue tie. She almost had to drag Cas out of his converse to get him to put on the patent leather shoes. Cas looked at himself in the mirror and Anna was standing behind him grinning. He turned around a few times and fixed the blazer at least a hundred.

“Now?” Anna asked and clapped her hands together.

“I don’t know…” Cas hesitated for a moment and moved his feet to look at the shoes. “I don’t really like suits”

“I don’t care” Anna turned to the woman “We’ll take this one”

Cas kept staring at his reflection and the more he looked at it, the more he liked the suit. He could get used to this, it didn’t look that bad. He turned around to close the curtain to change back into his own clothes when he saw a beige trench coat hanging on the wall on the opposite side of the room. He walked over to it, almost in trance, and without thinking he put it on and walked back to the mirror. Anna looked at him and walked over to where he was standing.

“Cas?” she asked and Cas turned to look at her “It suits you. I say we take this one too”

Cas nodded and let his eyes drift back to his reflection in the mirror. He liked this.

     After paying for the overprized suit and the all too expensive trench coat they decided to get something to eat and ended up at a little café not far from their apartment. They didn’t anything more exciting that day. Anna kept talking about how Cas would walk into Dean’s office wearing that suit and they would fall deeply in love and get married and have children and every time she mentioned it Cas would change the subject, because he didn’t want to think about something that would never happen. As far as he knew, Dean Winchester was straight and there was no way he could change that. Castiel didn’t think of himself as something special, just an average guy, not someone who could turn a straight guy gay.

     “I’ll pick you up when you’re done. Okay?” Anna said to Castiel before he closed the car door and waved a goodbye to Anna. She mouthed good luck and then she drove away. Castiel turned around and looked at the building. He took a deep breath and tried to clear his thoughts before walking towards the front door, opening it and waling in.

The air inside the building was cold, they probably had air conditioning, and there was a red leather couch in one side of the room, with a black coffee table in front of it with some magazines spread across it and a big green plant on the left side. There wasn’t really any outstanding smell, it smelled clean. He slowly walked over to the front desk and the lady behind it smiled at him. She had brown hair that reached her shoulders and her name tag read _Ellen Harvelle_. She looked like she was mid thirty.

“May I help you?” she said, her voice was soft and a little raspy.

“Uh, yes. My name is Castiel Novak, I’m here for the internship interview”

Ellen looked down at her computer and Castiel was so nervous he just wanted to run out the door and call Anna. He tugged on his shirt collar and when Ellen looked up she gave him a comforting smile.

“Just go to the elevator and take it up to the fifth floor. Mr. Winchester’s office is at the very end of the hall” she gave him another smile and Cas smiled politely back.

Before he entered the elevator he looked back at Ellen, only to receive yet another smile.

     The elevator door opened and Cas stepped out. A man, probably around fifty years old rushed by him and almost knocked him over. Cas apologized but the man mumbled something about paying attention while walking away. Cas rolled his eyes and started walking down the hall. His heart was beating fast and he didn’t know where to place his arms or how to move them, it also seemed like he had forgotten how to walk, because he must have tripped at least six times on his way over.

A young man, skinny, with light brown hair walked out of Dean’s office and closed the door. As he passed Cas they exchanged a smile and Cas turned around to look at the young man before he disappeared into the elevator. He took a deep breath and walked over to the office door.

**Dean Winchester CEO**

Castiel read the sign on the door over and over again before placing his hand on the door handle and slowly opening the door. This was it. He was about to meet Dean Winchester. He felt a little starstruck as the door opened a revealed the office. The walls where white and there was a huge window on the east wall, showing off the whole outside, like a picture and on the west wall there was at least twelve diplomas and a few pictures of some cars. All the furniture were black, expect for the metal lamp in the corner. Right next to Cas there was a black leather couch and a green plant, similar to the one in the lobby. On the wall in front of him was a bookshelf covering the whole wall, filled with books and in front of it was a big black desk and behind it he could see Dean Winchester sitting, staring at him. Cas felt as if he was eying him, checking him out, but Cas shook that thought out of his head and closed the door.

Dean Winchester gestured for Cas to sit down at one of the chair in front of the desk. Cas, who had forgotten how to move his feet, stumbled over and almost tripped and had to support himself on the back of the chair so he wouldn’t fall to the floor. He could see Dean Winchester crack a smile as he slowly placed himself in the black leather chair with a metal frame. Dean Winchester looked at his computer and closed it quickly after, folding his hands at the desk and let his eyes fall on Cas.

Castiel looked straight into Dean Winchester’s eyes, he knew the color, hazel green, but they were more hypnotizing in real life than in the pictures. Cas couldn’t make himself look away from his eyes and then he realized that Dean Winchester was looking back into his eyes and his stomach dropped. He swallowed hard, but still he couldn’t look away. He didn’t want to look away.

“So” Dean started, without break their eye contact “Castiel Novak, right?”

Cas nodded.

“You’re here for the internship?”

Cas nodded again.

“Okay, so, do you have any experience with writing?”

Cas nodded once again and Dean laughed.

“You know, this will be much easier if you answer my questions with words.”

Cas coughed a little and finally managed to look away from Dean Winchester’s eyes, but now he didn’t know where to place them, so he looked at the desk. There was a closed computer, black of course, a tiny flag, some pens and some paper, and of course a name sign that read _Dean Winchester CEO._

“Are you nervous Novak?” Dean asked and snapped Cas out of his thought about what could happen on that desk if-

“Y-yeah, a little” Cas managed to say, trying to avoid looking into his eyes.

“Don’t be, I won’t bite” Cas looked at Dean and he was giving Cas a crocked smile, showing some of his white teeth. Cas felt his stomach drop again. He nodded and looked down at his lap.

“You nod a lot, well, it’s cute” Dean said and leaned back in his chair.

Cas’ head shot up and his eyes were big. _Did Dean Winchester just call me cute?_ He thought to himself and Dean was once again giving him that crocked smile.

“Okay, we’ll do it like this. I will ask you some yes and no questions, because you are obviously very nervous, and you just nod for yes or shake your head for no, got it?” Dean leaned forward over his desk and folded his hands in front of him again.

Cas nodded.

“Good” Dean smiled and opened his laptop again.

     The interview took around frothy five minutes and Dean asked simple yes or no questions and Cas nodded or shook his head to everyone. Dean would repeatedly give him that crocked smile at Cas could have sworn that at some point he winked at him. Making Cas’ stomach drop for the third time. Dean’s questions came to an end and Cas got ready to leave when Dean asked one final questions that made Cas’ heart almost stop beating.

“Do you want to go get something to eat?”

     Back home in the apartment Cas kicked of his shoes and threw his trench coat on his bed before walking into the kitchen, when he saw Anna sitting on the kitchen table tapping the keyboard on her computer. _She’s probably talking to Michael_ , Cas thought and opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water. He hear Anna’s laptop being closed and the sound of a chair being dragged across the floor filled the silence, the fridge door closed and Anna was staring right at him.

“Where were you? I waited for you, but you never came outside. I was worried sick about you. You didn’t answer your phone either.”

Cas walked past her and sat down at the kitchen table, Anna did the same thing, eyes glued to Cas.

“I was out eating lunch” Cas said, not meeting Anna’s stare.

“Alone?”

“No”

“Whit who?”

Cas lifted his head and smiled “Him”

Anna tilted her head, not completely sure about who Cas meant.

“After the interview” Cas continued “he asked if I wanted to go get something to eat”

“After the-“ Anna stopped halfway through her question and yelled out “NO WAY!”

Cas just grinned and nodded, holding the bottle of water in front of him.

“Tell me everything”

Cas shrugged “Well, he asked, I managed to nod, and he took me to this restaurant, a fancy one. We ate, talked and then he drove me back here. Nothing more”

Anna squinted at him “I don’t believe you. I mean, I believe the lunch part, but not the _nothing more_ thing you just said. Cas? Spill!”

Cas could barely hold his excitement as he said “We’re having dinner tomorrow”

Anna squealed and ran over to hug Cas.

“I’m so happy for you Cas. You’re like dating Dean Winchester now” Cas hugged her back and he couldn’t stop smiling, he was, sort of, dating Dean Winchester.

     Later he was sitting in the couch on his computer while Anna was watching some horrible reality show on TV, when he got mail. Anna turned her head at the sound and when she saw Cas’ smile she ran over to read it with him.

___________________________________________________________________________

**From:** Dean Winchester

**Topic:** Dinner tomorrow

**Date:** May 18 th , 11:09pm

**To:** Castiel Novak

Great interview today, also, great lunch. We’re still on for dinner tomorrow right?

Dean Winchester  
CEO  
M! magazine Inc.

___________________________________________________________________________

Cas looked at Anna who mouthed reply and Cas started typing.

___________________________________________________________________________

**From:** Castiel Novak

**Topic:** Dinner tomorrow

**Date:** May 18 th , 11:14

**To:** Dean Winchester

Thank you for the lunch, it was great. Yes, we are, if you still want to.

\- Castiel Novak

___________________________________________________________________________

“You’re so dating him now!” Anna said and playfully pushed Cas’ head to the side.

“Maybe…” Cas replied.

“Maybe? Hello! Lunch today, dinner tomorrow. That’s two dates. There’s no maybe here”

Cas just laughed a little, then he got a reply. Scared to open himself, Anna did it for him.

___________________________________________________________________________

**From:** Dean Winchester

**Topic:** Can’t wait to see you again

**Date:** May 18 th , 11:26pm

**To:** Castiel Novak

Of course I want to. I’ll pick you up around eight, if that’s alright with you Cas.  
Is it okay if I call you Cas?

Dean Winchester  
CEO  
M! magazine Inc.  
___________________________________________________________________________

“Hey! That’s my nick name for you” Anna pouted and Castiel laughed, bending his head back.

“Not anymore”

Anna crossed her arms over her chest, trying to look angry, but it didn’t take long before she smiled and Cas started typing.

___________________________________________________________________________

**From:** Castiel Novak:

**Topic:** Cas

**Date:** May 18 th , 11,34pm

**To:** Dean Winchester

You can call me Cas if you want to. Eight is fine.  
Goodnight.

\- Castiel Novak  
___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

**From:** Dean Winchester

**Topic:** Goodnight

**Date:** May 18 th , 11:44pm

**To:** Castiel Novak

Goodnight Cas. See you tomorrow.

Dean Winchester  
CEO  
M! magazine Inc.  
___________________________________________________________________________

Cas closed his computer and after talking with Anna about his dinner date with Dean for hours he finally went to bed, not able to stop thinking about those hypnotic hazel green eyes and that crocked smile. Dean Winchester was even more perfect than he could have imagined.


	2. Chapter 2

     “God morning sunshine” Anna said tiredly as Cas walked, or more correctly, dragged himself into the kitchen. They both had classes today and they had been up for too long the night before talking about Dean Winchester. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but they both regretted it now. Anna was taking a sip from her coffee as Cas slumped down at the chair, he pulled the plate closer to him and threw one slice of bread on it. He looked at the eggs in front of him, too tired to understand what to do with them.

“We’re so screwed. I’m so going to fall asleep during class” Anna said an moved her index finger around the edge of the yellow and blue striped cup.

Cas nodded and decided to just eat the dry bread, too tired to care for the eggs, if he couldn’t figure them out, he wasn’t going to eat them.

“How long is yours?”

“I have two, one is one hour and the other is two and a half” Cas answered, mouth full of dry bread, some of it fell out and landed in his lap “what about you?” he poured some orange juice in his glass and took a sip to remove the dryness of the bread.

“One, two hours and forty five minutes” she yawned and scratched the back of her neck, looking out the window.

     It was sunny today and Cas waved Anna goodbye as they headed to their class. Cas was wearing his trench coat, Dean mentioned that he liked it during lunch. He didn’t feel like wearing the suit at school, but he would wear it later when he was having dinner with Dean. His mind was so caught up in Dean Winchester, that he didn’t notice that the front door was shut and he walked straight into it, falling to the ground. He moved his hand up to his nose to see if he was bleeding, letting out a relieved sigh when he didn’t. He stumbled onto his feet and used his hand to massage the back of his neck. He must have stretched something.

     Inside, people were rushing to their classes, someone dropped their papers and desperately tried to pick them back up before some other would kick them away. Someone was standing in the corner making out and another pair of people was sitting in the staircase, almost blocking the way for everyone else. Cas looked at all the people while walking to his first class, math. He didn’t find it necessary, but it gave points and he needed all the points he could get. While walking he bumped into his friend, Adam Milligan.

“Hey Cas!” Adam said and gave Castiel a high five.

“Uh, hello”

“I’m going to the cage tonight, with Michael and Lucifer. Do you want to join?”

Cas gave him a look of _are you fucking serious?_ And Adam got the message “Right, Michael… Well, I’ll see you around” Adam waved at Cas as he disappeared in the ocean of people.  

The cage, it wasn’t anything special, just a little club in the back alley somewhere. It was where all the young people would go every Friday. Cas had been there two times because Anna practically forced him to go when she had just started dating Michael. He had of course brought Adam, because he knew he was going to end up alone when Anna found Michael, and now, Adam had become best friends with Michael and his other friend, Lucifer. Castiel didn’t care for Michael, but he thought Lucifer was okay, even though he was a little sketchy and he also believed that Lucifer was the one who introduced Michael to Naomi, resulting in Michael cheating on Anna, twice. Cas shrugged the though off and continued walking to class.

     Math was horrible. Castiel could never get the hold of it and his math teacher, Metatron, didn’t make it any better. He was always so angry and he would constantly complain about how he should be the principle and how the current principle, Chuck, didn’t do a good enough job. Castiel was happy when class was over and he could leave that horrible room. Next one was history and that was Castiel’s favorite class, he also liked the teacher Bobby. He was calm and sometimes he could crack a joke that would make the whole class laugh, but everyone respected him. He was fair and no one dared to make him angry because he got really angry. When someone did something stupid or didn’t pay attention to class, he would call them _idjit,_ and then the whole class would laugh for a while and the class would continue.

Bobby knew a lot about a lot of things and he had this old book with a lot of facts that he had lent to Castiel a few times. He had read thought that book so many times he had almost memorized it all and he had started to make his own. Just in case he became a history teacher in the future. He wanted to the type of teacher Bobby was.

     Of course when class started, some guy was late and Bobby would call him “Idjit” and the class would laugh. Castiel always paid attention in history class. He was so eager to learn more and Bobby had said that you can never learn enough, there are always new things to be discovered.

     When class was over Castiel walked out to meet Anna at their usual spot, but there she was standing, making out with Michael. Castiel took a deep breath and slowly walked over. Anna pulled away from Michael and waved at Cas.

“Hey Castiel, are you coming to the cage with us?” Lucifer asked and Michael glared at him “What?”

Cas shook his head “No, I have plans”.

Anna grinned and gave him a hug whispering “Good luck” before pulling away and getting into Michael’s car. Cas waved at Anna as they drove away and then he started his walk home.

He liked walking, he could take notice to all the things around him and even though he had his driver’s license, he didn’t want a car. He preferred walking and it kept him somewhat healthy, not that he cared much, but he thought about it every once in a while.

While he was walking down the street he was humming some song he didn’t remembered the name off, but he had heard it on the radio once or twice. He didn’t know the lyrics and only one part of the melody had gotten stuck in his head. His peaceful humming got interrupted by a car stopping by his side, engine growling and breaks squealing. He turned his head and saw a black Chevrolet impala, 67’ model, and when the passenger seat window rolled down he saw the beautiful hazel green eyed man, with the name Dean Winchester, smiling at him. Cas bent down to look into the car.

“Are you stalking me?” Cas asked and Dean chuckled, turning his head to look forward.

“Maybe” he turned to look at Cas again “maybe not” he shrugged and gave Cas the brightest smile Cas had ever seen. “I was just driving by and I saw that trench coat and I knew it was you so I decided to ask if you wanted a lift”

“How could you know it was me? It could have been someone else” Cas held is hands on the doorframe and his head was almost inside of the car.

“Okay, I guessed, took a shot, but hey, I was right” Dean fired up the engine and the growl was so loud it made a few bypasses turn their heads. “Jump in”

Cas didn’t think much about it, he opened the door and got into the passenger seat. Cas looked at Dean and he smiled at him before turning up the volume on the stereo and AC/DC filled the car. Cas rolled his eyes, but Dean didn't notice or maybe he didn't care. Cas thought about it. Maybe Dean was the type of guy who didn’t care much about the people around him, maybe he only cared for himself. Cas found that very annoying, but also very attractive and it irritated him. That someone could be so annoying at so attractive at the same time. It made him want to hate Dean, but he couldn't, because he was just too perfect to be hated, something that made Cas want to hate him even more.

     The drive was silent, only the constant noise of banging drums and squealing guitars kept it from being too awkward. Cas was staring out the window the whole time and he didn’t realize that they had reach his apartment and that the car had stopped, not before Dean put his hands on top of his.

“We’re here” he said and removed his hand again, all to sudden Cas thought and looked down at his hand, resting on his lap. It seemed like Dean took notice to Cas looking at his hand and quickly got out of the car and ran over to the other side to open the door for Cas. He looked confused at Dean first, but got out of the car and then Dean slammed the door shut.

“I’ll see you again at eight?” Dean asked but at the same time confirmed, as if it was a question, but Cas didn’t have any other choice than say yes. He nodded and Dean gave him that crocked smile again, but this time it was more a devilish smirk. It sent a shiver down Cas’ spine and he hoped Dean didn’t notice.

“Good” he said and started walking back around the car, opened the door on the driver’s side, but stopped and looked at Cas for a moment, before sighing and getting into the car. He gave Cas one quick wink before he drove off and Cas was standing, in the middle of the street, alone. He waved back, but not before the car was out of sight and his brain was functioning again. Dean did something to him, paralyzed him, made him unable to think and move. It was dangerous. Dean was dangerous, Cas knew that, but he couldn’t stay away.

     Cas was standing in front of the mirror, trying to make his hair stay in its place. He had this one curl that wouldn’t do as it was told and Cas was so close to just cutting it off, but that would just lead to him having one, small, bald spot on the top of his head. After trying to get it to stay in place for fifteen minutes he gave up and just let it be. He picked up his tie from the kitchen chair and placed it around his neck, struggling to get it right, but he got it, somewhat correctly, after a while. He took one quick glance at the watch hanging on the wall. Half past seven. Dean would be here in thirty minutes, so Cas had time to check his mail real quick. He didn’t get much mail, only someone from his teachers and some commercial adds and of course, Dean. Everyone else sent text messages.

He opened his computer and he saw he and one mail, from him.

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Dean Winchester

 **Topic:** Dress code

 **Date:** May 19 th , 5:57pm

 **To:** Castiel Novak

Formal.

Dean Winchester   
CEO   
M! magazine Inc.

___________________________________________________________________________

Cas looked at the mail, just one word, _formal_ , as if Cas wouldn’t know better than to show up in a pair of old jeans and a worn out t-shirt. Cas knew, judging after where they ate lunch, that the place Dean would pick out for dinner would be even more fancy and Cas knew he would feel underdressed, even if he wore a suit. Cas decided not to reply. He didn’t seem the point, what would he write? _Okay?_ _Fine? Got it?_ It would just seem stupid, so he closed the computer and picked up his phone. Quarter to eight. He placed his phone in the left pocket on his suit pants and picked up the blazer lying next to him. He put it on and then he just stared at the wall until he heard the familiar roar of the engine on Dean’s car outside. He quickly picked up his trench coat and threw it on before stepping into his patent leather shoes and running down the stairs.

     As Cas thought, the restaurant was way too fancy for his taste and everyone was dressed in tuxedos and evening dresses, even the waiters were dressed as if they were going to a wedding. Cas felt so under dressed in his suit and it didn’t help him standing next to Dean, who was dressed in a navy blue tuxedo that looked like it could have easily cost a million dollars. They got shown to their table, a small round one right by a big window with a view over the whole city. It was beautiful and Cas found himself just standing there, staring out. He shook his head and turned to look at Dean who was already sitting down, supporting his head by resting his chin on his folded hands, elbows down at the table, looking at Cas. He felt a little uncomfortable and tried not to fall while making his was over to the chair.

“Do you like it?” Dean asked, still looking at Cas.

Cas nodded and Dean laughed, someone turned their heads, but Dean didn’t seem to care, he just kept laughing.

“What?” Cas asked a little annoyed.

Dean used his thumb to wipe away a tear and took a deep breath before he locked his eyes on Cas.

“Every time I ask you a question, you just nod”

“And?”

Dean shrugged “It’s adorable”

Cas turned his head to look out the window again, but it didn’t take long before a waiter came over to take their orders. Cas looked down at the table, he hadn’t even looked at the menu.

“We’ll have two of the chefs special and a bottle of your finest wine, thank you” Dean said it so casual and Cas started wondering how many times he had done this, how many he had brought to this place, ordered the same food, said the exact same things and what was going to happen when they were done here.

     The food arrived their table really quick, almost too quick, as if Dean had called beforehand and told them that they were coming and told them what he was going to order. It was lobster. Cas had never tasted lobster before, but there’s a first for everything he thought to himself as he lifted one of the claws. Dean chuckled a little and Cas placed the claw back down, wiping his hand at a napkin.

“Tell me about yourself” Dean said and looked up at Cas, face turned down towards the dead sea creature on his plate.

“There isn’t really much to tell” Cas said and started playing with the salad around the lobster with his fork.

“Well, tell me what there is to tell”

Cas thought about it for a moment, what was there to tell? My name is Castiel Novak, I live in an apartment with my bestfriend Anna, I go to school, I like history, I want to become a journalist and my dream is to work at your company? Oh and did I mention that I have had a crush on you for, I don’t know, forever. Cas’ mouth shaped into a thin line before he opened and said “My name is Castiel Novak and this is the first time I’m having lobster”.

Dean laughed again and put down his knife and fork. He picked up the bottle of wine and poured some into Cas’ glass, then his own. He lifted his glass and held it towards Cas “to your first time eating lobster”.

Cas looked at Dean confused, but lifted his glass and let it meet Dean’s. The sound of the two glass hitting each other echoed in the room and Dean took a sip, smiling as he placed the glass back down. Cas copied his motion and then picked up his fork again, looking at Dean, trying to figure out how to eat this creature in front of him.

     After being quiet for a while, eating what he could, Cas decided to ask Dean as question. “Tell me about yourself”, copying Dean’s question to him.

Dean dropped his knife and fork and couched, eyes slowly moving up to meet Cas’ stare. He didn’t say anything, he just looked at Cas, before picking up his fork again saying “Let’s eat, not talk.”

“Why?” Cas asked

“Because I said so!” Dean snapped and Cas’ mouth opened wide.

Dean placed his fork back down at the plate and used his hand to wipe around his mouth.

“I’m sorry” he said “I just, don’t like talking about myself”

Cas frowned, Dean Winchester, doesn’t like talking about himself. He looked like a guy who couldn’t wait to get a question where he could talk about himself for hours at a time, which made Cas very confused and yet again asked “Why?”

Dean picked the napkin up from his lap and threw it on the plate before standing up, “I think it’s time to take you home.”

Cas felt is heart fall hard in his chest.

“I didn’t mean to say anything wrong”

Dean sighed and placed himself back down at the chair “I know, Cas, I know. I just-“ he stopped and looked around “we shouldn’t have this conversation here” he whispered and Cas suddenly felt a lump in his stomach.

He knew there was something about Dean, something that made him dangerous, but if it was something that couldn’t be spoken off in public, then he must be really dangerous. Cas was debating if he should just get up and leave now and never think of Dean again, but he was so curious about what it was Dean wouldn’t tell him out in public, so he decided to play a little with his luck.

“Then let’s talk about it at your place”

“No”

“Why not?”

Dean gave Cas a look that made Castiel feel like the bad guy here, but he was going to stand his ground, “Why can’t we go to your place? Don’t say because you don’t have one, because I won’t believe that for a second. So unless you live in a dungeon like Dracula, I say we go to your place.”

Dean sighed and looked away from Cas for a moment before looking back at him, but his eyes were different, they were darker, a darker shade of green, as if something had possessed him in that second he looked away and Cas was very frightened about that.

“Fine, Cas, we can go to my place, but remember, no matter what happens, you wanted it”

Cas swallowed hard and he could feel his pulse when Dean stood up and started walking towards the exit, turning around in the door to see if Cas was coming or not. Cas threw his napkin on the plate and quickly got up and followed behind Dean all the way to his car. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that something bad was going to happen.

     Dean parked the car outside an apartment building, but he held his hands on the steering wheel, just looking out the front window for a long time, even though the car was still. Cas was tempted just to ask Dean to drive him home, this was making him feel more and more afraid, but his curiosity was too great to let this one slide so he got out of the car and started walking toward the entrance on the building. He heard the car door shut and then he hears Dean’s footsteps behind him.

Inside the lobby there wasn’t much more than a front desk and a few plants and two elevators. Dean smiled politely at the man behind the desk and then he walked over to the elevators, pushing the ‘up’ button. While they were waiting, none of the said a word, Dean was looking at the numbers changing at the little screen above the elevator doors and Cas was looking at everything in the lobby. It all looked so, exclusive.

One of the elevator doors opened and Dean gestured of Cas to walk inside before he got in himself and pushed the button saying ‘15’. The button turned yellow and the elevator doors closed. They were standing next to each other, side by side, and Cas swore you could cut the tension with a knife. He was facing front, but in the corner of his eye he could see Dean. His face was emotionless as he stared at the elevator door in front of them, as if it told a story. The numbers on the little screen changed, 2, 3, 4. Cas took a deep breath, as if he was going to say something and Dean turned his head slightly, but not a word came from Cas’ mouth. 8, 9, 10. Cas moved his eyes all over the elevator, the floor, walls and roof. He tried avoid looking at Dean. 13, 14, 15. The elevator said _‘ding’_ and the doors  opened. Dean let Cas walk out first and Cas started thinking that Dean was a true gentleman. Cas wasn’t really sure which door lead to Dean’s apartment so he let Dean pass him and just followed behind him. Dean stopped in front of a black door and the number said _317._ He pulled up a key and unlocked the door.

     The first thing Cas saw when he walked in was a huge window, covering the whole wall and a white couch in front of it, with a white coffee table and a white rug. He heard the door close behind him and the sound of Dean’s shoes against the parquet floor was southing. It echoed thought the whole apartment. Cas walked further in and saw that the living room and kitchen were one room, but it was too big. There were more door on the wall and this apartment seemed to go through them all. Cas turned towards Dean who was in the kitchen pouring some whiskey into a glass and taking a sip from it.

“How?” was all Cas managed to say and for the first time since they left the restaurant, Dean smiled.

“I bought the whole left side of this floor and made it all one big apartment. Wasn’t allowed to remove the door though, but they don’t have a number on them anymore. They’re all 317.”

Cas turned back around and walked further in, he saw a few doors, two on his right and one in front of him. Without turning to face Dean he asked “Can I?” which to Dean replied “knock yourself out”.

Cas opened the first door on his right and it revealed a big bathroom. It was tiled with white tiles and there was one toilet, but two sinks next to each other and two mirrors and a shower that could easily fit two people. He closed the door and walked over to the next one, feeling Dean’s eyes follow him as he did.

Inside of the second door was a bedroom, same size as both the living room and kitchen together. There was giant bed placed in the middle of the room and the whole west wall was a closet. On the east wall there was a picture of a sunset on a beach, the waves hitting the shore. This room was also completely white except for one red chair in the corner with the picture and a black lamp standing next to it.

The third door revealed yet another bedroom, this was smaller, but the bed was just as big, but there was only one closet and no picture. As the rest of the apartment, this room was also white and Cas found it odd that his whole apartment was white, but his office was nothing but black. Cas closed the door and turned around.

Dean was now sitting on the couch, still watching Cas as he walked over to sit down next to him.

“Any questions?” Dean asked and took a sip of his whiskey.

“Yes, actually, I have two”

“Just ask, I have the answers”

“First, how come your office is all black, but your apartment is nothing but white?”

Dean smiled, obviously relieved about the question. “You see, it’s like this. Black makes me focus and at work, I need to focus, but white, it makes me relax and at home I need to relax”

Cas nodded in agreement and he could see smile, suddenly he had three questions, but he was only going to ask the original two. Why Dead liked when he nodded could wait for another time.

“And second, how come you have two bedrooms when you live by yourself?”

Dean took a sip from his glass and placed it down on the table in front of them, before placing his arm on the back of the couch and turned his body to face Cas.

“It’s for when I have guests” Cas nodded, but then Dean continued “special guests.”

Cas eyes grew big “W-what kind of special guests?”

“You know, the occasional one night stand and so on”

“And so on?”

“It’s complicated”

Dean picked up his glass again and took another sip, arm still on the back of the couch. Cas looked at him. _And so on._ What did he mean by that? And why would he have a separate room for one night stands? Isn’t it normal to fall asleep in the same bed after you-

Suddenly Cas had a million questions, not only three.

“Am I?”

Dean laughed a little and placed his glass back down.

“You don’t have to be rude about it”

Dean let his eyes fall on Cas’ and Cas could feel his heart stop beating, there was something in his eyes.

“I don’t know. Are you?”

Cas suddenly felt very uncomfortable and although he wanted to stand up and run away, he couldn’t. His feet wouldn’t let him, so he sat put, trying his hardest to avoid having eye contact with Dean.

“You know” Dean started “When we were standing in that elevator, I had a hard time keeping myself from pushing you up against the wall and have a go at you”

Cas turned his head to look at Dean in shock and he saw Dean biting his bottom lip, looking at Cas’ lips before moving his eyes back up at his. Green meeting blue.

Cas swallowed hard, unable to reply to what Dean just said. _Have a go at you._ Cas swallowed again, Dean still gazing into his eyes, as if he was trying to read his soul, then he suddenly looked away and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“But I have rules that need to be followed. I can’t just make out with you in the elevator. That would be nothing but trouble for both of us.”

Cas’ mind had a hard time wrapping itself around all of this. Rules? What rules? There was something really weird about Dean Winchester and Cas had to figure out what.

“What rules?”

Dean didn’t reply, he just sat there with his eyes closed and Cas could have sworn he heard a silent moan deep down in Dean’s throat.

“You’re the first man, Cas” Dean opened his eyes and looked at Cas again “You’re the first man I have brought to this apartment” 

Cas couldn’t take his eyes of Dean, he couldn’t say something to reply, he just waited for Dean to continue. He had to know more, but he was unable to ask questions. He was paralyzed.

“It has always been girls, but there was something about you” Dean bit his lower lip again “when you walked into my office, all clumsy and nervous. I don’t know, man, it just, you did something too me. I felt drawn to you and I just had to get to know you.”

Cas was in shock. Dean Winchester, the most perfect man alive, was drawn to him. Castiel wasn’t anything special, just a normal citizens, trying his best to get through the day without falling in front of a bus or something.

“I had to find out if you were right”

“R-right?”

“You are. Or?”

“Right for what?”

Cas jumped at his own voice, finally able to speak properly and it scared him a little. As if he had forgotten how his voice sounded. Dean winked at him and stood up from the couch. He walked over to a white desk at the other side of the room and opened one for the drawers. He pulled out a stack of papers and walked back over to the couch and sat down, handing the papers to Cas.

“You take these, read them, properly. Do research on the internet, send me mail with questions if you must and when you have read it all and when you understand it, we can meet again and discuss this further” Dean said and placed his arm on the back of the couch again.

“Is there a manual on how to date you?”

Dean laughed “not date, I don’t date, Cas. You just read this, then you will understand, but you have to be a hundred percent sure before you sign it. When you have read it we’ll discuss it and adapt it to fit the way you want it. We’re two in this and I want it to be as good for you as it’s going to be for me”

Cas gazed at Dean with wide eyes, having a firm grip on the papers. There was something really weird about Dean Winchester and Cas was about to find out exactly what.

“But” Dean continued “You cannot tell anyone about this. This is between you and me, okay?”

Cas nodded as he swallowed hard.

“Good” Dean took a deep breath “God, I sure hope you are willing to do this”

Cas tiled his head and gave Dean a confused look.

“I want you so bad Cas!”

     Cas was sitting on his bead, looking at the stack of papers. The front read Contract and nothing more. He hadn’t opened it to read it yet. Dean didn’t want him to read it while being in his apartment and he hadn’t dared to open it yet, even though he had been staring at it for at least an hour. He opened the drawer on his night stand and put the stack of papers down in it before closing it and lying down in bed. Unable to fall asleep right away, his mind filled with questions about Dean Winchester. 


	3. Chapter 3

One week had passed and Castiel had still not opened the **Contract**. Castiel wasn’t sure if he wanted to read it, if he at all wanted to know what was written on those papers. He didn’t want sign a contract to be able to date Dean. Oh wait, that’s right, _he doesn’t date_. Cas thought as he walked to class. Someone bumped into him and pulled him out of his thoughts. He shook his head and entered the classroom. Dean Winchester consumed his entire mind, this could not be good.

     In history Bobby was talking about the ancient Greek and their colosseums. How they were built, why they were built that exact way and what use they had.

“If you were in the upper class you were seated down here” he pointed at the bottom of the drawing he had made on the black board “and if you were poor you were seated here” and he pointed at the top, “either way, you could hear them just as well because of?” he looked around class and one student, a girl, Cas didn’t know her name, raised her hand.

“Because of how it was built so the sound echoed, plus they were wearing masks that worked at megaphone” she said and Bobby nodded in agreement.

Cas didn’t say anything, didn’t answer one question and didn’t raise his hand to ask a question and Bobby gave him a concerned look as he left the classroom. Castiel was too busy thinking about Dean Winchester and his current ongoing history to care about ancient history.

     Castiel rushed back to his apartment, only to arrive with less than fifteen minutes to change and get his ass down to the diner where he worked, he would never make it in time. He pulled the door on his closet up and it almost jumped out of the hinges. He looked through all the clothes and found his uniform in the very back. He quickly put it on and took a quick glance in the mirror. A white shirt and a blue vest, a pair of light blue jeans and his name tag red Castiel. He frowned, the vest was all too big and he felt so uncomfortable. He really hoped they would pick him for the internship so he could get a job there and quit this stupid part time job at the stupid diner, with all the stupid people and this stupid uniform. Everything there was stupid.

     As Castiel expected, he was ten minutes late and his boss didn’t care that Cas had been at school. He told him to get to work and Castiel did so. He started cleaning the counter and filled coffee in people’s cups, only to receive a grunt and one shushed him away with his hand. Castiel swore he could kill someone. He hated this place. He didn’t like his coworkers, he didn’t like the customers and he hated that little bell that would ring every time a new stupid customer walked in. He heard the bell and turned around to ask what the stupid customer wanted, but when he turned around he saw that this stupid customer wasn’t so stupid, he had hazel green eyes.

“Just a coffee” he said and smiled at Castiel.

Castiel nodded and turned around to get the can, but he was shaking so much, it was hard to pick it up, it was even harder pouring the hot liquid into the small white cup without spilling it out over the whole counter. He slid the cup towards Dean with a shaky hand and took a depp breath as he placed the can back down next to the coffee machine before tunring around to face Dean again.

“A-anything else?” Cas said with a shaky voice and Dean chuckled.

“No, I’m good”

He took a sip of the coffee and Cas was just watching him. He watched his hazel green eyes, his pink lips, his perfect jaw line, his light brown, golden-ish, hair, his freckles, he had freckles, Cas hadn’t noticed that before, and it made him even more attractive. An old man couched and Cas turned his head.

“I’ve been trying to get your attention for over ten minutes, boy” he said and waved with his cup.

Cas nodded and poured some coffee in his empty cup, but didn’t receive a thank you or a simple smile, the man continued to read the newspaper and Cas wanted to just pour the rest of the coffee over him. He walked back over to where Dean was sitting, in his black suit and red tie. He didn’t fit in with the rest in this diner. He was overdressed.

“So” Dean started “Did you read it? I haven’t heard anything from you”

Cas looked around, there weren’t many people here. It was the old man reading a newspaper, a mother and her two kids, a group of teenagers that Castiel knew he had to kick out because they hadn’t ordered anything yet and another old man eating pie looking out the window as if he was waiting for someone. He was a regular. He always came in, ordered two slices of pie, but only ate one while looking out the window. Castiel felt sorry for him, maybe he had had a wife once and maybe she passed away, and maybe the used to eat pie at this diner. He felt a lump in his stomach. His eyes ended up at Dean and he leaned down over the counter and whispered

“We shouldn’t have this conversation here”.

He leaned back up and saw that Dean was smiling, deeply, his smile was digging itself into his cheeks and Cas couldn’t help but smile a little himself.

“Touché” Dean said and lifted his cup toward Cas before emptying it and standing up.

“When are you finished here?”

Cas took a glance at the watch.

“Two hours”

“Good”

Dean left and Cas was standing there, confused. Again he had a lot of questions that he would probably never get the answer to because Dean wasn’t the type of person to answer his questions in a way that left him with answers, only more questions. He continued wiping some coffee of the counter, but again he couldn’t get Dean Winchester off his mind. There was something about him and Castiel had a feeling Dean wanted him in a way that Castiel wasn’t completely ready for, just yet. There was something in the way he asked him to read the contract, and the fact that there was a contract, but Dean didn’t date so it wasn’t a contract for dating, so there must have been a contract for something else. Something dirty maybe and if there was a contract there must be rules that needs to be followed, and that makes it dangerous, very dangerous, but then again Cas had never done anything dangerous in his whole life and maybe it was time he did.

     Outside the diner Dean was standing by his car, politely smiling to the people walking by him. When you saw him like that he didn’t seem like a man who would take you home and give you a contract saying I want you and then leave you with a million questions for you to figure out yourself. He was a complex man and Cas wanted to figure him out. When Dean saw Castiel walk out from the diner he lifted his head and smiled, but it wasn’t the same smile he gave to other people, Cas found this smile a bit darker.

Cas got into the car and the engine roared before Dean started driving. The music was loud and Cas found that shouting, he was afraid Dean would ask him about the contract, but with loud music playing, you couldn’t really keep a conversation going. He was looking out the window and then he wondered, _where are we going?_ He turned his head to look at Dean who had his eyes glued to the road and his mouth was a thin line. He looked nervous as well, maybe he was just as afraid of the talk about the contract as Cas. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again, figuring there was no use. Dean then turned down the music and took one quick look at Cas as saying _what was it?_ Castiel took a deep breath.

“Where are we going?”

“Home”

“Which home?”

“Yours”

Castiel didn’t say anything else. He felt rather offended. Dean had never asked if Castiel wanted him into his apartment and Castiel never invited him. Dean just assumed it was okay for him to come. Castiel looked back out the window and let his mind drift off.

He was thinking about everything from the people walking outside and the things they did to beaches and sunsets and waves, but those thought made the thought of Dean creep back into his mind, because he wanted to see those things with Dean. Walk down the beach, hand in hand, with the sunset in front of them, telling stupid jokes and laughing because they were just happy, not because the jokes were funny. Castiel never thought jokes were funny. He never got them and that made them boring.

The car stopped and Castiel was now looking at his apartment. He turned his head to look at Dean.

“Can I come in?”

Castiel’s eyes opened in shock, _so he was going to ask after all_. Cas looked forward and he swallowed hard, _this is probably not a conversation to have in public_ , he thought and he gave a small nod before opening the door and jumping out of the car.

     Inside the apartment Castiel kicked a pair of Anna’s shoes out of the way, he looked for her bag, but it was nowhere to be seen, _she’s probably not home yet_. Castiel hanged his trench coat on the coat stand and Dean did the same with his blazer. Cas looked at him, under the white shirt he could almost see his muscles and he head to force himself not to stare any longer. That would have been awkward. Castiel walked into the living room and he could feel Dean walking behind him. Dean sat down at the brown leather couch and as Cas thought, it made a farting noise.

“That, was not me” Dean said with big eyes.

“I know it was the couch. I’m sorry.”

Dean looked around, eyeing the place and Cas suddenly felt very uncomfortable. His apartment wasn’t even near as big as Dean’s and it wasn’t as nice. Compared to Dean’s apartment, his looked more like a hole in a wall.

“Can I get you anything?” Cas asked and Dean just shook his head, still eying his apartment.

“Nice place. It’s, cozy” Dean suddenly said and Cas sat down in the couch next to Dean.

“Do you live alone?”

“No, I live with my bestfriend”

Dean narrowed his eyes a little “Who’s your bestfriend?”

Cas frowned, did he catch a glimpse of jealousy in the way he said that?

“Uh, her name is Anna and we’ve been bestfriends for as long as I can remember”

Dean nodded and his head moved to the left and then to the right, up and down.

“Are you looking for anything?” Cas snapped.

“No” Dean laughed “I’m just looking at your apartment”

“And?”

“I like it”

Cas stood up and walked out to the kitchen, he needed a break from Dean. Cas found him very annoying at times. He never did anything special, he just managed to annoy Castiel in ways no one had ever before him. Cas didn’t understand why, maybe it was because liked him so much, but couldn’t let himself like him so his brain found ways to-

His thought’s was interrupted by a small couch and Castiel turned around and he saw Dean standing in the door frame.

“You know, Cas, it’s rude to leave your guest alone like that” he walked towards Castiel “I was bored”

“I-I’m sorry?”

Dean laughed “I’m joking, there’s nothing to be sorry about”

He walked around Castiel and his head moved, he was eyeing his kitchen as well.

“If you want to buy the place, just say it”

Dean laughed again and shook his head.

“Okay, enough small talk” Dean sat down at the kitchen table “Have you read the contract?”

Castiel swallowed hard, here it was. He slowly walked over to the kitchen table and sat down on the chair across from where Dean was sitting. He looked down at the table and shook his head. He could hear Dean sigh and his head moved back up. Dean was looking right at him.

“Why not?” Dean asked and Castiel turned his head towards the window.

“I haven’t had time yet” he lied, he hadn’t read it because he was afraid of what it would be. Castiel had his thoughts, but he didn’t want those thought confirmed or denied.

Dean nodded and looked around the kitchen. “Where is it?”

“In my nightstand”

“Can you get it?”

Cas looked at Dean and Castiel thought he saw a bit of disappointment and sadness in Dean’s eyes. It was odd, his eyes were never sad or disappointed, they were always somewhat dark and superior, like his eyes thought they owned the world. They were beautiful, hazel green, and Cas found them hypnotizing even though they were dark, but he found them even more hypnotizing now that they showed a hint of weakness. Cas stood up and walked into his bedroom, he took his time, looking at the nightstand before slowly opening the drawer, stroking his hand over the paper before lifting it and turning around. He jumped and almost threw the papers up in the air when he saw Deans standing in the door frame.

“Nice bedroom” he said and walked in, placing himself on the bed “comfortable”. He bounced up and down a little before settling to rest and leaned back a little, supporting his body with his hands.

“Thanks, I think” Cas sat down beside him, placing the contract on his lap.

“Can I?” Dean asked an reached out his hand.

Castiel placed the contract in his hand and Dean flipped through the pages before placing it on his right, away from Cas.

“Are you taking it back?”

Dean raised an eyebrow at Cas and then looked down at the contract “Shouldn’t I?”

Cas looked down at his lap and shrugged “I don’t know”

Dean sighed “You’re confusing me, always leaving me with a million questions”

Castiel’s head quickly turned towards Dean, eyes big. Did _he_ leave _him_ with questions?

“How?”

Dean smiled “I don’t know, you just do. There’s something about you Cas and I can’t get a hold of it”

“What is there about me? I’m nothing special, just an average guy” Cas said lowering his head a little.

“Don’t say that” Dean said with a commanding voice, it almost turned Castiel on and-

“why not?”

Dean turned his whole body towards Castiel and he did the same.

“When you walked into my office, wearing that suit and that trench coat you had my curiosity, but when you looked into my eyes and those blue eyes of yours shined a little and you just nodded to everything I said you had my interest. There was something submissive about you and I like that”

“Submissive?”

“Yeah” Dean said breathing out “You’re a natural submissive, or at least it looked like it. I could be wrong”

“You’re very wrong” Cas snapped and Dean’s eyes grew big.

“I guess I was” Dean sighed and stood up, picking up the contract “I should be on my way then”

Cas looked at the wall in front of him “Yes you should”

Dean started walking out, but stopped in the doorframe “It was nice meeting you Castiel” he said before he left and Cas could hear the front door shut. He let out a sigh and laid down on his bed. After a few seconds he covered his face with his hands, _stupid_ , _stupid_ , _stupid_! He groaned and threw his hands down on his sides. He was this close to getting Dean Winchester and he just had to blow it. Why didn’t he just read that stupid contract? Why didn’t he just agree to being a natural submissive? Why didn’t he ask what he meant by natural submissive? Maybe Cas was one after all. He couldn’t know, because he wasn’t entirely sure what Dean meant by that. He closed his eyes and just let the feeling of regret creep under his skin when the doorbell rang. Castiel sat up, wondering who that could be. Anna had a key and the door wasn’t locked and Cas wasn’t expecting any quests today. He jumped out of bed and walked over to the door, opening it slowly just in case it was a murderer or something.

“I just forgot one thing and then I will leave you alone I swear” Dean said and Cas raised one eyebrow.

“And what is tha-“

Cas didn’t get to finish his sentence before Dean’s lips where on his. He could feel Dean’s hand cup his chin and at first he was in shock, but it didn’t take long before Castiel melted into the kiss and let his arms find Dean’s waist. Dean pulled away and Cas didn’t realize his eyes were still closed before he could hear a small chuckle from Dean. He snapped his eyes open and coughed a little.

“Good bye Castiel” Dean said and disappeared down the stairs.

Cas was standing there in the open door, just looking at the empty stairs. Dean Winchester just kissed him. He let his hand move up to his face and he touched his lips with his fingers. He could still taste him, he tasted a mix of mint and coffee. That was how Dean Winchester tasted. He could still feel the softness of his kiss. That was how Dean Winchester felt. He didn’t know for how long he had been standing there, but suddenly a pair of waving hands snapped him back to reality.

“Hello? Cas?” Anna said and Cas shook his head, unaware of where he was or what time it was.

“Uh, hello” he replied still looking down the stairs.

“Are you okay?” Anna put one hand on his shoulder and turned him around, leading him back into the apartment and closing the door “What happened?” 

“He kissed me”

     Castiel’s alarm went off and he slammed his hand on top of it before looking at the digits. 09:10 am. It was Saturday and Cas had forgotten to turn off the alarm before falling asleep and he buried his face in his pillow screaming why. He  tiredly pushed himself up and pulled his computer up on his lap, opening his mail first. He had one mail and of course it was from Dean.

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Dean Winchester

 **Topic:** Kiss

 **Date:** May 28 th , 11:46pm

 **To:** Castiel Novak

Dear Castiel.

I am sorry for just leaving you like that. I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m sorry. I just had to, I couldn’t resist it any longer, but now I can’t think of anything else. It was a stupid move and now I have to live with the consequences. You do something to me, man, I can’t explain it. This always used to be so easy, but with you, you’re no ordinary man Castiel.

     I want to take you out to dinner again, like a date. Forget about the contract for a while, but not push it completely off the table. I still want you to read it. I just think you would like to get to know me first, am I right? That’s why you didn’t read it, because you were scared. Am I right or am I completely lost? Either way I would like to take you out, some place special, you don’t have to wear a suit. It would look weird if you did.

Please reply to this mail as quickly as possible, I can’t sleep, you consume my entire min Castiel. Why are you doing this to me? More importantly, how?

Dean Winchester  
CEO  
M! magazine Inc.

___________________________________________________________________________

Cas read the mail over and over again, he felt a little offended, but at the same time he found the mail very sweat. He was right, he had avoided reading the contract because he was scared. He was scared of what type of contract it was and what would happen if he didn’t sign it. Would Dean not want to see him anymore?

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Castiel Novak

 **Topic:** Date?

 **Date:** May 29 th , 09:35am

 **To:** Dean Winchester

I didn’t think you dated?

     It was kind of rude to kiss me and then just leave me, but I’m sort of glad you did. Not the leaving part, the kiss. I haven’t been able to think about anything else since.

Dinner would be nice and what special place does not require me wearing a suit? I don’t want to look like some homeless person. The type of places you take me to kind of make me feel like that, even when wearing a suit. Anyway, when will you be picking me up? I don’t have work today, so I’m free whenever.

And as for the what I do to you part, I don’t do anything or at least I don’t think I do, and I don’t know how I do it if I even do anything. Like I said, I’m nothing special and I am for sure not someone worth losing sleep over.

     As for the contract, I was scared to read it and getting to know you first would be nice. If you give it back to me I promise I will read it right away and give you an answer as soon as I’m done reading. I’m just scared about the content, that’s all, but there’s probably nothing to be scared of, or?

I’ll be awaiting your reply.

\- Castiel Novak

___________________________________________________________________________

Castiel placed his computer on his bed and walked out to the bathroom. When he washed his hands he looked at his reflection in the mirror. Did he do something to Dean? How? He splashed some water on his face and dried it off with his towel, before looking at himself again. _He was no one special._

Back in the bedroom he pulled the laptop back on his lap and saw that Dean had already replied. He took a deep breath and opened the mail.

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Dean Winchester

 **Topic:** I date you

 **Date:** May 29 th , 09:55am

 **To:** Castiel Novak

     I don’t date, normally, but I want to date you, for some reason. I’m glad to hear you want to date me to. I’ll pick you up at six, is that okay?

And stop saying you’re nothing special, obviously you are very special. No one has made me feel this way in a very long time.

     And the contract, there’s nothing to be afraid off. That’s why there is a contract, so it won’t be scary. It’s for safety, but don’t be afraid. Let’s not talk any more about the contract before you have read it. I don’t want to say something wrong and scare you off. Especially since there’s nothing to be afraid off. I promise.

Dean Winchester  
CEO  
M! magazine Inc.

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Castiel Novak

 **Topic:** You didn’t make it less scary

 **Date:** May 29 th , 10:15am

 **To:** Dean Winchester

     That didn’t help much, now I’m more scared, but I will read it. I agree, let’s not talk about it right now. I will understand more while I have read it.

Six is fine, and no suit? Got it.

     Can’t wait to see you again.

\- Castiel Novak

___________________________________________________________________________

Castiel closed his computer, placing it on his left and leaning his head back to the wall. Dean Winchester wanted to date him. Out of everyone in this city, in this country, in this world, the handsome and famous CEO Dean Winchester wanted to date him, the average, poring and awkward Castiel Novak. He didn’t get it. Was it because he was a _natural submissive_? And why would Dean want a natural submissive? Castiel decided to not think about it anymore, he would only overthink it and that would just result in him screwing things up with Dean. He had wanted him for so long and now that he sort of had him, he wasn’t going to ruin it by overthinking everything Dean said. He was going to be smart about this, even though that would mean acting a little stupid.

     His bedroom door opened and Anna’s head popped inside with a smile on her face. Castiel nodded for her to come in and she did, placing herself on the end of his bed, still looking at him. For a while no one said a word before Anna broke the silence.

“How are you feeling?”

Castiel lowered his head and smiled at her “great, why?”

“You were completely off yesterday. Anything I said you just replied _with he kissed me_ , and I understood that it was Dean, I’m happy for you, I was just really worried, like, did he drug you or something?”

Castiel laughed and shook his head “No, he didn’t drug me, I was just in shock”

Anna nodded, “So when are you going to see him again?”

“Six”

“That’s great, that’s, what? Date number three? You know what that means” Anna said, teasing him, but Cas just shook his head.

He thought about the things Dean had said about having rules and then there was this whole contract and Cas had understood enough to know that this was some sort of contract about something sexual, but he wasn’t completely sure about what type of sexual. He had never done it with anyone and he wasn’t the type of person to ask questions about it and no one really talked much about their sexual activities, so maybe everyone had some sort of contract. He wanted to ask Anna, but he had promised Dean to keep it between them.

“Anyway, I’m going out with Michael, I don’t know how long we’ll be out, so if you do get tome tonight, don’t wait up” she winked at Cas before leaving his bedroom singing _Cas is gonna get some_ , over and over again and Castiel just laughed. To be honest, he wanted to get some, but he sort of knew that wouldn’t happen anytime soon, not with Dean at least.

He picked up his computer to do some research. He opened up Google and typed in: **_Contract between sexual partners._**

It didn’t make him much wiser. There was some article about if HIV could develop between two healthy people and some dating ads and Q&A sites for teenagers who knew nothing about sex. Cas thought to himself that he should probably check out one of those sites one day, because he practically knew nothing. He was 21 years old, but his knowledge about sex was on the level of a 10 year old. He had never been very interested in it. Mostly because he knew he was never going to have it with a girl and because he was kind of afraid to tell people he was gay, so it would most likely never happen with a guy, that was, until now. He closed his computer again thinking that the contract and Dean would give him the answers he needed.

     It was now six and Cas walked down the stairs to meet Dean. He was wearing a pair of light blue jeans, a white t-shirt, a burgundy red zip up hoodie and of course his converse. It felt nice not wearing a tight and uncomfortable suit this time. Now he felt like he could really be himself. When he pushed open the front door he saw Dean standing there, leaning against his car, wearing a pair of military boots, a pair of dark blue jeans, a red flannel shirt with and a brown leather jacket. It was odd, because Cas had only seen Dean in suits and Cas thought he didn’t own anything else, when he got closer he saw that he was also wearing some sort of necklace. Dean looked up and gave him a smile, his hazel green eyes shining in the light of the sun.

“Well look at you” Dean said “you look great”

Cas looked down at himself and shrugged, before looking back up. “You look great too”

Dean’s smile got even wider and he opened the car door for Cas to go inside. He did and then Dean closed the door before running over to the other side and got in himself.

“No coat?”

Cas shook his head “You said to not dress fancy”

Dean let out a small and simple laugh before starting the car and driving. There was no music playing this time and Cas wondered why. Dean always had loud music playing, mostly music Castiel didn’t think very much off, but it was Dean’s car so he wasn’t going to say anything.

“So Cas” Dean suddenly said “any thoughts about where I am taking you?”

“No, care to tell me?”

“You’ll see”

     Dean stopped the car and looked at Cas, smiling. In front of them Castiel could see the beach, he turned his head and Dean’s smile was now digging itself so far into Dean’s cheeks that Cas was almost certain it would never come back down.

“You mumbled something about beaches and sunsets in the car yesterday and I believe I heard my name one time, so I thought what the hell. If Cas wants to go to the beach with me, I’ll take him to the beach”  

Cas could feel his face turn read, he had no idea he had been saying those things out loud, but he found it sweet that Dean took notice and actually did this.

“Don’t be embarrassed, c’mon now, we can’t miss the sunset, that’s why we’re here”

They exited the car and after locking it Dean walked over to Castiel and took his hand.

“You do things to me Cas”

     Cas looked down at their hands, tangled together as they walked down the shore. The waves sometimes got a little too far up and hit their shoes, but he didn’t care and it didn’t look like Dean cared much. He was mostly looking straight ahead, but sometimes, Cas caught him looking at him and then he received a smile, before Dean turned his head back facing forward.  

Cas took a glance at his watch, it was now 7:15pm and the sun was on its way down, painting the sky bright orange with a hint of pink. Dean stopped and turned them to face the ocean. They were watching the sun disappear into the ocean and Cas was sure he had never seen anything more beautiful and he couldn’t imagine experiencing this with anyone else but Dean. He didn’t want to admit it, but he found himself falling in love with Dean. Really in love.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Dean said and Cas nodded, earning a chuckle from Dean.

“What is it with you and nodding?”

Dean shrugged “It’s cute when you do it”

“I don’t believe you”

Dean laughed “Okay, okay, It turns me on”

Cas almost jumped a little and Dean took notice to his reaction and quickly added

“You’ll understand soon”

Cas almost nodded again, but stopped himself, now it made him uncomfortable to nod, so he was going to answer Dean’s questions with words from now on. At the same time, if nodding made Dean like him, he kind of wanted to nod all the time, but he needed to understand first.

     Back in the car on their way back to Cas’ apartment the music was still not playing loud, but not a word was said. Cas had the contract in his lap and he was looking out the window. When Dean parked his car outside of Cas’ apartment Castiel saw Michael’s car and he looked up at their window, the lights where on and Cas let out a deep sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked and Cas looked back down in his lap.

“My roommate has a visitor and I really don’t want to walk in on them… I bet I have to clean the couch tomorrow” he stopped and looked out the window “they always do this”

There was a short silence and Cas was about to open the door to get out when Dean said “do you want to come back to my place? I have two bedrooms”

Cas turned his head and swallowed hard.

“Don’t worry, nothing is going to happen” he pointed at the contract “remember?”

Cas nodded and looked back up at the apartment window “she’s not even going to notice that I’m gone.” Cas thought out loud before turning his head back to Dean “O-okay, thank you”

Dean smiled “no problem”.

     Dean unlocked the door to apartment _317_ and Cas walked in, taking of his shoes and placing them nicely against the wall. Dean was already in the kitchen, with his head in the fridge.

“Are you hungry Cas?” he said and took his head back out “I can make you something”

“No I’m fine” he said and sat down at the couch.

Dean closed the fridge and turned around “Come on, I bet you haven’t eaten since breakfast”

Cas tried to feel if he was hungry and he was about to turn down the offer once again when his stomach decided to copy the roar of the engine inside Dean’s car.

Dean smiled and exclaimed “I knew it, I’m making burgers”

Cas looked in the other direction, trying not to say anything stupid. He didn’t want Dean to throw him out and send him back to Anna and Michael. He sighed and turned his head and looked down at the coffee table, where the contract was lying, teasing him, yelling read me.

“You can put that in your room if you want to” Dean said, the burgers fizzed in the frying pan.

Cas picked up the stack of papers and headed over to, _his room?_ He placed them on the end of the bed and closed the door, and walked back over to the couch.

“Do you want a beer?”

Cas nodded and Dean handed him an icy cold beer.

“I assume you’re old enough to drink”

“I am” Cas said “I’m turning 22 this August”

Dean smiled and walked back to the fizzling burgers. The smell of BBQ sauce filled the whole apartment and Cas could now feel that he was actually very hungry. Dean was right, he hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast, yesterday.

     Dean walked over to the couch with two plates, one burger on each. Dean seated himself next to Cas and immediately started eating. Castiel carefully picked up his and took one bite. It was delicious, by far the best burger he had ever tasted. Dean knew what he was doing.

“Good?” Dean asked, mouth full of chewed up burger.

“Why are you talking with food in your mouth? It’s disgusting”

Dean swallowed and laughed “Sassy” he licked his mouth and Cas couldn’t help but look and for a second, he forgot how to breathe. “happy?”

Cas nodded and looked down at his burger “Yes, it’s good.”

Dean grinned and took another bite, they ate the rest of the meal in silence.

     “Goodnight Cas” Dean said before Castiel closed the bedroom door. He walked over to the severe oversized bed and picked up the contract and placed it on the nightstand. He was going to read in tomorrow, he was to tired now and he wanted to be focused so he wouldn’t miss something important. He could hear the shower turn on, _Dean is the night shower type of guy_ he though while getting under the duvet. This bed was too big for once person.


	4. Chapter 4

 Castiel woke up to the smell of eggs and bacon and he rubbed his eyes tiredly before putting on his clothes from yesterday. He didn’t have anything else here, so he didn’t have much choice, but he would rather slip into a pair of comfy sweatpants than a pair of stiff uncomfortable jeans. He tripped one time on his way over to the door, not used to having a rug under his bed.

“Good morning” Dean sang from the kitchen and Cas rubbed his eyes again, seeing the successful Dean Winchester sing and almost dance while making breakfast was something he thought he would never see.

“Uh, morning”

Cas sat down at the couch and looked around, he realized that Dean didn’t have a television. He leaned back and stared at the wall.

“That can’t be comfortable” Dean suddenly said walking past Castiel and into his bedroom, he came back out rather quick and threw a pair of sweatpants to Cas “put these on”

Castiel looked confused at Dean, but he didn’t say anything, it was as Dean could read his mind. He walked into the bathroom to change and then he realized that he didn’t bring a toothbrush. He tried to smell his own breath when he saw a brand new toothbrush, still sealed and under it was a yellow post it note.

_Morning!_   
_I believe you don’t walk around with a toothbrush in your pocket and you didn’t bring anything with you, so here you have a brand new toothbrush._   
_\- Dean._

Cas couldn’t help but smile, Dean was really thoughtful. He brushed his teeth and changed into Dean’s sweatpants. He took one quick glance in the mirror before heading back out to Dean sitting on the couch waiting for Cas to join him before eating breakfast.

“I hope you like egg and bacon” he said with a smile and instead of answering Cas sat down beside him and gave him a smile in return.

     After breakfast they were just sitting on the couch talking.

“This is very new to me” Dean suddenly said and Castiel gave him his attention.

“What?”

Dean pulled his legs up in the couch “just sitting like this, talking, escpecially to a person I’m hoping-“

Dean stopped himself midsentence and Castiel tilted his head slightly and narrowed his eyebrows “hoping what?”

Dean sighed and looked over at the bedroom door leding to the room Cas had slept in the night before.

“Did you read the contract?”

“No”

“Then this is going to be very difficult to explain. I was hoping you would have read the contract before I did. I don’t think I would have to explain if you had read it”

Castiel moved back a little “I won’t read it until you tell me what’s going on”

Dean stood up from the couch and walked a few steps away before turning around facing Cas. Castiel could feel his throat growing thick and he knew he had said something wrong, but he was not going to back down, this time he wasn’t asking for answers, he demanded them. He was tired of Dean always telling him to read the contract first, when he had no idea what the contract was about. He would maybe understand it better if he did and it would probably not be as scary. Dean seemed like a person that liked to have control, but this time Cas was going to be the chain of command. He wasn’t going to let Dean get away easily this time, he was going to answer him, even if it would take all day. Cas wasn’t going to leave this couch until he had all the answers he wanted. 

“You said it wouldn’t be as scary if I got to know you first and whatever is in this contract is obviously a big part of who you are so I want to know” Cas said and leaned back in the couch trying to be superior to Dean.

Dean took a few more steps and then proceed to walk back to the couch and sitting down, looking Castiel straight into his eyes. Castiel felt a lump in his stomach and he wanted to withdraw everything he just said, but he wasn’t going to. Dean wasn’t going to hurt him. Was he?

“It is a very big part of I am” Dean confirmed “and you made a very good point there”

“Yes I did” Cas said trying to sound confident, but the nervousness in his voice could not be hidden.

Dean took a deep breath and looked out the window behind them. “Ever heard of BDSM?”

Cas thought about it, he had heard a few things about that, but not much, he only knew about the dominant and submissive part, and then there was as if someone turned on a light in Castiel’s head. “That was why you said you thought I was a natural submissive. You’re a dominant.”

Dean nodded and confirmed what Castiel had just said “That’s correct. Is that all you know?” He turned his head to look at Cas and Castiel nodded, earning a little smile from Dean and Castiel understood why.

Dean liked that he nodded to what he said because he was the dominant and he had plans for Castiel to be the submissive, and Castiel just nodding and kind of agreeing to everything Dean said without using words must probably be something right in that direction.

“Well then, to make it simple and easy for you to understand right now” Dean started “There’s one dominant and one submissive, but you know that, the dominant own the submissive, but only on arranged days, every day except those days you’re free to do as you please. I won’t own you in a way where I decided everything you do, but I decided which sexual act we will be doing and if there is going to be use of toys or costumes, and on those arranged days you’re going to live here in this apartment.”

“Is that why you have two bedrooms?” Castiel asked.

“Yes”

“Why?”

“Because, this is not a relationship, I’m not looking for a girlfriend, sorry, boyfriend, this is purely for sexual reasons, therefor no sleeping in the same bed, also no kissing, hugging or any other act of love outside our sexual act. You can look at it as pure business.”

Castiel was listening, paying attention to every word as if he was in history class. Something about this sounded very, very wrong, but something in Castiel felt like this was right. Maybe he was a natural submissive after all.

“As said, this is not a relationship, but I am monogamous in this and I won’t have any other partner, I hope you do the same, it says so in the contract. I can’t control what you do outside of our arranged dates, if you want to sleep around you do so, but the contract says that you then have to use a condom because of the risk of deceases. If I catch some sort of sexual transmitted decease during my time with you, you will be held responsible and must pay all my medical bills, understood?”

Castiel nodded. He wasn’t able to do anything else at this point.

“This is what I do, this is who I am, and the contract will explain everything even further.”

“So this is what the contract is about?”

Dean nodded “Yes, but when you have read the contract we will adapt it to your liking and we will get an agreement on it. Does that sound okay to you?”

Castiel nodded again.

“And don’t be scared, I won’t hurt you nor do I want to. I don’t get turned on by violence, only the feeling of power. You will be in good hands and I will make sure you’re safe”

Castiel swallowed hard and nodded. It did make him more calm that Dean said he wouldn’t hurt him because that thought had been on his mind ever since this conversation started, _how badly will this hurt?_

“Is there anything else?” Dean said with a firm voice, almost as if he was having a business conversation.

“N-no… I think you covered it pretty well”

“Good”

Castiel watched as Dean got up and carried their plates into the kitchen, he couldn’t help but stare ate Dean’s ass the entire time. If he decided to read that contract and sign it, he would get to sleep with Dean Winchester, something he had dreamt about for a long time, not exactly like this, but it was something.

“Actually I have two questions”

Dean leaned against the kitchen counter “What?”

“First, you said girlfriend”

“And?”

“You know what I mean” Castiel spat and Dean smiled.

“Yes I do and yes, so far I have only been with girls, you’re the first guy”

“Why?”

Dean shrugged “There’s something about you Castiel. I can’t put my finger on it, but you’re something special” Dean stopped and Castiel was about to say something, but Dean cut him to it “and don’t you dare say you’re not, because you are”.

“I wasn’t-“

“Yes you were”

Castiel looked away for a moment and let his eyes fall on a painting of some boats out on the ocean, that he hadn’t seen before. He admired it for a minute before looking back at Dean ready to ask his second question, “how long will this contract last?”

Dean walked out from the kitchen and sat down at the couch next to Castiel.

“The original amount of time is one year, but if you want to quit before that you are more than free to do so. It’s not a binding contract and you can leave at any time, it is just for your and my safety”.

Castiel nodded, suddenly having one more question.

“Can it last longer than a year?”

And for the first time he saw a glimpse of shock and surprise in Dean’s eyes. He looked away for a few seconds before looking back at Cas, it was as if Cas had caught him off guard and made Dean Winchester unable to speak.

“I-I guess go” he replied “that has never happened before, but if we keep it going that long and you feel like staying longer, I guess we could expand the contract with a few months”.

Cas nodded and looked down at his lap. This wasn’t exactly what he had been hoping for when Dean asked him out on that first lunch together, but if this meant he could be with Dean for a year, maybe longer, he was maybe actually considering doing this. Of course he would have to read the contract and do some research before he could give his final answer, but he was almost certain he was going to say yes. It didn’t sound dangerous at all, it sounded like some sort of a relationship to Cas, although he knew it wasn’t.

“Have you picked the interns yet?” Cas suddenly asked and Dean’s head snapped back to him.

“What?” Dean asked at first, a little startled it looked like, he was probably not expecting that question “No, not yet, I still need your answer”

“Why?”

“Because, you can’t work with me if we’re going to do this.”

Cas lifted his head a little, still looking at Dean. So that’s how it was going to be. Doing this with Dean would get in the way of his career. Now he wasn’t so sure if he wanted to do this after all. He wanted Dean, he really did, but was he going to let his desire for this one man get in the way of his whole career?

“You won’t need it anyway”

“Why is that?”

Dean cracked a smile “Because, while you’re, well mine, I will give you everything you need and want, food, clothes, money, cars, whatever your heart desire. I’m going to spoilt you Cas.”

“I don’t need nor do you I want your money”

“I believe you, but I want to spoil you”

“You do that to everyone who agrees”

“No”

“What do you mean no?”

Dean laughed.

“I mean, I give them food while they live here and I give them some clothes, yes, but I don’t spoilt them. You’re special Castiel, you deserve to be spoiled”

“I don’t believe you”

Dean looked away for a moment, longer than a moment, it seemed as if he was never going to look back at Cas and Castiel suddenly felt like he again had said something wrong, that was until Dean finally turned his head, but he didn’t say anything, he was just staring at Cas, moving a little closer, inch by inch, until his lips met Cas. Not for long, but it was enough to take Castiel’s breath away. When Dean pulled away he didn’t go all the way back, he was close enough for his lips to brush against Cas when he said “You’re special”.

Castiel nodded, his forehead leaned onto Dean’s and he felt Dean’s lips on his one more time, quick, before Dean pulled all the way back and just gazed at Cas.

_I’m special._

     Castiel came home later that night and found Anna sleeping on the couch. He had spent all day in Dean’s apartment, doing nothing but talk. He had learned that Dean’s favorite color used to be black, because black was sexy and mysterious, but that his favorite color somehow had changed to blue after seeing Castiel’s eyes. Everything Dean said made Castiel fall even more in love with him, but sometimes the thought, _he probably says this to everyone he’s giving this contract_ , crossed his mind and he was snapped back to reality.

_He wasn’t special._

He had promised to read the contract tonight, but again he was too tired to do so. He just placed it in the drawer on his nightstand and sat down on his bed, just looking at the wall, thinking about everything Dean had said that day.

     Castiel was sitting with the contract in his hands, ready to read it when his bedroom door flung open and Anna stormed in, making Cas jump and he had to throw the contract under his pillow.

“What?!” Cas yelled and Anna almost fell to the floor laughing.

“You don’t have class tomorrow right?” Anna asked.

“No, I only have Monday, every other Wednesday and Friday, why?”

“Well, The Cage has 50 percent off all drink tonight and we were planning on going, we’re leaving in two hours if you wanted to join” she sat down on his bead and smiled at him.

“Is Michael going to be there?” Cas asked and almost rolled his eyes when Anna said yes.

“C’mon Cas, you don’t have to be around him, you should go out and have some fun”

“I am going to kick his ass”

Anna sighed “you’re impossible. I want you to come, bring Dean if you have to. Just get out, have some fun, live your life”.

“What makes you think I want to bring Dean?”

Anna raised one eyebrow and Castiel threw a pillow at her. She started laughing again and asked “are you coming?” and Cas nodded before she left the room. She was right, he need to get out more and have fun.

Two hours, he thought. He picked up his computer and checking his mail first had become some sort of routine, but this time there was no mail from Dean, so he closed his computer and got up to change.

     Inside The Cage there were a lot of people and the air here was even worse than at the bar. The lights were all read and it made it seem like they were in hell. I think that was the plan because there were statues of the devil everywhere. Castiel felt really uncomfortable here, but he could manage. The music in here was so loud Castiel was certain he was going to go deaf tonight and although they had just arrived he already wanted to go home. Anna pinched his arm and he gave her a smile and a thumb up, only to satisfy here and to avoid a discussion about him being a buzz kill when they got home. He looked around at all the people and then he saw Adam standing in the bar waiting for some drink. He made his way through all the people and someone slapped his ass on his way, he didn’t see who and he didn’t really care much. Adam turned his head slightly and saw Castiel walking towards him.

“Cas! Hey! You came” he yelled over the music and Castiel placed himself next to him, telling the bartender he only wanted one beer.

“Yeah, I guess I did” he laughed nervously.

“So, what have you been up to? I haven’t seen you in a while” Adam pulled the glass he got from the bartender closer to him, to have control over it, you never knew what someone in here might slip into your drink, girl, boy, they didn’t care, they wanted to get laid.

Castiel didn’t know how to answer that question, he could tell the truth and say he had been hanging out with Dean Winchester who wanted to have a domestic relationship with him and that Castiel actually considered saying yes, but Adam didn’t know he was gay and he had promised Dean not to tell anyone, so he just shrugged and said “school stuff”.

“What?” Adam yelled and turned his ear in Cas’ direction.

“School stuff” Cas repeated a little louder and Adam nodded. Castiel knew he hadn’t heard what he said, but he just let it slide.

There were so many people here that Castiel hoped that he wouldn’t run into Michael, but with his luck, he probably would, because Anna would probably drink way too much and try to make them become bestfriend. Castiel thought about it, if she really wanted to be with Michael, he could try to, if not like him, at least get along with him for her. After all, she was his bestfriend and he was going to support her no matter what choice she made. When thinking about it, Castiel was close to no better himself, considering what he was just a move of his wrist away from doing.

     A few hours had passed and a few more beers had been emptied and Castiel now found himself on the dance floor. Although he wasn’t much for dancing, he always danced if he drank enough and in a place like this, no one cared if he was off beat, they would just think he was drunker than he actually was. He was sort of drunk, but not enough to lose control. He spotted Anna at the bar and did his best to walk over there, but it seemed like the floor hated him and wouldn’t stop moving. He tripped so many times he almost lost count.

“Hey Anna” he slurred and Anna laughed.

“Are you drunk?”

Castiel leaned closer to her ear and whispered “don’t ask stupid questions”

Anna had a hard time not laughing, “what happened?”

Castiel leaned back up and hiccupped “I found a liquor store and drank it”.

Anna was laughing and Castiel couldn’t help but laugh with her, he didn’t know what was so funny, but something must have been funny because they were laughing. Then he saw Michael walking towards them and Castiel threw his hand up in the air and started waving while whispering to Anna “I secretly hate him” and then he lifted his head and smiled at Michael again. Anna was still laughing, she found drunk Cas very amusing.

“Hello Michael” Castiel said lowering his voice.

“Uh, Cas?”

“That’s my name, don’t overuse it”

Anna giggled, trying to keep herself from laughing, but that was almost close to impossible.

“Are you okay?” Michael asked, genuinely concerned.  

“Never been better my friend!”

He whispered something to Anna and she nodded in agreement, giving him a kiss before he took Castiel’s arm over his shoulder and gave him a smile, “I think we should get you home”.

Castiel pouted at Michael and he just shook his head, letting out a small laugh.

When they finally got outside, after Castiel was going to stop and look at everything and everyone, Michael placed him in the backseat of his car and got into the front. At first Cas was just lying on his back, mumbling things to himself, when he suddenly sat up and said “Take me to Dean” and almost made Michael crash into another car.

“What?” he turned his head slightly, eyes still on the road.

“Take me to Dean, his address is 3…17”

“That’s not an address Cas” Michael laughed

Castiel struggled to get his phone out of his pocket, but when he finally managed to, he found his contact list and called Dean, giving the phone to Michael.

“W-what Cas? This- yes hello?”

Castiel leaned back and closed his eyes, listening to the conversation.

“Uh, this is Michael. Castiels, uh, friend”

_Pause._

“Yes, he is very drunk”

_Pause._

“How drunk? He thinks your address is 317 drunk”

 _Pause._  

“Okay”

_Pause._

“That’s not far, I’ll have him there in ten minutes”

_Pause._

“No thank you. I don’t want to leave him alone like this.”

_Pause._

“Bye”

Castiel opened his eyes and looked at the phone in Michael’s hand, he snapped it from him and said “why did you take my phone?”

“You gave it to me”

“Oh”

     As Michael said, after then minutes they arrived at Dean’s apartment building and he was standing outside waiting for them. Michael turned around to look at Castiel.

“Is that Dean?” he asked and pointed at the man dressed in a pair of black sweatpants and a grey hoodie. Castiel leaned down, a little overdramatic, to see and he started nodding like crazy.

Michael got out of the car and went over to Dean, Castiel looked at them as they talked and then the door in front of him opened and Dean’s head popped inside.

“Hello Dean” he said with the same low voice he had used when he saw Michael.

“C’mon Cas” Dean said leaning further into the car and took Cas’ hand “let’s get you to bed”.

He pulled Castiel out of the car and he had to support Castiel, if not, he was going to hit the ground, hard.

“My legs aren’t working Dean” he said and Dean took a more firm grip around him.

“Thank you for bringing him here” Dean said to Michael “I’ll make sure he gets to bed”

Michael nodded and Cas exclaimed “oh he’ll take me to bed alright”.

Michael just laughed and walked over to the driver’s side, and said “Take care cas” before entering the car and driving away.

“I will, I love you Michael” Castiel said and waved even though Michael couldn’t hear nor see him, then he turned to Dean and said “I don’t really like him”.

     Dean had a hard time keeping a straight face trying to get Castiel up to his apartment. He was tripping and leaning his whole body against Dean’s and Dean had to use every muscle he had to keep Cas from falling. He was also constantly talking about bees and how he wanted to play twister.

“I don’t have twister” Dean would say every time and Cas would be offended that he didn’t have twister and told him to go buy one right away.

While inside the apartment Dean asked if Castiel was hungry and said he had to eat something, if not, he was going to regret it in the morning.

“Make me one of those famous burgers of yours and a beer thank you and please”.

Dean laughed and started preparing a burger for Castiel, but instead of a beer he gave him a glass of water.

“This is not beer” Castiel pointed out.

“Yes it is” Dean lied “It’s a new type of beer, very expensive, because it is clear”.

Cas’ mouth shaped into an O and Dean couldn’t help but laugh. He went back to making the burger, but when he walked over to Cas’ with it, he was asleep. Dean bowed down and shook his shoulder carefully and Cas’ eyes opened and his face was so shocked Dean almost got shocked.

“You burger” he said and placed it on the table.

Cas looked at the burger, then at Dean, then and then back at the burger.

“You’re such a gentleman” Cas said and started eating “and this beer” he said, mouth full “it’s the best beer I have ever tasted.”

     One and a half hour later Cas had finally finished his burger, it took a while because kept stopping to tell Dean something very important that ended up being not so important after all and Dean would laugh each time. Cas was a fun drunk.

“I think it’s time we get you to bed now” Dean said and helped Castiel up from the couch.

“Your bed?”

Dean laughed again “No, your bed”

Cas pouted and said “But, that bed is too big for one person”

Dean looked at Cas and Castiel had those big blue puppy dog eyes, Dean was almost not able to say no.

“C’mon Cas, you know the rules. You sleep in your bed”

“I’d rather sleep on the floor than in that big lonely bed alone, it’s lonely and big and I feel alone”.

Dean sighed “fine, but just tonight and just because you’re so drunk I don’t trust you don’t jump out the window or something”

Cas clapped and gave Dean a huge smile and Dean laughed again.

“You’re impossible Cas”

“That’s what Anna says all the time”

Dean helped Cas lay down “We’ll she’s right”

Castiel started unbottiong his shirt, but he couldn’t figure out the buttons “help?” he said and looked up at Dean who was doing his best not looking at Cas.

“What?”

“These buttons, they won’t do as I tell them to. You must help me Dean”

Dean sighed and bowed down to help Cas with his shirt buttons, when they were off Castiel pulled his shirt off and threw it across the room, Dean quickly ran over to it, folded it and placed it on the red chair.

“Pants!” Castiel commanded and Dean sighed again before walking over, starting to unbutton Castiel’s pants.

“The zipper you can handle”

Castiel nodded and pulled the zipper down and then threw his legs up in the air “pull”.

Dean took a grip on each leg of the pants and pulled them off Castiel. He took one quick look and he shouldn’t have done that, because now he was unable to take his eyes off him. You couldn’t see it under the clothes, but he had really defined muscles and it looked like he was working out every day, but Dean knew that he didn’t because Castiel had told him that.

“You like?” Cas asked and laid down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Dean looked away and turned his back to Castiel, not now.

“Fine…” Castiel said a little annoyed and got under the covers. “Coming?” he patted the empty space next to him and Dean turned around.

“In a minute” Dean said and started walking out of the room.

As said, a minute later he was back and he undressed himself, Castiel carefully watching, and as Castiel had thought when he was Dean in his white shirt, he was muscular. Castiel wanted to reach out and touch him, but he was afraid Dean would get angry with him.

He felt the madras move a little as Dean laid down and Cas turned his back to Dean “hold me?”

“What?”

“You heard me!”

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath, this was dangerous, but he rolled over and placed one arm around Castiel’s waist and pulled him closer. “Happy?”

“Very”

“Goodnight Cas”

“Goodnight Dean”

     The next morning Cas opened his eyes, unaware of where he was, he felt something heavy around his waist and when he turned a round he jumped and almost fell out of bed, which resulted in Dean waking up as well.

“How? When? What?” Castiel had troubles speaking and Dean rubbed his eyes and stretched before looking at Cas.

“Good morning to you too”

“Dean!”

Dean smiled a little and laid back down, “Relax, nothing happened. You were drunk and your friend Michael drove you here because you wanted him to, I made you a burger and you thought water was a type of clear beer, then you managed to talk me into letting you sleep in my bed and then you fell asleep. I promise you, nothing more happened”

“Are you sure?” Cas said nervously.

“Trust me, you would have known if something had happened”

“How?”

“You would have felt it”

     Cas was sitting in Dean’s car, holding a hand on his forehead, his head was killing him. He swore he was never going to drink that much ever again. Not only was he feeling like he had been run over by a truck, he was also extremely embarrassed about everything that happened last night. Dean was just smiling for himself as he drove Castiel home, not affected by last night’s happenings at all. Something Castiel found very annoying.

Dean stopped the car and Cas got out, not caring to say goodbye. He just wanted to get up and go to sleep again. His head was really killing him. Dean rolled down the window and Cas bowed down.

“I’ll see you around Cas, take care”

Cas nodded, not a good idea, he pressed his hand against his forehead.

“Take some painkillers and go to bed okay?” Dean said, sounding genuinely concerned.

Cas gave him a thumb up, unable to speak or move his head. He waved at Dean as he drove away and got up to his apartment and it didn’t take long before he was in his bed, sound asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Castiel woke up, he almost jumped out of bed thinking he had overslept. He sat up and looked at his watch. 03:56 am, then he remembered that he didn’t have any classes today. He sighed and laid back down to fall asleep again, but that was impossible. He had slept ever since he got home yesterday and there was no way in hell he was going to be able to fall asleep again now. He sat up, leaning his back against the wall and closed his eyes, he could still feel the headache but it wasn’t as severe as earlier. He placed to fingers at his temple and massaged a little and in the corner of his eye, he saw the contract halfway under his pillow. He turned his body a little and pulled it onto his lap. He looked at the cover.

“If I can’t sleep, I might as well read” he said to himself and took a deep breath before opening the contract.

___________________________________________________________________________

**CONTRACT!**

Signed today _____________ 2014 (effective date)  
BETWEEN  
MR. DEAN WINCHESTER, 317 Grand Ave, Oakland, CA 94623-0660  
(Dominant)  
MR. CASTIEL NOVAK, 2112 Grand Ave, apartment 8 , Oakland, CA 94623-0665  
(Submissive)  
 **ALL PARTIES AGREE TO THE FOLLOWING  
** 1\. The following are terms in a ~~binding~~ contract between the dominant and the submissive.  
 **BASIC TERMS  
** 2\. The basic purpose with this contract is that the Submissive shall be allowed to explore their own sexual limits in a safe and respectful way, taking into account his needs, limits and welfare.  
3\. The Dominant and Submissive agree to and respects that everything that happens within the framework of this contract occurs during consent, in confidence and within the agreed limits and precautions described in this contract.  
Further limits and safety precautions may be agreed in writing.  
4\. The Dominant and Submissive guarantees that no parts suffer from any form of sexual, severe, transmitted or life threatening deceases but not limited to HIV, herpes and hepatitis. If one of the parties during the period of this contract (established under) or an extended part of this contract, should be diagnosed or become aware of such an illness, shall he or she immediately inform the other party about this, before any physical contact takes place between the parties.  
5\. It is fundamental to this contract that guarantees, agreements and promises (and any additional limits and precautions agreed under paragraph three above) are met.Any violation will make the contract null and void with immediate effect, and both parties agree that they are responsible to the other party for the consequences of any violation.  
6\. Everything written in this contractmust be read and interpreted in the light of the fundamental purpose and the fundamental terms described in paragraphs 2-5.  
 **ROLES  
** 7\. The Dominant shall take responsibility for the Submissive’ welfare, training, guidance and discipline. He shall decide what form the training, supervision and discipline shall have, and the time and place for mentioned above, in accordance with agreed terms, limits and precautions described in this contract, or agreed as addition under paragraph 3 above.  
8\. If the Dominant at any given time should not comply with contractual terms, limitations and safety precautions described in this contract or agree as additional under paragraph 3 above may Submissive annul this contract with immediate effect and leave the Dominants service without notice.  
9\. Pursuant to the above condition and paragraph 2-5 above shall Submissive serve and obey the Dominant in all respect. Under the agreed terms, limits and precautions described in this contract or agreed as well under paragraph 3 above, he shall without question or hesitation offer the Dominant the satisfaction of his choice, and he will without question or hesitation accept his training, guidance and discipline, no matter what type.  
 **EFFECTIVE DATE AND PERIOD OF TIME  
** 10\. Dominant and Submissive enters into this contract on entry into force date without doubt about the content and commits to follow the conditions without exception.  
11\. This contract shall be valid for a period of twelve calendar months from the effective date (period). At the end of period, the parties shall discuss whether this contract and the arrangements they have created under this contract are satisfying, and if both parties have been fulfilled their needs. Either party may propose an extension of this contract with the adjustment of the terms, or the arrangements they have created under the contract. If there is no agreement on such an extension, this contract will be terminated and both parties are free to move on with their own life apart from each other.  
 **AVAILABILITY  
** 12\. Submissive shall be available to the Dominant from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon every weekend during the period. Additional days may be agreed jointly.  
13\. Dominant reserves the right to terminate Submissive from the service at any time without giving any reason. Submissive can apply for release at any time, and such application may be granted by the dominant only in accordance with Submissive’ rights according to Section 1-2 and 8 above.  
 **PLACE  
** 14\. Submissive shall be made available in the allotted time and agreed extra time at locations determined by the dominant. Dominant shall ensure that all travel expenses that are inflicted on Submissive in this regard will be covered by the Dominant.  
 **SERVICE DESCRIPTION  
** 15\. The following service description has been discussed and agreed, and will be adhered to by both parties in the period. Both parties agree that situations may arise that are not covered by the terms of this contract or the service description, or that certain circumstances may be renegotiated. In such situations, it can be proposed that additional clauses are added. All clauses and additions must be agreed, documented and signed by both parties and shall be subject to the fundamental purpose as described in paragraph 2-5 above.  
 **DOMINANT  
** 15.1. Dominant will always prioritize Submissive’s health and safety. Dominant will never claim, demand or allow Submissive to participate in actions described in Appendix 1, or any action that either party believes is unsafe. Dominant shall not participate or allow participation to any action that may cause serious harm or endanger Submissive’s life. The remaining subparagraphs of this paragraph 15 shall apply in accordance with this paragraph and the fundamental conditions described in paragraphs 2-5 above.  
15.2. Dominant accept the Submissive’s as his property (at agreed times) and can dominate and punish him in the period. Dominant may use submissive body at any time during the allotted times, or other agreed times in a manner he deems appropriate sexually.  
15.3. Dominant shall provide Submissive all necessary training and guidance in how to serve the dominant in the best possible way.  
15.4. Dominant shall make sure to maintain a stable and safe environment where Submissive can perform their duties in the service of the Dominant.  
15.5. During training and punishment shall the Dominant ensure that Submissive’s body is not inflicted with lasting marks or injuries that require medical treatment.  
15.6. During training and punishment should the Dominant ensure that the punishment and tools that are used for punishment are safe and that they are not used in a way that could cause serious harm and cannot in any way exceed the limits defined in detail in this contract.  
15.7. In case of illness or injury shall the Dominant care for the Submissive and provide for his health and safety, encourage and, if necessary, order medical supervision when deemed necessary.  
15.8. The Dominant shall maintain his health and seek medical attention when necessary to maintain a safe environment.  
15.9. The Dominant shall not lend out Submissive to another Dominant.  
15.10. The Dominant can put Submissive in handcuffs, straps or tie him anytime during the allotted time, or any other agreed times, for any reason and for longer periods within those prudent for Submissive’s health and safety  
15.11. Dominant shall ensure that all instruments for use in training and punishment should be kept clean, hygienic and secure at all times.  
 **SUBMISSIVE  
** 15.12. Submissive accept the dominant as master, in this respect, that he is the Dominant’s property and can be handled by the Dominant’s desires during the period, but only during the allotted time and agreed additional period.  
15.13. Submissive shall serve the Dominant in every way the Dominant deems appropriate, and shall at all times strive to satisfy the Dominant at best efforts.  
15.14. Submissive shall take all precautions to maintain good health, and shall ask for or seek medical help when needed, and always keep the dominant informed of any health problem.  
15.16. Submissive shall accept without question any disciplinary action that the Dominant deems necessary, and remember his position and role in relation to the Dominant at any time.  
15.17. Submissive shall not touch or satisfy himself sexually without Dominant’s permission during the assigned time.  
15.18. Submissive shall submit to any sexual activity as the dominant demand, without hesitation or discussion.  
15.19. Submissive shall behave subdued and respectful towards the Dominant.  
15.20. Submissive shall always behave respectfully in relation to the Dominant and only address  him as sir, Mr. Winchester, or any other title the dominant demands.  
 **ACTS  
** 16\. Submissive shall not engage in sexual acts or activities that either party believes is unsafe, or actions specified by Appendix 1  
17\. Dominant and Submissive have discussed the actions described in Appendix 2 and has a documented agreement to abide by them.  
 **SAFETY WORDS  
** 18\. Dominant and Submissive acknowledges that Dominant can make demands Submissive cannot meet without incurring physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or other damage at the time Submissive are presented to the demands. Under such circumstances Submissive may use of a safety word (safety word (s)). There shall be used two safety words, depending on how great demand.  
19\. The safety word "Yellow" shall be used to make the Dominant aware that Submissive are close to his tolerance.  
20\. The safety word "Red" shall be used to make the Dominant aware that Submissive cannot tolerate given demand. When the safety word is pronounced, the Dominant’s action shall stop completely and immediately.  
 **CONCLUSION**  
21\. We, the signatories, have read and understood the contents of this contract to the fullest. We accept voluntarily the terms of this contract and confirm this with our signatures below.

 

_________________________  
Dominant: Dean Winchester  
Date:  
  
  
_________________________  
Submissive: Castiel Novak  
Date:

___________________________________________________________________________

 **APPENDIX 1**  
Absolute limits  
No actions that involve playing with fire.  
No acts involving urination or feces or products mentioned.  
No actions involving knives, puncturing of the skin or blood.  
No actions involving the use of gynecological medical instruments.  
No action that involves children or animals.  
No actions that have permanent marks on the skin.  
No actions involving respiratory control  
No actions involving direct contact with electrical voltage (either AC or DC), fire or flames against the body.

___________________________________________________________________________

 **APPENDIX 2**  
Minor limitations  
Agreement between the parties:

Do Submissive accept:

Masturbation                                        Anal intercourse  
Licking                                                 Anal penetration  
                                                             with fist (fisting)  
Blow Job                                              Swallowing of sperm

 

Do Submissive accept use of:

Vibrators                                              Anal plugs          
Other anal toys

 

Do Submissive accept:

Binding with rope                               Binding with tape  
Binding with leather cuffs                  Suspension  
Binding with handcuffs/chains

 

Do Submissive accept to be:

Tied with hands in front                      Bound of the wrists  
                                                             to ankles  
Tied at the ankles                                Tied to permanent  
                                                             installations,  
Tied on the elbows                              furniture, ect.

Tied with hands on back                     Tied with nail rod  
Tied on his knees

 

Does Submissive accept to be blindfolded?

 

Does Submissive accept to be gagged?

 

How much pain is Submissive willing to experience?

There is 1 none and 5 is severe: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5

 

Do Submissive accept the following types of pain/punishment/discipline:

Spanking                                             Paddle  
Whip                                                   Caning    
Biting                                                  Nipple clips  
Sex clips                                              Ice  
Hot wax                                              Other types/  
                                                            forms of pain.

___________________________________________________________________________

Castiel folded down the front page and placed the contract on his left and then he proceeded to just stare right at his wall. He tried to wrap his mind around everything he had just read. This was crazy, insane, no way he could agree to such terms. _Allowed to explore my own sexual limits in a safe and respectful way?_ _Only address him as sir, Mr. Winchester? Available for him every weekend? Wax? Chains?_ No way!If he signed those papers he was practically giving himself to Dean and Dean would own him, like a car or a pet, and he could do to Castiel as he pleased. Cas shook his head, _no, no, no_ , he thought and picked up the contract to place it in the drawer on his night stand, but something in him wanted him to read it again, just to be sure. He opened the front page and started to read the contract for a second time.

     Castiel walked out from his bedroom, hand pressed on his forehead. He had read the contract, not twice, four times. He had spent the whole night reading it, trying to understand it. He had also done some research, but that only confused him even more. He didn’t like the whole idea about becoming Dean’s property, he thought of it as rather sick, but something in him found it arousing. He carefully walked into the living room where Anna was watching something on TV. She turned her head and smiled at Cas, before she saw that his hand was pressed against his forehead and gave him a concerned look.  

“I’m fine” he said as he sat down at the couch and let his hand fall to his side “didn’t sleep much tonight, that’s all”

Anna turned down the volume on the TV and turned towards Castiel “wanna talk about it?”

Castiel shook his head “It’s nothing, I was just reading”

“Reading what?”

Cas’ eyes grew big. He was expecting Anna to just say okay and then carry on with whatever she was doing, he wasn’t prepared for her asking questions about what he was reading, he normally read school stuff.

“Just a book”

“What book?” She leaned forward, looking very interesting.

“Uh, it’s called…” Castiel took a break, what would a normal book title be? “The Contract”

Castiel mentally face palmed himself and Anna looked up as if she was trying to look into her brain to see if she had read this book. Castiel knew she hadn’t. How could she?

“Never heard of it.” She looked back down at Castiel “is it about BDSM?”

Castiel could feel his heart stop and his eyes grew even bigger if possible. “W-what?”

“Don’t be embarrassed” Anna smiled at him “I just heard mumble a few words last night while I was going to the bathroom”

“What words?”

Castiel could see that Anna struggled with keeping herself from laughing “You mentioned dominant a few times and submissive, and I think I caught something about level of pain and ropes. I added it together and figured you were reading a book about BDSM.”

Castiel swallowed hard and he could feel his throat grow thick. He nodded slowly before standing up and leaving the living room. He closed his bedroom door and sat down at his bed. He placed his head in his hands and let out a deep and long sigh. This was all insane.

     A few hours later Castiel was sitting on his computer with the contract next to him. He started typing.

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Castiel Novak

 **Topic:** Contract

 **Date:** June 2 nd , 3:26pm

 **To:** Dean Winchester

     I read the contract.

\- Castiel Novak  
___________________________________________________________________________

He looked up at the ceiling, but it didn’t take long before he got a reply.

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Dean Winchester

 **Topic:** Contract

 **Date:** June 2 nd , 3:31pm

 **To:** Castiel Novak

     Good. Did you understand it? Do you have any questions? If you do, don’t be afraid to ask, it will make everything much easier if you do.

Dean Winchester  
CEO  
M! magazine Inc.

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Castiel Novak

 **Topic:** Questions

 **Date:** June 2 nd , 3:36pm

 **To:** Dean Winchester

     I understood, sir. And yes, I have a lot of questions, but I would rather ask you in person than over email. I don’t see how this can be easy in any way. To me it looks very complicated.

\- Castiel Novak

__________________________________________________________________________

Again he replied almost immediately, something that made Castiel smile for some reason.

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Dean Winchester

 **Topic:** Questions

 **Date:** June 2 nd , 3:42pm

 **To:** Castiel Novak

     It won’t seem so complicated after you have gotten answers to your questions. If you would like to ask me in person, I am busy today, but I am available for you tomorrow after eight. So I’ll pick you up then.

Dean Winchester  
CEO  
M! magazine Inc.

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Castiel Novak

 **Topic:** Haven’t signed yet

 **Date:** 2 nd , 3:48pm

 **To:** Dean Winchester

     Easy there, I haven’t signed the papers yet so you can’t just pick me up, but eight is fine.  
I will see you then, goodbye, _sir._

\- Castiel Novak  
___________________________________________________________________________

Castiel closed his computer, not caring about if he got a reply or not. This was all so stupid. The contract was stupid. Dean was stupid. Castiel was stupid. He looked over at the contract. Why did Dean have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t he just date like normal people? Why did he have to be one of those with a contract? Castiel had wanted Dean Winchester for so long, but now that he was close to getting him, he wasn’t sure he wanted him. Not like this anyway.

There was till many hours left of the day and Castiel wasn’t tired so sleeping was no option. He decided he could catch up with school, this whole thing with Dean had made him fall behind seeing he hadn’t read anything other than that contract since he met Dean Winchester and he didn’t want to fail his last semester. Castiel ended up falling asleep a few hours later, books all around him and a disturbing contract under his pillow.


	6. Chapter 6

     Castiel threw his sweater into the washing machine and closed the door, he pressed start and watched the machine as it filled with water and made that squeaky noise it always made when it started rotating. They needed a new washing machine. He walked out into the living room and sat down at the couch, Anna had classes today so he was all alone in the apartment. He turned on the TV to see if anything was on, but as usual, there was nothing but talk shows and cooking shows at this hour. He had the TV turned on, volume low, so he wouldn’t feel so alone. He picked up one of his books and his time schedule fell out. He picked it up and looked at it. The same schedule he had had for this whole year, now it was his last semester and when he was done, he could start applying for jobs that he really wanted, like journalist or teacher, because he would have time.

 **Monday:**  
10:00am – 12:30pm: English  
02:00pm – 03:15pm: Advanced writing

 **Wednesday ( _every other_ ):**  
08:10am – 09:10am – Advanced History  
12:00pm – 02:45pm – Advanced English  

 **Friday:**  
11:00am – 12:00pm: Math  
01:00pm – 03:45pm: History

He placed his schedule on the table and opened his history book and started reading. He was reading something about Egypt and how they lived when his phone suddenly started ringing. He picked it up and saw that it was Dean.

“Hello?”

“Hey Cas, so, are you busy?”

“Yes”

“With?”

“None of your business”

Cas rolled his eyes and closed his book, carefully placing it on the couch next to him.

“Well, okay then. I just called to ask if you wanted to drop by my office and then we could go get something to eat”

Cas put one hand on his stomach, he hadn’t eaten anything yet and he was kind of hungry, but he knew meeting up with Dean would lead to a conversation about the contract and Cas wasn’t sure if he was ready to talk about it yet, he had only read it four times and he was afraid he had gotten it completely wrong.

“When you say it, I am sort of hungry”

He could almost hear Dean smile when he said “great, I’ll see you then”

“Yeah, see you then”

Cas pulled his phone away from his ear and looked at it as the hang up button got grey and Dean’s name disappeared from the screen and he was now looking at a picture of him and Anna. They were both wearing a flower crown at had one red and one blue line painted on their cheek, like they have in the military, only those are green. He thought back, that picture was taken at a concert. They had been to this festival that lasted for a weekend and that was the most fun Cas had ever had. Anna had talked him into it and after a lot of back and forth he caved and he was glad he did. They were going to do it again sometime, but lately, they had been occupied with life. This was before Anna met Michael.

Castiel stood up from the couch and headed into his bedroom to change. He didn’t dress up fancy, only a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt with some band name on which he didn’t really know who was. Anna had bought it for him it was comfortable. He threw his burgundy red hoodie on and slipped into his converse. He looked at himself quickly in their hallway mirror, he stroked his chin, he should shave, he had a five o clock shadow and he was unsure if he should shave before leaving to see Dean. He decided not to and started his walk down to the office building for M!. It wouldn’t take him more than thirty minutes.

     Inside the lobby he saw Ellen sit behind the desk and she gave Cas a wide smile and he returned it and added a little wave.

“Good morning Mr. Novak” Ellen said and Castiel stopped at the desk.

“Good morning”

“Are you here to see Mr. Winchester?”

Cas nodded and when he did a blond girl, probably around his age walked out from the door behind the desk.

“Hey mom, the pink papers, where-“ she looked up and stopped midsentence when she saw Cas. He tucked some of her blonde hair behind her ear and smiled “Hey”.

Castiel looked around him and then he realized she was looking at him, “Uh Hello” 

“This is my daughter, Jo” Ellen said and Jo reached out a hand to shake Cas’.

“Nice to meet you Jo, I’m Castiel, but you can call me Cas”

Jo giggled a little and Cas could see Ellen roll her eyes.

“So do you work here?” Jo asked Cas and he shook his head.

“No, not yet at least”

Jo nodded and Ellen turned to her and asked what she was going to ask. They started talking about the colors of the papers and Cas excused himself before walking over to the elevator.

     He slowly opened the door that had Dean’s name on it and he could hear Dean talking, probably on the phone. His chair was turned with the back towards the door so Cas just sat down in the black hair with a metal frame and waited for Dean to finish his conversation.

“No, you listen to me! I won’t accept that”

There was a long pause.

“No, eight millions or nothing”

Cas’ eyes grew big, was he selling the magazine? No, he couldn’t do that.

“I won’t sell for less”

He was.

“If you want the rights-“

He could hear Dean sigh.

“Deals off”

There was silent for a while and then Dean turned his chair. He almost jumped when he saw Castiel sitting there with his hands folded in his lap, but his shocked expression quickly faded and his mouth shaped into a smile.

“Well hello”

Castiel gave him a smile and Dean stood up from the chair, walked over to his coachman and put on his jacket.

“Ready?”

Cas nodded, earning a smile from Dean, he knew what he was doing, he nodded on purpose because he knew Dean liked it. He could easily have said yes, he wasn’t so nervous around Dean anymore, but Dean liked when he nodded, so he would nod.

Dean opened the door and gestured for Cas to go first, he smiled at Dean and they both walked out. Cas headed for the elevator, but then he heard Dean cough and he turned around.

“We’re going up”

Cas tilted his head slightly, but walked over to Dean and followed him up the stairs.

When they reached the top Dean opened a red metal door and revealed the roof of the building and the first thing Cas saw was a black helicopter. His jaw almost fell to the floor and Dean started walking over to it. Was he taking him on a helicopter ride?

Dean turned around and smiled at Cas “Are you coming?”

Cas shook his head to get back into reality and nodded quickly before almost running over to Dean, his eyes glued to the helicopter in front of them. Dean stopped and talked to the pilot before jumping in and reaching one hand out for Cas. He grabbed it and Dean helped him climb into the big black helicopter and they both got seated next to each other. Dean handed Cas a pair of headphones.

“So we can communicate”

Cas nodded and put them on as Dean put on his own. He gave the pilot a thumb up and then they lifted off.

     Cas could see the whole town from up here and everyone looked like small ants. Cas had never been in a helicopter before and he was really excited about it. He could head Dean chuckle in his headphones and he turned his head to look at him.

“First time?” Dean asked and Cas nodded.

“Jesus Cas, words”

“Okay, I thought you liked the nodding”

Dean bit his lip and looked straight into Cas’ eyes.

“I do, a bit too much”

At first Cas didn’t understand, but then it hit him, _did his nodding turn Dean on?_ He looked down and then back up at Dean who winked at him and Cas quickly looked away to hide the fact that he was blushing. He could never have imagined that he would turn Dean on just by nodding. He bit his lower lip and looked down at the ant sized humans, living their lives right beneath them. Then he felt a hand on his thigh and his head quickly looked at it.

“Too much?” Dean asked and gave Cas a somewhat concerned look.

“No, I just, didn’t expect it”

Dean chuckled and winked at Cas again, causing Cas to turn a whole new shade of red which turned Dean’s chuckle into a full on laughter.

“Where are we going?” Castiel asked suddenly realizing he had no idea where Dean would take him to lunch.

“You’ll see”

“Why can’t you just tell me?” Cas complained “You don’t have to be so mysterious all the time”.

Dean’s eyes got wide, Castiel was probably the first one ever to talk back to him. Cas was no natural submissive. No way.

“It’s a surprise, okay, I want to surprise you”

“Why didn’t you just say that instead of you’ll see?”

Dean sighed and looked out in the other direction.

“This is very new to me Castiel, I haven’t dated in a long time”

“How long?”

“Nine years”

Castiel’s eyes got wide, had he been doing this for nine years? Castiel looked out again. If he had been doing this for nine years, how many had he been with? Nine? Or maybe even more? Maybe he was so surprised that Cas asked if they could expand the contract because no one has ever even made it through a year. Cas suddenly felt a lump in his stomach and his throat grew think and it became hard to swallow. Cas was just one of many and as soon as Dean got tired of him he would just throw him away and find someone new. He didn’t want that. He wanted to be Dean’s only one, for the rest of his life and he felt himself tearing up as he realized that it would never happen. Dean was a predator, only after one thing, sex.

     The helicopter landed on the roof of another building and Dean helped Cas out from it before talking to the pilot. Cas was looking at the view. He didn’t recognize it and he had a feeling they were no longer in California. It didn’t look like California.

“Welcome to Kansas” Dean said and Castiel turned around

“Kansas?”

Dean nodded and placed one hand on Cas’ back while standing next to him.

“That’s like a three hours flight!” Cas exclaimed and Dean laughed.

“Three and a half”

“Have we been flying for three and a half hours?” Castiel was in shock “what about your work?”

“Don’t worry about that, I wanted to take you to my hometown, you wanted to get to know me and which better place to do so?” He smiled at Cas and Castiel could feel butterflies take shape in his stomach, was he falling in love with Dean?

     They were seated in this little restaurant called Fritz’s railroad restaurant and Cas almost fell off his chair when Dean ordered a bacon cheese burger with extra bacon on the side and fries. He didn’t think of Dean as that type of guy who ate bacon cheese burgers at a little restaurant in Kansas, he thought of Dean as the type of guy who would go to fancy restaurants in California, eating expensive lobster and drinking wine, not cheap beer.

Castiel just ordered a normal burger and stared at Dean, trying to figure out, _what was he trying to do?_

     They’re food arrived and Dean quickly started eating, Cas was just looking at him as he ate the burger, eyes closed and Cas could have sworn he heard a moan coming from Dean. He opened his eyes and looked at Cas who was staring at Dean in shock.

“What?”

Cas coughed “Uh, when you’re done making love to that burger, I have some questions”

Dean wiped his mouth with his napkin and smiled at Castiel.

“If it’s about the contract” Dean said placing his burger back down “it can wait”

“Why?”

Dean smiled “First of all, because this is no place to discuss that and second” he leaned closer to Cas “this is a date, forget about the contract, forget about the whole thing, and just enjoy this.”

Cas looked down at his food and smiled slightly “why?” he asked with a low voice and Dean leaned back, giving Cas a confused expression.

“What?”

“I mean” Cas started “you said you don’t date and you haven’t dated anyone in nine years, why me? What about me made you change your mind?”

Dean let out something that could be a relieved sigh or an annoyed one, Cas wasn’t sure. He placed his arm on the back of the seat and looked out the window. “As I said, you’re special, you do something to me, I don’t know what or why, but you do, and I just want to get to know you Cas.” He took a short break while turning his head to look at Cas again “Because, if you decide that this is nothing for you, then I want to be your friend. I like you, you’re- special”

Cas could feel his face heat up and he tried to look away from Dean so he wouldn’t notice, but he noticed because suddenly Dean’s hand were on top of Cas’ and Cas head quickly turned down to look at it before looking up at Dean.

“Don’t look away when you blush” Dean said “It’s adorable and you think I won’t notice if you look away, but I do. I notice everything about you”

Cas could again feel his face heat up and Dean’s smile got even wider.

“So, when were finished here, I was thinking we could go on a little walk, I could show you the town and then we will head back, don’t worry, it won’t take too long I know you have classes tomorrow”

“How?”

“I just know”

“Are you stalking me?” Cas pulled his hand away from Dean’s and shifted uncomfortable in his seat. Dean just laughed and shook his head.

“We do a background check on everyone who applies for a job at the magazine and your school schedule isn’t exactly a national secret.”

“Oh…”

     Two hours later they were walking down an empty street, they had only passed a few people, this was so much more different than Californian. Cas liked it here, it was cozy and relaxing, not busy and stressing like the streets of California. He looked at Dean and Dean turned his head to look back at Castiel, he smiled and suddenly Cas felt Dean’s hand on his hand their fingers tangled together. Dean lifted his hand and kissed Cas’. This man was complicated. He didn’t date, but he dated Cas, he didn’t want a relationship, but he held Cas’ hand and kissed it, he didn’t want any acts of love outside of the sexual act, but he kissed Cas on the couch to prove his was special. Dean didn’t want anyone special in his life but he Cas was special. He didn’t understand and he thought he would never understand. He didn’t complain though, walking down this street, hand in hand with Dean was his heaven. This was where he wanted to be when he died, in this moment.

“Do you like books?” Dean suddenly asked snapping Cas out of his thoughts

“W-what?”

“I asked, do you like books? There’s a bookstore right over there and maybe you can find one you like”

“I didn’t bring any money”

Dean rolled his eyes and started walking toward the little bookstore. He opened the door and the little bell rang. An old man behind the desk lifted his head and smiled at them. He had grey hair and was wearing a pair of glasses, those pilot glasses that most old men used. His shirt was a light blue and the top button was open, revealing some of his white chest hair. He had a little double chin and some white scruff, but not a full on beard, Cas thought that if he had a bread he could pass as Santa Claus, just a skinnier version. He wasn’t bone skinny, but he wasn’t fat either, he was normal size.

“See anything you want?” Dean asked as he tilted one book out from the shelf before placing it back, still holding Cas’ hand and he looked at it before looking back at the old man afraid of what he would think, but the old man just smiled and nodded slightly, making Cas relax a little.

“Uh, no” Cas looked around “I never said I liked books”

“Hmm” Dean said and tilted another book out and placing it back “You look like you do”.

“Well, I do” Cas said and Dean looked at him and smiled “I just don’t have time to read with school and everything”

“I see, well, pick out one you like and you can read it when you’re living with me”

“I still have school, if, I live with you and I still have to read those books” Cas said a little irritated the way Dean said _when_ you’re living with me as if Cas had agreed to the contract.

“No you won’t” Dean said and turned his body towards Cas “I won’t allow it”

Castiel rolled his eyes and let go of Dean’s hand, walking over to the other side of the store. He looked at some novels standing on a shelf in the corner, they were 50% off and Cas thought that if Dean was going to pay for this book, he was going to pay him back and he needed to pick a book he could actually afford. While stroking the cover of a book he felt someone standing next to him. He sighed and turned thinking it was Dean, but it was the old man.

“Finding anything you like?” he asked Castiel, his voice was soft and deep, he could definitely pass as Santa Claus.

“Eh, I don’t know yet” Cas said nervously and started looking around for Dean, he found him in the corner on the other side, he was watching Cas and the old man, eyes narrowed, it made Cas feel safer, Dean was looking out for him.

“I heard your conversation with you, eh boyfriend, is he very controlling?”

Cas quickly looked at the old man, eyes big and he had problems finding the right words.

“He’s not my boyfriend” Cas said and picked up a book and read on the back of it, or made it look like he did.

“Is he abusive?” The old man suddenly asked and Cas moved a step away.

“T-that’s none of your business” Cas stuttered and the old man raised one of his white eyebrows.

He moved a step closer to Cas and looked over at Dean, so did Cas, he was no longer leaned up against the wall, he looked as if he was ready to jump at the old man at any moment. He turned his head and moved down to Cas’ ear.

“He is isn’t he? Well, you should get away as fast as you can. If you want I can hold him back and you can run to the police.”

Cas stepped back and looked at the man with a terrified expression.

“My daughter married one of those, it didn’t end well”

“H-how did it end?”

“She’s…” the man stopped and looked down, Cas quickly understood.

“I’m sorry” he said and lowered his shoulders.

“Thank you” the man looked back at Dean who was now walking towards them “If I can prevent it from happening to someone else I will” he whispered before Dean placed himself next to Cas and grabbed his hand.

“What were you telling him?” Dean asked with a firm voice

The old man straightened up his back and looked at Cas and Cas could read the words get away in his eyes.

“H-he was just giving me tips about books” Cas said, but Dean let go of Cas’ hand and moved closer to the old man.

“What did you tell him?” Dean repeated, ignoring Cas’ answer.

The old man narrowed his eyes at Dean and opened his mouth before closing it and giving Cas a concerned look before walking back behind his desk. Dean’s eyes were following him. He grabbed Cas’ hand and looked at him.

“We’ll find another bookstore, there’s one more down the road” he said and smiled at Cas before looking at the old man and then he walked out the store with Cas.

     They had spent the whole day in Kansas and Dean had showed him the whole town, where he played as a kid, his old school, his favorite placed to shop and eat and even his childhood house where his parents still lived. Cas had asked if he was taking him to see them, but he had just said not yet at least and changed the subject.

They were now sitting in the helicopter and Dean hadn’t mentioned the old man once. Cas couldn’t stop thinking about it. If his daughter had been with an abusive man, maybe the old man could recognize them and maybe Dean was abusive, maybe he was lying when he said he wouldn’t hurt Cas. Maybe that was why he had a contract, maybe that’s why no one lasted for longer than a year and then a thought crossed Cas’ mind, maybe he’s a murderer. Cas shook his head, in an effort to erase that thought. No Dean wasn’t a murderer. Or was he? Maybe he hadn’t been in New York for five years, maybe he had been in jail and the media just told us he had moved. Maybe-

“We’re here” Dean said and Cas blinked quickly, suddenly a little afraid of Dean.

He climbed out of the helicopter, refusing Dean’s help and the whole way down to the lobby he was avoiding contact with Dean, he didn’t even look at him and he walk a few steps behind him. When they reached the lobby Dean grabbed Cas’ hand and turned him around.

“What did the old man say to you?” he asked and Cas felt his heart skip a beat.

“Uh, nothing”

“C’mon Cas, tell me” Dean said, not demanding, more like begging. He was begging Cas to tell him.

“He asked me if you were abusive” Cas took a break and looked down “are you?”

Dean took a step back and looked at Cas. Castiel lifted his head and he could see the shocked expression on Dean’s face.

“Do you really think I’m abusive?”

Cas shrugged and Dean wiped around his mouth with his hand.

“Leave...” Dean said and Cas’ eyes widened.

“Leave!” Dean repeated himself, visible irritated and Cas looked down and turned around.

He had just made the biggest mistake in his life, of course Dean wasn’t the abusive type. It said so in the contract. _During training and punishment shall the Dominant ensure that Submissive’s body i_ _s not inflicted with lasting marks or injuries that require medical treatment._ Castiel walked with his head hanging low the entire way back home. He had really done it this time, Dean would probably never talk to him again.

     The next day Cas walked out of history class and he felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned around and het was greeted by Bobby’s concerned eyes. Cas hadn’t paid any attention the whole day and Bobby was wondering if there was something wrong, but Cas lied and said he wasn’t feeling very well. Of course Bobby would believe him because Cas had never lied to Bobby before and why would he start now right?

     Back in the apartment Anna was sitting at the kitchen table doing some homework and Cas greeted her with a smile before walking into his bedroom. He had a minor paper to write that was due in three weeks, about ancient Roman history. He sat down on his bed and pulled up his laptop and started writing down ideas for what he could write about and did some searching on Google and read in his history book when the little envelope in his top left corner got a red circle with the number 1 in it. He knew who had sent him a mail, it had to be Dean. He ignored it, afraid of what it would say.

_I’m not interested in you anymore._

_You can return the contract._

_You disgust me._

Cas’ thought made him go crazy and he couldn’t focus on his homework so he had to open the mail.

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Dean Winchester

 **Topic:** I apologize

 **Date:** June 4 th , 04:52pm

 **To:** Castiel Novak

     Dear Castiel. I want to apologize for my reaction to your question yesterday. I should have handled it better. I just couldn’t believe you would think that about me. I told you that I wouldn’t hurt you, that’s the truth. I feel like you don’t believe me. I would like to see you again and make it up to you.

Dean Winchester  
CEO  
M! magazine Inc.

___________________________________________________________________________

Castiel could feel himself smiling, Dean still wanted him, he wanted to make it up to him. Castiel mentally slapped himself, of course Dean wasn’t the abusive type. Cas believed him, Dean was a sweet, romantic, caring and a very messed up man, but he was not abusive. Castiel stroke the screen with the tip of his fingers, but pulled his hand away and looked around even though there was no one in the room with him. He felt stupid for doing that, but then Castiel realized that he was falling in love with Dean, no, he was already in love with Dean, he was head over heels for this man and in that moment Castiel decided to agree to the terms of the contract, with a few adjustments.

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Castiel Novak

 **Topic:** Apology accepted

 **Date:** June 4 th , 05:10pm

 **To:** Dean Winchester

     Yes you could have, but it’s okay. I was stupid for thinking you would be. What do you mean making it up to me?

\- Castiel Novak.

___________________________________________________________________________

He replied immediately.

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Dean Winchester

 **Topic:** Date number 5?

 **Date:** June 4 th , 05:15pm

 **To:** Castiel Novak

     Let me take you out again, date number 5, what do you say? I won’t take no for an answer.

Dean Winchester  
CEO  
M! magazine Inc.

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Castiel Novak

 **Topic:** You count?

 **Date:** June 4 th , 05:25

 **To:** Dean Winchester

     Didn’t know you counted. Well, since you won’t take no as an answer I guess my answer is yes. What should I wear?

\- Castiel Novak.  
___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Dean Winchester

 **Topic:** Yes I count

 **Date:** June 4 th , 05:33pm

 **To:** Castiel Novak

     As a matter of fact, I do count our dates. Wear a suit, and your trench coat, please. I’ll pick you up in an hour. Be ready.

Dean Winchester  
CEO  
M! magazine Inc.

___________________________________________________________________________

Castiel looked at the watch, it was half past six, Dean would be here half past seven. He slammed his computer shut and jumped out of bed, forget the paper, he was going on a date number 5 with Dean Winchester.

     Anna had told him to be careful, she didn’t like that Dean occupied all of Castiel’s time. Castiel just shrugged it off and he was now sitting in Dean’s car listening to loud drums and squealing guitars, it had grown on him, he didn’t mind it now.

Dean drove a little bit out of town and stopped at one of the most talked about restaurants in town, this was where all the famous people went to eat and Cas wondered if he was going to see someone famous today. He had walked past someone before, but it was something different eating in the same restaurant as them. He also knew that this was a very expensive place to eat.

They were guided to a booth all the way in the back, a little away from everyone else and the waiter gave them their menus. Cas opened it and his eyes grew big when he saw the prize on the food here. He shut the menu and looked at Dean.

“This is all too much”

Dean lifted his head from the menu and looked at Cas, he smiled and placed the menu down at the table, looking directly into Cas’ eyes “only the best for you”.

Cas looked away and let his eyes drift down at the floor, it was a red carpet with some green dots and yellow stripes making some kind of pattern. He would imagine a place like this having nicer décor. He shook his head and looked back up at Dean.

“Why? It’s not like we’re engaging a relationship, you’re just going to replace me with someone else in less than a year” Cas said, trying to keep his voice from cracking. He was in love with Dean, but he knew Dean could never love him and him doing all this, really hurt.

He could head Dean sigh and he didn’t say anything, as if he didn’t know what to say. Castiel thought he must be difficult for Dean, no one had probably ever asked these questions, not if he only picked out _natural submissives_. Then he felt a hand on his knee and Dean was gazing into his eyes, trying to read his soul, and Castiel couldn’t look away, his eyes were hypnotizing.

“You’re right” he started and Castiel could feel his heart stop “We’re not engaging a relationship and I will replace you after a year, but that doesn’t mean I can’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated while you’re mine”.

Cas didn’t know what to feel about that, it made him both happy and sad. Sad that Dean just confirmed that he was going to replace him, but happy that Dean thought Castiel was worth a 100 dollar stake. He gave Dean a halfhearted smile and opened his menu again, not saying a word, what was there to say?

     The dinner had been amazing. Neither had brought up the conversation about the contract and they had just had a great time, talking, laughing and it had really felt like a date, that was until they were sitting in the car and Dean started talking.

“So, the contract, you had some questions.”

Castiel swallowed hard and nodded slowly.

“Well, we will go pick it up and then drive to my place to discuss it. I can’t wait any longer. It’s torture”.

Castiel looked at dean, narrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head slightly, he always did that when he was confused and Dean found it very, very cute. He laughed a little and sighed.

“I just want to touch you”

Cas felt as if lighting hit his body and sent an electrical shiver throughout all of him. The butterflies in his stomach woke to life and he felt his face and ears heat up as he tried to say something, but he couldn’t seem to figure out how to talk.

     Inside the apartment, Dean was filling two glasses with whisky and Cas was seated on the couch with the contract in his hands. When he went home to pick it up Anna had started asking questions and Cas had to lie. She asked where he was going, to Dean, at least that was true. She asked about the stack of papers, Cas said it was work related. Anna had asked what was going on, Cas had said nothing. He hated to lie, especially to Anna, but he had promised Dean to not tell anyone. Dean sat down next to him and handed him the glass, Cas emptied it and Dean laughed, standing up to get the bottle, filled up Cas’ glass and sat down again, leaving the bottle on the table.

“I have a feeling you need it”

Cas nodded and started stroking the front of the contract.

“Now?” Dean asked and Cas took a deep breath.

“Well, for starters, I don’t like the idea of you owning me, but if it’s just in the weekends, I think I can work with it, I also don’t want to be owned every weekend, I want at least one weekend off where I can be social with my friends” Cas started and Dean nodded writing it all down at a piece of paper.

“Okay, so, let’s say you live here three weekends every month and then you have one month to be with your friends”

Cas nodded in agreement and Dean wrote it down.

“Anything else?” Dean placed his hands over the notepad Cas hadn’t noticed he had before now and Cas nodded again.

“The title ting, calling you sir or Mr. Winchester. I’d prefer to call you Dean”

Dean laughed and wrote it down “You know, you can call me Dean outside of the act, but I will have to tell you to call me sir in bed, or daddy if you want that” he smirked at Cas and Cas felt a little sick.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, you’ll be my baby”

Cas shook his head “Sir is fine, I can do sir”

Dean laughed again and Cas couldn’t help but smile, he laughter was beautiful.

“And then we have all these toys and things you want me to do, like tying me up and stuff”

“What about it?”

Cas looked at the page.

“Well, I’m not familiar with toys, but I guess we can use them all, it’s not like they’re dangerous, feel free to tie me up in any way you please, I don’t mind, but not to the roof, please, that’s just sick”

Dean smiled, a smile so deep it made Cas smile as well, even though he tried to be serious, and he wrote it all down, and drew a thing line over _suspension_.

“Also, I do not accept fisting, no thank you”

Dean nodded and lined over _fisting_.

“I accept blindfolding and gagging”

“Great” Dean exclaimed and Cas jumped a little.

“Sorry” Dean said and wrote everything down.

Cas took a deep breath.

“Was that all?”

“No”

Dean nodded and gave Cas his attention.

“The pain part and the punishment”

Dean nodded and got ready to write again.

“I would prefer to experience no pain at all” Dean nodded “but, I guess I can do two”

Dean nodded, with a little smile shaped on his lips.

“And for the punishment part, which I find very unattractive and I would prefer you not to do, I would like you not to use sex clips, hot wax, paddle, caning, nibble clips, but I accept spanking, whip, biting and ice, no other types”

“But..”

“No buts, I don’t like pain”

Dean nodded and wrote everything down, not smiling so much now.

“Other than that, is fine”

Dean placed the notepad on the table and took the contract from Cas, he quickly signed his name, but didn’t give the pen to Castiel.

“Any questions? You have understood the contract?”

Castiel thought about it, and answered “no, I understand”

Dean nodded, gave Cas the pen and he signed his name where it said for him to sign. Dean closed the contract and walked into his bedroom.

Castiel sat on the couch, his body felt numb and his head felt heavy, but at the same time empty. He had thing tickling feeling in his stomach and he could feel every heartbeat. He had just signed the contract, he was now Dean Winchesters property. A part of him thought that this was so wrong, but another part wanted it badly, almost too badly. This was dangerous, very dangerous.

After a minute Dean came back out and sat down beside Cas, a little closer this time.

“I have a question for you”

“Okay?” Cas was now confused again.

“How many have you been with?”

“Pardon?”

Dean chuckled “I need to know how many have you slept with? Girls? Boys?”

Cas looked away, then down at the floor and up at the ceiling, he twirled his thumbs and swallowed.

“C’mon Cas, just say it, if it’s just one or two don’t be embarrassed”

Cas didn’t answer, he just kept looking anywhere but Dean, he hadn’t slept with anyone, he was a virgin and Dean was going to be his first. He heard a loud gasp from Dean and Cas turned his head to face him.

“You’re a virgin!” Dean said “Please tell me you’re not a virgin. You have slept with at least one”

Cas shook his head and looked down.

“Oh God! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You never asked”

Dean stood up from the couch, walked over to the kitchen and leaned against the counter.

“This is bad, this is very, very bad”

Cas stood up as well, faced towards Dean when he asked “Why?”

Dean turned his head slightly to look at Cas before turning all of his body “because you can’t be a virgin!”

“Why not?”

Dean sighed and wiped his mouth with the palm of his left hand before placing it back down at the counter “Because, what we’re going to do isn’t sweet, romantic, vanilla sex. This is rough, hard core and to some level dangerous sex”

 _Dangerous_ , Cas knew it.

“And?”

“And?” Dean laughed “You’re not ready for that. Your body isn’t ready for that”

Cas rolled his eyes and started walking towards the front door.

“Where are you going?” Dean asked

“Home”

“Why?”

Cas turned around and sighed “Because I am a virgin”.

Dean looked down and Cas gripped around the door handle, but before he opened it he felt Dean’s hand on his. He turned around and looked into his beautiful and hypnotizing hazel green eyes.  

“That’s not a good reason to leave” Dean said with a low and calm voice, Cas thought he would yell at him by now, but he had never seen Dean so calm.

“Why not? You don’t want a virgin” Cas said still looking into Dean’s eyes.

Dean moved closer, until he was only inches away from Cas, he placed his hand on his waist and did one quick move to pull Cas closer. Cas placed his hands on Dean’s chest in shock and he could feel his muscles. His hands traced down and landed on Dean’s waist. Dean smiled at bit his lip.

“That’s true, but we can fix that” Dean leaned his forehead on Cas’ and closed his eyes.

“Wait what?” Cas said and moved one small step away from Dean.

Dean looked a little disappointed, but he looked down, smiled and shook his head “I haven’t had vanilla sex in so long and normally I wouldn’t, I would just let you walk away, but I really want you Castiel, I am willing to make an exception”.

“Do you mean?” Cas stuttered and Dean nodded, taking Cas hand and pulling him close again, wrapping his hands around him.

“What do you say?”

Cas swallowed hard, it all depended on him now, was he going to say yes and get to sleep with Dean or was he going to say no and probably never see Dean again? He swallowed again and opened his mouth, but he was only able to whisper “Yes”, and then Dean collided his lips on Cas. Castiel put his arms around Dean’s neck and melted into the kiss. He could feel Dean’s tongue move across his bottom lip and Cas opened his mouth, without hesitation. He felt Dean’s tongue on his and  it sent a shiver down his spine, a good one. He slid his hands down a bit and tugged on Dean’s shirt color before unbuttoning the two top buttons. He could feel Dean smile into the kiss and then he pulled away. He released his grip on Cas’ and took his hand, leading him into the bedroom.

     Cas could hear the door shut behind him and he turned around, Dean slowly walked over and pushed Cas down on the bed and unbuttoned his shirt before climbing on top of him and then they were kissing again, it was filled with passion, lust and hunger. Cas enjoyed this. He felt Dean take grip around the collar on his shirt and pulled him up. He started unbuttoning it, still kissing, and when all the buttons were opened, Cas pulled it off and threw it away. Dean pulled away from Cas and looked at his torso, biting his lip, before pushing Cas back down only to follow him and placing kisses all over Cas. Cas leaned his head back and closed his eyes. This was perfect, he thought and took a grip on the sheets.

Dean had started unbuttoning Cas pants and Cas could feel the pressure from them, he couldn’t wait to get them off. One quick move.

“Wow” escaped Dean’s mouth as he looked down at Cas’ boner “you’re huge”

Cas felt himself heat up, but he didn’t have any time to think about it, because Dean was quick with placing his hand around him and stroking him carefully up and down. Cas moaned and bent his head back, biting his lip. Dean’s hand felt so good, he knew what he was doing. He changed tempo and firmness on the grip and Cas was so close, something Dean must have noticed, because he stopped.

“No please, don’t stop, God” Cas begged and Dean smiled.

“We’re not done, don’t worry, there’s more to come” Dean said as he stood up and unbuttoned his pants.

Cas lifted his body, supporting himself with his elbows and his eyes grew big “You’re huge”

“I know” Dean said climbing on top of Cas again.

Cas rolled his eyes and Dean noticed “Don’t do that!”

“Do what?”

“Roll your eyes”

“Why not?”

Dean smirked and kissed Cas’ mouth, moving down to his jaw line and neck. He sucked hard and Cas was certain he left a love bite. He could feel the blood rush to where Dean had just sucked hard and he knew that was going to be noticeable. He felt Dean’s mouth all over him, his chest, arms, stomach and inner thighs. His whole body was tingling and he twisted in pleasure. His eyes were closed and he could feel the bed move a little and he opened them to see that Dean was no longer on top of him, he lifted his head a little and saw Dean walking back to the bed with a bottle of lube in his right hand. Cas bit his lower lip and laid his head back down.

“Spread your legs for me baby” Dean said and Cas did, without hesitation.

He had never done this before, but it all felt so easy with Dean, so right.

He felt Dean’s hand between his buttocks and it was a cold and sticky feeling, he looked at Dean who winked at him, making his body tingle again. He watched as Dean lubed himself and then leaned down over Cas.

“Ready baby?”

Cas nodded and Dean placed his lips on his, and then Cas could feel Dean slowly entering him. He frowned and twisted in pain, which caused Dean to stop.

“Are you okay?”

Cas nodded and Dean gave him a concerned look “are you sure”

“God, yes, I’m sure! Please…”

Dean laughed a little and went further in. At first Cas thought it hurt like hell and he was sure he was going to die, but shortly after the pain went away and his body was filled with pleasure. Dean moved slowly and carefully. Eyes squeezed shurt.

“Shit… Oh fuck you’re tight Cas!” He said as he pushed himself in and out of Cas.

“P-please, sir, faster” Cas begged and he didn’t have to ask Dean twice.

They were now moving in sync and their bodies was sweaty. Dean leaned down and placed a kiss on Cas’ mouth, biting his bottom lip slightly, as he moved his hand down to Cas’ cock and started stroking it in the rhythm his body was moving.

“Oh my God, Dean!” Cas moaned and Dean moved faster and harder.

Cas moaned louder and more frequently, and Dean moaned too.

“Jesus Cas, oh God! Baby!”

They’re breaths were heavy and the air seemed thick. Cas placed his hands on Dean’s lower back, but Dean removed them quickly before he continued. Cas found it weird, but he didn’t think much about it. Dean felt so good.

Dean pushed one more time and Cas could feel him Cumming inside of him, filling him up and right after Cas’ sperm covered both his and Dean’s torso. Dean leaned down and kissed Cas before pulling out and lying down on his back right next to Cas, staring up at the ceiling.

“That was-“ Dean said and stopped, as if he didn’t know what to say “amazing, Cas. You’re amazing”, Cas smiled and sat up, he took one quick glance at Dean before standing up.

“Where are you going?” Dean suddenly asked and even Dean looked surprised by his question.

“Uh, my bedroom” Cas said and pointed at the door.

“Why?” Again Dean looked surprised by the words escaping his mouth.

“The rules? Remember?” Cas said very confused.

Dean nodded quick “R-right, the rules. Yeah, goodnight Cas” he stopped “and thank you”

Cas nodded in confusion “good night sir”.

“Dean” Dean mumbled and Cas turned around, “what?”, Dean’s eyes shot open and he looked at Cas “uh, nothing. Goodnight”

“Yeah, okay?”

Cas left Dean’s bedroom and walked into his own, he laid down in bed, but he didn’t sleep that night. He couldn’t stop thinking about Dean’s body on his.


	7. Chapter 7

    Castiel rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed, but the pain he felt was too much, he hissed and threw his hips up in the air, but that only made it worse so he screamed out and his bedroom door immediately flung open and a worried Dean was standing in the frame.

“Are you okay?” he walked slowly over to the bedside and looked concerned at Castiel who slowly lowered his hips, squeezing his eyes shut and his mouth was a thin line. He nodded and Dean frowned.

“I can see that you’re not okay” he sat down on the bed and Cas tried to slid up so he would have his back against the bedstead, he had to push himself up with his hands because sitting, hurt too much. Dean quickly grabbed a pillow and helped Cas up a little and placed the pillow beneath him.

“Better?” Cas nodded, mouth still a thin line.

“I’ll make you some breakfast, you just sit here, okay?”

Cas nodded again and Dean left the room. Cas, who had practically been holding his breath the whole time, let out a sigh, but that resulted in his ass touching the pillow and he hissed, lifting himself up again. He turned around and laid down on his side and let out a relieved sigh. “Better” he said to himself and closed his eyes.

     Cas was now walking up the stairs to his apartment, something that was almost impossible, how could it hurt this much? He had asked Dean if he was going to stay this weekend, but Dean said that he was in no way interested in doing anything with Cas when he was hurting this bad. Something Cas appreciated, very much. He had enjoyed what happened the night before and he didn’t have any seconds thoughts about doing it again, but the thought of having Dean inside of him right now made him hurt even worse. It was better to wait a little, maybe he wouldn’t hurt as much the next time.

After what seemed forever, he was finally at his apartment, he cursed the stairs and the fact that there was no elevator here. He opened the door and walking in, legs separated. He looked like someone who was about to give birth. He hoped that Anna was out or if she was home, in her room so she wouldn’t see him, but of course luck was never on his side and Anna came walking out from the living room.

“Hey Cas, whe-“ she stopped herself when she saw Cas’ painful expression “what happened?”

Cas frowned and now the pain had somehow moved up to his lower back, so he placed his hand on it and pressed, it helped, a little. “Do you wanna sit down and talk about it”

Cas looked at Anna, “I’d rather not sit”.

Anna looked questioning at him and then it looked like she had just discovered the meaning of life, her eyes lit up and a smile shaped across her face and she started clapping.

“Oh my God! You did it, you had sex with Dean Winchester” she exclaimed and Cas nodded, still in pain and he really didn’t want to stand up any longer.

“How was it?”

“When it happened, great, now, horrible” Cas said and slowly started moving over to his bedroom. Anna followed behind him but he turned around and said “Anna, not now. I’ll tell you about it later.”

She nodded at let Cas go into his bedroom alone. He closed the door and laid down on his left side, staring into the wall. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Hoping that if he slept the pain would fade, like a headache.

     When Cas wake up he was lying on his back and he jumped out of bed, and he almost jumped again by what he just had done. He stood there and waited for the enormous pain, but it never came. He could still feel it, but now he was at least able to stand and walk properly. He looked at his watch, 05:18am. It was Sunday and he didn’t have work luckily, so he placed himself back in the bed, this time on his right side. He wasn’t completely sure about lying on his back. It didn’t take long before he slowly drifted away.

     Cas got woken up by Anna slamming on his door and yelling “Cas! You have a visitor”.

Cas tiredly rubbed his eyes and carefully sat up in bed “Who?”

“Someone you like”

“Who?”

He could hear Anna sigh and mumble something about him being impossible and that laughter, he could recognize it anywhere. Dean was here, in his apartment. Why? He quickly got out of bed and opened his bedroom door, only to be greeted by those hazel green eyes that he loved.

“Good morning” Dean said and leaned against the wall “How are you feeling?”

Cas could hear Anna giggle from the living room and he rolled his eyes before looking at Dean. “Better”

“That’s good.” Dean looked around, why did he always do that?

“Hungry?” He asked and Cas eyes snapped back from the living room door to Dean “What?”

Dean laughed “you heard me, do you want to go out and eat?”

“I have food here you know” Cas snapped and walked out to the kitchen, still a little sore.

“Do you want to make food?”

“As the matter of fact, yes, I do” Castiel said, trying to be sassy. Dean chuckled and walked into the kitchen.

“What’s on the menu?”

“Toast, eggs and bacon” Cas said and opened the fridge.

“My favorite”

Shortly after Anna came into the kitchen and sat down at one of the empty chairs. Her eyes shifted between Dean and Cas and she had a huge grin on her face. Dean looked questioning at Cas and Cas shrugged, continuing with the breakfast.

“Do you want any?” Cas asked Anna and she nodded, still looking at Dean and Cas.

“Cas, your friend is making me very uncomfortable” Dean whispered to Cas and Cas turned his head to look at Anna.

“Could you not?”

“What?” she asked and supported her head with her hand placed on the table.

“What you’re doing. It’s disturbing” Cas said and flipped the bacon.

“Fine” She threw her hands up over her head and had them land in her lap.

Dean walked over and sat down at the other empty chair, they only had two chairs, but they had an old stool in the corner by the door. Just in case they ever got a dinner guest, which never happened, so that stool had just been standing there ever since they moved in three years ago. They had talked about throwing it out many times, Cas was glad they didn’t.

“So” Anna started “you’re Cas’ new boyfriend”

Dean shook his head “not boyfriend”

“Oh really? You slept with him. Don’t ask me how I know, he came in here and could barely walk and not to mention the love bite as the size of Texas on his neck. I’d say, you’re his boyfriend” She leaned back in her chair and raised one eyebrow at Dean.

Cas stroked his neck and rolled his eyes and flipped the bacon one more time.

“Fine, I’m his boyfriend” Dean said and Cas chocked on the air surrounding him.

“I knew it” she squeeled and clapped her hands “You know, Cas has had a huge crush on you for-“

“Anna, stop!” Cas quickly said, stopping Anna from saying anything more.

He looked at Dean who raised one eyebrow at Cas and Cas felt his face go hot, yet again, that always happened around Dean.

“Sorry Cas, I just thought your _boyfriend_ deserved to know”

When Anna said his boyfriend, it was as if someone shot a bullet through Cas heart. Dean wasn’t his boyfriend, he would never be his boyfriend. He was Cas’ superior, his _master_ , but not boyfriend. Cas turned around to face the pan again and supported his body on the counter. He took a deep breath and placed the hot bacon on a plate and carried it to the table along with the eggs.

They ate in silence, something Cas was thankful for. He didn’t want Anna to call Dean his boyfriend and he didn’t want to talk about what had happened between him and Dean. He just wanted to eat his breakfast and then go back to sleeping and sleep forever. He was in over his head and he knew it.

     Dean didn’t leave after breakfast as Cas had hoped for, he wanted to be with Dean, just not when Anna was present. They were sitting in the living room and Dean was asking Anna a lot of questions about Castiel. They had known each other since they were kids and she knew everything there was to know about Castiel, except for the fact that the man she now was talking to owned Castiel because Castiel had signed a contract that he gave to him almost immediately after they had met. She thought he was Castiel’s boyfriend and that it was love at first sight, but that was not the case, not for Dean at least.

“So, Dean” Anna started and pulled her legs closer to her “what made you fall for Cas?”

Castiel wanted to say something so Dean didn’t have to answer that with a lie, but Dean caught him to it.

“Easy” he said “his eyes”.

He turned his head and looked at Cas and Castiel could feel the butterflies in his stomach, there was something in the way he said that, as if he meant it. Castiel quickly shook that thought out of his head and snapped back into reality, Dean hadn’t fallen for his eyes, he had fallen for the fact that he thought he was a natural submissive, but of course he couldn’t tell Anna that. She would flip.

“Aww, that is so sweet” She looked at Cas “I don’t have to ask you that” She laughed and so did Dean.

Anna had told him how much Cas had admired him and how badly he wanted to work for his magazine, but Dean explained that Cas couldn’t work there now because of their relationship, but Anna of course had to say, _but he has always wanted you more, so I guess that makes up for it._ During this whole conversation Cas just wanted to sink into the ground and never come back up. He had never been more embarrassed. Anna was just being cruel.

     After many hours Dean finally left, and when Cas shut the door Anna was standing next to him, arms crossed over her chest and a somewhat angry look on her face.

“I have some questions”

“O-okay?”

She grabbed Cas’ hand and lead him to the couch, they both sat down and Anna looked at Cas with an expression he had never seen on her face before. It was a mix of anger, confusion and concern.

“What is going on?”

“What do you mean?”

Anna sighed “I mean, you two just got together and he didn’t hold your hand one time, you didn’t hold his hand, no exchanging of lovely looks, not a hug, not a single kiss, not even when he left. What is going on?”

Cas swallowed hard and looked around the living room, he wasn’t sure what to say. It was true, they hadn’t done any of that and of course Anna would take notice. She never misses anything.

“Cas?” her voice was concerned and Cas sighed, he knew he had to lie.

“It’s just…” he stopped and looked into her eyes “he just got out of a bad relationship and he want to be sure we’re for real before he show any type of affection towards me in front of others”

Anna tilted her head “I promise you” Cas said “He’s all over me when we’re alone, he’s just insecure”

“Dean? Dean Winchester? Insecure?” She leaned back and crossed her arms again.

“I know, I said the same thing, but he is” Cas tried to sound as credible as possible and it looked like Anna believed him because she pulled him in for a hug and said “He’ll come around”.

     The week went by fast and it was already Friday. Castiel was walking home from school, to pack everything he needed before he was heading over to Dean. This was the first weekend he was staying there, the first weekend they were going to have rough, hard core, dangerous sex. When thinking about it, Castiel could almost feel the pain from the first time and he hoped and begged they could go slow just one more time before they went all crazy. Cas imagined it was going to be crazy. He imagined chains and whips and pain, and he didn’t want to admit it, but it turned him on. He tried to think of other things, so he wouldn’t get a boner in public. He was wearing jeans so it wouldn’t be that visible, but the fact that he knew that he had one was enough for him to feel like the whole world was judging him by it.

     Dean had told him to pack light, so he only packed down two boxers, one pair of pants, two t-shirts and two pair of socks. He was wearing his hoodie and he didn’t need anything else. He didn’t pack a toothbrush because he knew he had one at Dean’s place. He also packed his computer and a few of his school books even though Dean had said he wouldn’t allow it, but they were sleeping in separate rooms, so he wouldn’t notice.

     Cas was placing his bag on his bed and then he felt like someone was staring at him, he turned around and he was right. Dean was standing, cross armed, in the door frame, smiling at him.

“Ain’t I one hell of a lucky man?” Dean said walking towards Castiel “why don’t you put your clothes in the closet?”

Cas nodded and took out the few clothes he had brought, he slowly walked over to the closet, but when he opened it his dropped what he was holding and he took a few steps back.

“Everything is your size” Dean said “yes, I looked at the tag in your clothes once. I had to know and I had a feeling you wouldn’t tell me”

Castiel was unable to speak, he was just staring into the closet. There were jeans, t-shirts, hoodies, underwear, socks, it was everything. Dean walked over and opened the other door which revealed four different suits and two tuxedos. One suit was black, one was more grey-ish, one was navy blue and one was white. One of the tuxedos were black and the other was a darks shade of blue, but not navy, and it had a some sort of shimmer. Beneath them was three pair of patent leather shoes, all three in the color black, and on the door there was hanging one red, one green, one silver and blue striped, one black and one blue tie. Dean opened another door which revealed a trench coat similar to the one Cas already owned and a few other jackets, one military green jacket, one leather jacket and one black coat.

Cas looked at Dean with big eyes and Dean closed all the doors, placing Cas’ old clothes inside before shutting the last one.

“All for you” Dean said and placed himself in front of Cas.

“Why?”

“Because you are worth it” He smirked “Come on, we have to eat something and we have a few things to talk about”

Cas nodded and Dean walked out of the bedroom. Cas was still looking at the closet and reached out one hand and stroke the door one time before walking out to Dean. He couldn’t believe Dean had spent so much money on him. It was too much, but Cas knew he couldn’t complain about it. He wasn’t supposed to ask questions or hesitate or go against what Dean wanted, not while he lived here those arranged weekends. He sat down at the couch, next to Dean.

“So” Dean started “Seeing you’re new to this, all of this, I say we take it easy this weekend. We’ll start off with vanilla sex tonight and if you’re not too sore tomorrow, we’ll do it again. To open you up, but next weekend we’ll go rough”

“O-okay” Cas stuttered and Dean gave him a smile.

“Good, now, I’ll order some take out and we’ll eat here today.” He stood up and walked over to the kitchen counter and picked up his phone “Chinese?”

Cas nodded and Dean made one quick call before sitting down next to Cas, he made sure to keep his distance, but the fact that he was just sitting next to Cas, made the butterflies go crazy, it felt as if they were going to fly out of his mouth at any time.

     Only thirty minutes later the food arrived the apartment and they both ate quickly, fully aware of what would happen when they were done and neither of them could wait a minute longer.

“Bedroom?” Cas asked and Dean nodded. He took Cas’ hand and helped him up from the couch before leading him into the bedroom. Castiel saw that this time, the lube bottle was placed on the night stand.

Dean placed one hand on Cas’ shoulder and turned him around, placing his arms around him and pulling him close.

“I have waited all week for this” Dean whispered and Cas leaned his forehead on Dean’s. Dean was a few inches taller than Castiel, and Cas thought it was perfect.

Dean moved his head slightly and their lips brushed, before Dean pulled Cas closer, kissing him hard. His hands moved up to Cas face and Cas wrapped his arms around Dean. Dean started walking and it ended up with them falling onto the bed, Dean on top of Cas.

It didn’t take long before they were both in their boxers, both hungry for the other. Dean gazed at Castiel and stroke his hand over his chest and down to his stomach, tracing his muscles, there was something about him. Cas reached out his hand to touch Dean, but he grabbed it and started kissing it. He kissed it all the way up to the shoulder and moved onto kissing Cas’ collarbones and up his neck, sucked lightly on where had just a week ago, the love bite had just started to fade, but now it would be just as big and visible again.

Dean’s hand moved in between them and he stroked Cas through his boxers, earning a moan from the dark haired man. Dean smiled against Cas’ neck and Cas tilted his head backwards, Dean still stroking him.

“I want you so bad, baby” Dean said against Cas’ neck and it tickled him a little, but it didn’t bother him. “Have you wanted me?”

Cas nodded, eyes closed “Yes”

“Yes what?”

“Yes sir”

Dean started grinding against Cas’ body and Cas moaned. His breath was getting heavier and he clenched his fists around the curled up sheet.

“These are in the way” Dean said and quickly pulled off Cas’ boxers and threw them on the floor.

“These are as well, sir” Cas said and tugged on the waist of Dean’s boxers. Dean smirked and quickly removed them before leaning over Cas again, with almost no space between them.

He kissed Cas and Cas kissed back, hunger, lust, passion. Tongues fought for domination, but Cas eventually gave Dean full control, knowing his place. This was all new to him, but he had read and understood the contract and he was going to do everything right, because he didn’t want Dean to get tired of him.

“Let’s turn you around” Dean said and got of Cas, but before Castiel had time to react Dean had flipped him over and he was now standing on his knees, supporting his upper body with his elbows. “Better” Dean said and spanked Cas’ leftbuttock. Cas bit his bottom lip and turned his head to the left to look at Dean.

“Ready?” Dean asked and Cas nodded, followed by a “always”

“Always what?”

“Always, sir”

“Better” Dean said and leaned over to get the lube bottle.

Dean sure took his time and Cas turned his head to see if Dean was still there, he was, he was just looking at Cas and Castiel turned his head again.

“Sir, please…” Cas begged and it was as if he snapped Dean out of some trance.

“Uh? Yeah…” Dean said and placed his hand on Cas’ thigh.

He felt something, but this time it was different, it wasn’t cold and sticky, it was warm and soft and it almost felt as a tongue. Cas gasped and sort of moaned at the same time, Dean was licking him. He closed his eyes and felt his erection just grow. There was something disgusting, but at the same the arousing about it. Then the cold and sticky feeling came, followed by the pressure of Dean’s cock entering him. This time it didn’t hurt as much as the first time, it still hurt but it felt better now.

“Fuck Cas! Oh baby, you’re so good. You’re so good to me” Dean said with a heavy breath and Cas moaned, there was something in the way Dean said his name.

Dean’s rhythm was fast and firm, it was in no way sloppy and Cas tugged on the sheet, gripping to hard his knuckles went white. This felt so good.

They both moaned loudly, not caring if anyone heard them, and Dean took a firm grip around Cas’ waist, going even deeper, earing the loudest moan Cas had ever made. He pushed harder and Cas was so close.

Dean slowed his tempo and leaned down a little, placing his right hand on Cas’ boner, he started stroking and kept going until Cas came all over his hand. He felt Dean’s hand on his waist again and then a few more pushes, a loud moan and Dean yelling Cas’ name, before Dean pulled out of him, kissed him on the back of his neck and Cas turned back around.

He expected a kiss from Dean, but instead, Dean sat on top of him with a smirk and moved his left hand up to Cas’ face, using it to open Cas’ mouth and Castiel had a feeling he knew where this was going. He was right. Dean moved his right hand up to Cas’ mouth and put his fingers inside of it, letting Castiel taste himself, before leaning in and kissing him. Now they both had tasted Castiel. Cas swallowed, he wanted to taste Dean, not himself, but in some sick and twisted way, this turned him on. Dean did something to him.

     A few hours later Castiel was sitting on his bed, he was surprised he was able to sit this time, because this time felt rougher than the first time. Maybe this was something you got used to easily. He was looking at the closet and then he realized, he wasn’t as sore as the last time, this was going to happen again tomorrow and Cas laid down on his back, with a smile spread across his face. He closed his eyes for a minute, then he realized, he had a paper about ancient Roman history to write, so he pulled out his laptop from his bag and his books and started working.

It didn’t take long before his eyes couldn’t handle any more text and light form the computer and he had to shut it. He rubbed his face and looked at the watch.

04:58am.

His eyes grew big, he had been up all night and he hadn’t noticed. No wonder he was tired, he was also a little thirsty, so he went out of bed and carefully opened the door so he wouldn’t wake Dean, but Dean was already awake, sitting on the couch and Cas jumped when he saw. Was Dean going to be angry about him being up this late?

“Trouble sleeping?” Dean asked as he turned his head up to look at Castiel.

Cas nodded and walked over to the couch and placed himself next to Dean.

“Yeah, me too” he said and leaned back, Castiel looking at him with confusion.

Dean threw one arm over the back of the couch and used his other to pat his chest “C’mere”.

Castiel hesitantly placed his head on Dean’s chest and pulled his legs up in the couch. He could feel Dean’s arm wrap around him and held him tight. Castiel fell asleep in Dean’s arms that night.


	8. Chapter 8

     Castiel opened his eyes and blinked a few times to focus them, when he realized he was on the couch, with Dean, in the crock of his arm. Dean was sound asleep, snoring a little bit. Cas smiled at the sight and placed his head back on Dean’s chest. He knew it was against the rules, but it was Dean who had told him to do it in the first place and not doing as Dean said was also going against the rules. He had his eyes closed, but he was not asleep. His mind was trying to understand Dean. He was a confusing man. First he says he doesn’t want a relationship, but he sure treats Cas as if they were in one, then he says no acts of love outside of the sexual act, but here he was, sleeping on Dean’s chest with his arm wrapped around him. He didn’t understand it and Dean was confusing him, but he liked it.

Suddenly Cas felt Dean shift position and he pulled away only to be pulled back and a tired moan escaped Dean’s throat.

“Don’t leave me” he said and Castiel placed his head back down in confusion.

A couple of minutes later, Dean’s arm lifted from Castiel’s body as he stretched himself. He yawned and when he looked down at his chest he jumped out of the couch and stared at Castiel with big eyes and his mouth was wide open.

“What the hell are you doing?” he yelled and Castiel straightened himself up.

“I did as you said” Castiel answered, his head hanging low.

“What?” Dean turned around and wiped his mouth with his hand, even though there was nothing there, he always seemed to do that when he was stressed, then he massaged his temple and turned around back to look at Cas, “Right, uh, you’re right… You… Uh, did… good. Now, go to your room and… get changed. Just, casual… I… We… Need to get… I mean… Go out”

Castiel confusingly stood up from the couch and walked into his bedroom. Dean was acting weird, he had been acting like this ever since the first time they did it. Did Dean not like him? Wasn’t he good enough for him? Was he only doing this because of the contract? No. He could annul the contract at any time if he wanted to. So, if Dean didn’t like him he could just tell him to leave, and he wouldn’t have spent that much money on clothes for him if he didn’t want him anymore. Castiel’s head almost killed him, there was so much going on up in there and he wasn’t sure what to make of it all. He slipped into a pair of light blue jeans, a grey t-shirt and his burgundy red hoodie. He was about to walk over and put on his converse when he saw six pair of converse standing at the bottom of the closet. Red, black, green, burgundy red, white and blue, all in Cas’ size and he gazed at them. Be bent down and picked up one of the red ones, they were real. He placed it back down and still slipped into his old ones, he liked them better, they were comfortable.

Back in the living room he saw Dean sitting with his head in his hands, shaking it, mumbling something that Castiel couldn’t make out. He carefully walked over and Dean’s head shot up and he greeted Cas with a smile.

“Ready to go?”

Cas nodded and Dean stood up, he was wearing a pair of worn out jeans, a grey t-shirt, a green shirt and now he put on his brown leather jacket. Castiel looked at him and wondered why he was wearing that many layers of clothing. He shook his head and followed Dean out the apartment door.

     It was Saturday and the sun was shining bright. It was also very, very hot, so Cas had to take off his hoodie, revealing his arms and Dean couldn’t stop staring. Something that made Cas feel a little uncomfortable and he wasn’t quite sure how to react, so he just smiled at Dean, who bit his lip before smiling back. During this smile exchanging Cas managed to trip over a bag, land face first on the pavement and dragging Dean with him while he was at it. They both laid on the ground, first groaning in pain and Cas checked his nose for blood, when he found out he was clean he looked at Dean who was sitting next to him and both men couldn’t help but laugh. Dean was quick on his feet and helped Castiel up.

“That must have been quite a sight hu?” he asked Castiel and Cas nodded, still holding his nose, it really hurt and he was sure it was broken. Dean took notice and placed his hand on Cas back asking “are you okay?”

Cas shook his head and removed his hand from his nose “I think it’s broken”.

Dean looked at Cas’ nose before smiling and giving it a careful kiss before saying “It looks fine”.

“Are you sure?” Cas asked and Dean nodded.

“But if you want to we can go get it checked out”

Cas shook his head no and Dean laughed, shaking his head and then he gazed into Cas’ blue eyes. Castiel looked back into those hypnotic hazel green eyes and he felt the butterflies awaken again. He couldn’t get rid of them, they were permanent.

“Dean?” Cas said after he had been gazing at him for at least five minutes and Dean shook his head and blinked a few times, before he started walking without saying a single word.

Castiel just stood there and watched as Dean walked away, before slowly jogging after him until he was caught up and then he walked next to a visible confused and slightly annoyed Dean. Castiel wanted to ask what was wrong, but he thought it was best if he just kept quiet.

     It didn’t take long before Dean decided they should go back to the apartment, something must have really annoyed him and Castiel was afraid it was something he had done. Dean walked over to the big window and looked out. He had his hands placed on his lower back, palms pointed out, the left hand over the right. He looked so formal, except for the outfit. Cas pictures Dean standing like that in a suit and he bit his bottom lip before carefully walking towards his bedroom, Dean looked like he wanted to be alone.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Dean asked, with a cold and monotone voice.

Cas stopped and swallowed, he looked down at the floor as he said “My bedroom”

“Did I tell you to?”

“N-no but-“

“Then don’t!” Dean snapped and Castiel jumped a little and lowered his head even more.

“Okay” Cas said and Dean turned around and pointed one finger at Castiel,

“Don’t talk back to me unless I ask you a question, understood?”

Cas was very unsure about what to do now, should he reply, should he not? He lifted his head slightly and looked at Dean, who was very angry, before looking out the window, still unsure about what to do.

“Understood?” Dean said in a voice Cas had never heard, it was so hard, so cold, so angry and it frightened Castiel.

Cas did what he knew Dean liked and nodded and he saw Dean walk over to him, slow and steady. Castiel had his arms hanging down on each side of his body and his shoulders were tense. This was the first time he had been really afraid of Dean, no terrified, and he started to think maybe the old man at the bookstore had been right after all. Dean was now standing right in front of him and he lifted a hand up to Cas’ face making him flinch.

“What?” Dean said and placed his hand on Cas’ cheek “Oh, baby, I’m not going to hurt you if that was what you were thinking”.

Castiel looked into Dean’s eyes, they were still angry, but his voice was soft and calm again, just like Cas liked it. Cas leaned into Dean’s hand, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“I’m not angry with you” Dean said and placed his forehead on Cas’ “I’m angry with myself”.

Cas opened his eyes and looked straight into Dean’s eyes, looking back and forth between them. “Why?”

Dean let go of Cas face and turned around to walk away. He again wiped his mouth and Cas knew he was stressed. It didn’t take long to learn the gestures people would do in certain situation if you spent enough time with them.

“Because” Dean said and sat down at the couch, supporting his elbows at his thighs.

“That’s not a reason” Cas snapped and Dean looked at him.

“Go to your room!” Dean commanded and he didn’t have to tell Cas twice.

Cas slammed the door and jumped onto his bed, screaming into his pillow, like some frustrated sixteen year old girl. He wrapped his hands around the pillow and dug his face into it. Dean was so frustrating. He would never tell Cas anything, he full of secrets and Cas wanted to know every single one of them, but Dean wouldn’t let him. Something had happened in Dean’s past making him emotionally constipated and Cas wanted to know what. He wanted to know what had broken Dean so he could glue him back together. Fix him, piece by piece and then they could be together for real, but for him to do so, he needed to know Dean’s past and there was no way Dean was going to give him that much. He turned around on his back and gazed at the ceiling.

“I heard you scream into your pillow” he heard Dean said and he quickly sat up, glaring at Dean. Dean’s hands, who had been crossed over his chest, fell to his sides and he leaned back up from the doorframe, looking down while walking over to Cas and placing himself on the bed.

Neither said anything, they were just staring at each other for a long time and Castiel’s butterflies went crazy. He couldn’t be angry at Dean for long, it was just not possible, not with a face and eyes like that. He hated being in love with Dean because he knew Dean would never love him back. It was heart breaking, but he had decided to enjoy Dean for as long as he could and he wouldn’t let any chance pass him by, so Cas moved closer to Dean and when their faces was only inches away Cas whispered “I’m ready”.

“W-what?” Dean moved away a little and looked at Cas with big eyes “No you’re not”

“Yes I am”

Dean sighed, “no you’re not!”

Cas moved closer to Dean “how do you know?”

“I just do, Cas. I just do”

“Try me!” Castiel whispered in the most seductive voice he could and Dean swallowed.

“Are you sure?”

Castiel nodded and Dean stood up from the bed, Castiel following quickly after.

“Bedroom then?” Cas asked and Dean shook his head.

“Oh no, baby, not the bedroom”

Cas felt a shiver dance up his spine and moved out in his arms. If they weren’t using the bedroom, what room would they use? His? The living room? Bathroom? Cas swallowed hard and Dean gave him a crocked smile.

“See you’re not ready. You’re terrified” Dean said and moved closer to Castiel.

“I am!”

Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head “You’re impossible.”

“I’m sorry” Cas looked down and Dean used his hand to lift it back up.

“Don’t be” he smiled at Castiel and then let his hand slide down to his and he took a grip around hit “Come with me”

Cas nodded and Dean lead him out from the room, past the couch in the living room and over to a bookshelf placed next to the fridge. Castiel hadn’t noticed it before and now he found it odd having a bookshelf next to the fridge. Dean winked at Cas and let go of his hand, before placing both of his hands on the oddly placed bookshelf and pulled it out from the wall, revealing a black door and the blood in Castiel’s veins froze. What was behind that door?

Dean kept his eyes on Cas while he took a firm grip around the handle and slowly opening the door, revealing a true nightmare. Cas slowly walked inside and eyed the place. The walls were white, but all the furniture was black, just like his office, but there weren’t office furniture, no. In the middle of the room there was a big black bed with blood red sheets and black pillows, on the east wall there was a black dresser and on the west wall there was a table. Roped were hanging from the roof and some sort of swing that Cas had never seen. The lightning in the room was dark and the whole room just screamed _danger._

He felt Dean’s hand wrap around his waist and he felt a pair of lips on his neck, softly kissing it, causing Cas to moan, but he quickly snapped back to reality and pushed himself away from Dean and looked at him with a terrified face.

“This?” Cas almost yelled “Is this what I said yes too?”

Dean nodded and leaned against the door frame. Cas wiped his mouth, suddenly they had changed gestures or maybe they had just spent so much time together they had started copying the other. Cas walked around the room, pulling his hair. He couldn’t believe it. He knew Dean was dangerous, but this. A black room, that looked like hell, in his white apartment, that looked and felt like heaven. This was unbelievable. Black, for concentration, he needed to concentrate while doing this. That’s how serious it is, Cas thought and wiped his whole face with the palm on his hand before turning around to face Dean.

“Are you serious?”

“Dead serious” Dean said and walked into the room, “but you didn’t want this, so we’ll remove them soon” he pointed at the ropes and the weird looking swing.

“Good” Cas answered and crossed his arms over his chest “any way we can remove this whole room soon as well?”

Dean shook his head and laughed “No”.

“This is not happening Dean, you could have shown me this first” Cas growled and Dean obviously didn’t like that because he narrowed his eyebrows and walked fast over to Castiel, who suddenly felt very small.  

“Then leave! I’m not going to hold you back!” Dean snarled “I told you, you’re not ready!”

Cas rolled his eyes “No one will ever be ready for this Dean” he said as he turned around “I’ll be gone in a few minutes”.

Saying that sentence broke his heart and he had a hard time holding back his tears as he walked back into his bedroom and threw his bag on the bed and walked over to the closet to get his clothes, the once he brought with him, and placed them in the bag before zipping it up and throwing it over his shoulder. He walked out in the living room and saw Dean standing at the front door, arms crossed and one leg placed up on the wall behind him. Castiel walked over to the door and placed his hand on the door handle, giving Dean one last look, this was probably the last time he was ever going to see Dean.

“Do you have to go?” Dean asked, voice calm and soft.

“What? Yes!” Cas said and Dean nodded.

“As you wish”

Cas let go of the handle and turned his body to face Dean.

“I can’t do that” Cas said “It’s too much”

“I understand” Dean’s hands fell to his side and he placed his foot on the floor, pushing himself from the wall “It was nice meeting you Castiel”.

“It was nice meeting you too Dean” Cas replied and opened the door “Will I ever see you again?”

Dean shook his hand, placing his hand around the door “I doubt it”.

Cas looked down and walked out into the hallway.

“Unless you get the internship of course” Cas turned around and looked at Dean who was smiling at him “Good luck”

Cas nodded “Thank you” and then the door closed and Cas was sting there, looking at the black door, 317. He took a deep breath and headed towards the elevator.

     Cas unlocked his apartment door and sighed before opening it and quickly closing it, afraid he would run back to Dean if it was open for too long. He leaned his head against the door and let his tears flow. He had just made the biggest mistake in his whole life, but it was the right thing to do. He could never have done anything in that room with Dean. It was just sick. The image of the room was burned into Cas’ mind and there was no way it would ever be erased, just like everything else with Dean. His calm and soft voice, his laughter, his hypnotizing hazel green eyes, the way he felt against Cas’ body, inside Cas’ body. He had fallen in love with a man he could never fully get, a messed up man, and this was the prize he had to pay. He was so deep into his own thoughts that he didn’t notice Anna behind him before he eventually turned around.

“Castiel? What’s wrong?”

Cas dried his tears and headed for his bedroom, not answering Anna’s question. He closed the door and threw himself onto his bed, his small, lonely bed. The tears started flowing again and he sobbed into his pillow, feeling the madras move followed by a hand stroking his back.

“Is it Dean? Did he hurt you?” Anna asked concerned and Cas turned around, sitting up, back against the wall. He shook his head and dried his tears again, which was no use, because new ones ran down.

“W-we… Broke up” Cas voice cracked and Anna pulled him in for a hug.

“I’m so sorry Cas” Anna said and Cas cried into her shoulder “Is there anything I can do?”

He shook his head and Anna held him tighter.

“I hate seeing you like this” she said and Cas pulled away, giving her a weak halfhearted smile.

“You don’t have to smile for me Cas, juts cry if that is what you need” she removed some hair from his forehead and stroke it back in place and she stroke her hand thought all his hair, letting her hand rest on his neck.

“Let’s order some pizza and watch a movie” she said tilting her head a bit and Cas looked away, taking a deep breath, before nodding, which caused more tears to flow and Anna gave him one more hug.

“Thank you” Cas sobbed and Anna stroke his back.

“Don’t thank me” she stated “You’ve been there for me so many times and now it’s my time to be here for you”

Cas placed her hands around Anna and hugged her tight, “you’re a good friend”.

     Later that night, Cas and Anna was sitting on the couch, eating pizza and just talking. They never found a movie they wanted to see so they ended up talking. Anna of course avoiding talking about Dean, something Cas was thankful for. He really didn’t want to talk about him.

“Well” Anna suddenly said “I should get to bed and so should you, you need some sleep Cas”

Cas nodded in agreement and placed the pizza crust he was holding back in the box before Anna closed it and carried it out to the kitchen.

“Goodnight Cas” Anna said before he closed the door and laid down in bed. He was just staring up at the ceiling until he eventually fell asleep, Dean consuming his entire mind. He dreamt about Dean that night.

     Castiel made his way through all the students, trying not be late for his first class. It was Monday. Anna and Cas had spent the whole Sunday in their apartment, doing nothing but talk. They made plans for the summer, they were going to a festival, they were going to travel, they made plans to see the whole world. School would be over soon and finals were right around the corner, so Cas had no time thinking about Dean. He had to focus, he couldn’t fail. He stopped to fix the grip on his books and then he noticed that everyone was staring at him. He looked around, everyone’s eyes were glued at Castiel and he started walking, very insecure, while holding his books even closer to his chest. He saw Adam making his way through all the people, waving at Castiel.

“Cas. Cas!” he yelled and Castiel stopped.

“What?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Adam asked and Castiel gave him a confused look.

“Tell you what?”

“That you’re gay!” He exclaimed and Castiel dropped his book. His head suddenly felt heavy and the room around him started spinning. He fell on his knees and Adam was quick to bow down.

“Hey! Man, are you okay?” he asked.

Castiel heard him, but it felt as if Adam was standing on the other side of the room. Castiel felt very small and squeezed his eyes shut. This wasn’t happening. How did he know? Was this why everyone was staring at him? Did everyone know?

     When Castiel came to his senses he saw that he was in the nurse’s office and he looked around. He saw Adam and Anna sitting at each their chair at the west wall and the nurse was writing something on her computer. She turned her chair and walked over to Castiel.

“How are you feeling Castiel?” she asked with a soft voice.

Castiel just looked at her, unable to speak. He had everything in his mind, but his mouth wouldn’t form them and let them escape through his lips. The nurse sighed and looked over at Adam and Anna.

“What happened?” she asked and Adam wiped his hands on his thighs.

“I just asked him why he hadn’t told me that he was gay and he just blacked out” Adam said and Cas snapped his head in his direction.

“How did you know?” he snapped and jumped at his own voice. “Did you tell him Anna?”

“No!” She shook her head and stood up “I didn’t Cas, I promise, but I know why he knows”

“How?!”

Anna looked at the nurse “Can I borrow your computer?”

The nurse nodded and Anna gestured for Cas to come join her, he did and Anna opened Google and typed in: **_Dean Winchester and boyfriend._**

Castiel felt his heart fall in his chest, but when he saw the article Anna opened, it stopped beating. The headline said

**DEAN WINCHESTER GAY? SPOTED HAND IN HAND WITH A YOUNG MAN.**

Castiel placed one hand on his head as he read.

_The past weeks, the famous CEO Dean Winchester (25), has been spotted hand in hand with an unknown man. Witnesses have said they have seen them kiss on several occasions._

Castiel moved his hand down to his chest, he had to make sure his heart was still there and then he saw the pictures, and he felt as if he was going to die on the post.

There was one of them on the beach, holding hands.

One of them walking into a restaurant, wearing suits.

One of them walking hand in hand, in Kansas. The caption saying: _Dean Winchester and boyfriend on vacation in Dean’s hometown._

And one of them in Dean’s car, both smiling.

Castiel felt dizzy again and had to sit down at the bed again. He placed his head in his hands and shook it.

“No, no, no” he said as he started pulling his hair. He felt Anna’s hand on his back and he looked up.

“Castiel, it’s going to be okay” she said and rested her head on his shoulder.

Adam coughed and Cas looked at him, it was visible that he was unsure of what do to. Anna waved her hand for him to sit down next to Cas, so he did, placing one hand on his back and stroking it.

“This…” Cas said and let his head fall back into his head. “I need to get home”.

Castiel jumped off the bed and stormed out from the office, this wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. He knew where this was going. He couldn’t face Dean again. Not after what happened on Saturday. What was he going to say? What was Dean going to say? _“My life, is over!”._


	9. Chapter 9

     Castiel opened his eyes and Anna was sitting on their old, barely used stool, next to his bed, staring at him, as if she was watching over him. He felt a little uncomfortable, but sat up, so they could talk.

“I came home yesterday” Anna said “You were a sleep, so I didn’t want to wake you, but you didn’t wake up at all, so I got worried”

Cas looked at the watch, it read 02:07pm, he rubbed his eyes and looked at Anna and frowned.

“You have slept up until now, I thought you had gone into a coma or something. When you didn’t wake up for breakfast today I called an ambulance, but they told me to just watch you, if you wouldn’t wake up today, they would come get you”

Castiel tilted his head back against the wall and closed his eyes “Good thing I don’t have any classes today then” Cas tried to joke, but Anna wasn’t laughing.

“Castiel Novak, this is serious”

“I know”

He sighed and lowered his head to look at his friend, she had a concerned look on her face and Castiel looked down at his lap. He folded his hands together and shrugged.

“I just… I don’t know what to do”

Anna sat down beside him and put her arm around his shoulder, leaning him on her shoulder.

“You don’t have to do anything, just ignore it and focus on school, the finals are next week”

“I know, I just-“

“No! You will focus on school, it will take your mind off of  Dean, okay?”

Castiel nodded and Anna smiled, pulling him in for a long hug. They sat like that for a long time, before Anna got up and asked if he was hungry, Cas shook his head, he was hungry, he just didn’t feel like eating right now. Anna nodded and left the room, but didn’t close the door completely shut, she was really worried about him.

It didn’t take long for Castiel to pull up his computer and start his school work, he had that paper about ancient Rome to write and he couldn’t wait any longer. He had two weeks left and he had to get it done. Two weeks, that meant it was only two weeks left of this semester. He had this paper, his finals, whole next week was going to be nothing but finals. He had one in English, which collaborated with advanced English, one in History, which collaborated with advanced history, one in math and one in advanced writing, all that and this stupid paper. He didn’t have time for Dean and he knew that, so he had to focus. School was important.

     After hours reading and writing, he was almost close to finished with the paper. He had written almost 8 whole pages and the minimum was 10, so he decided he could take a short break. It had been almost impossible writing that many pages, but with a little faith and imagination, everything was possible. He didn’t know how well he was going to do, but he didn’t care about that right now, as long as he didn’t fail. Castiel took a moment to think, _should I open my inbox?_ The red circle was flashing in the top corner and it read _2_. One of them could be from his school, so he didn’t have much choice but to open it and he was right, one of them were from school, Bobby, to be exact and it was just information about the paper that was due in two weeks, sent to all the students in his class, but the other, was from Dean. Castiel felt his stomach drop and he started shaking. What did Dean have to say? Did he forget something? Did he have to come get it? Or could it be about the internship? He hesitantly opened the email and took a deep breath before reading it. This could be either good or bad.

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Dean Winchester

 **Topic:** Another chance?

 **Date:** June 16 th , 08:53pm

 **To:** Castiel Novak

     I believe you have seen the article about us? If not, you should. I thought it was very cute, although, I had a lot of explaining to do to my family. I hope it didn’t cause any problems for you.

     I want to see you again, Cas, I need to see you again. I haven’t slept nor eaten since you left on Saturday. You’re making me go crazy, I have never been like this. Normally, it doesn’t affect me this much, but you, man, you’re something special.

     As your dominant I shouldn’t be begging you to come back, but fuck that, please Cas, I really want you. I won’t say we’re not going to use my room, but it can wait, until you’re ready, if you will ever be ready. Just give it another chance. If we keep going and you never get ready for it, I will let you go, I just need to feel you Castiel, because you feel so damn good.

     I want to be real good to you Castiel, I can make you feel real good, if you let me. As promised before, I won’t hurt you, outside or inside that room. A promise is a promise. I will take care of you.

     You don’t have to reply to this email, if your answer is yes, be at my office tomorrow at noon. I will be waiting. Hoping.

Dean Winchester   
CEO   
M! magazine Inc.

___________________________________________________________________________

Castiel didn’t know what to say, so he was glad he didn’t have to reply to that email. He was out of words. Dean Winchester wanted him to come back. He was begging for it, he said so himself and as a dominant, that must have taken a lot from him. Cas closed his computer and leaned his head back, staring up at the ceiling. What was he going to do?

     The next day Cas woke up before his alarm and made an easy breakfast, still not sure what to do. He could go down to the office and he would be with Dean again, or he could not go down to the office and he would never see Dean again. He placed his head on the kitchen table, arms hanging down on each side. Castiel didn’t have time for this, he had the paper and finals and having this on top, it would be too much. Maybe he could go down to the office and explain to Dean that it all had to wait until his finals were over and maybe Dean would understand, or maybe he wouldn’t, could go either way. If Cas told him to wait, he would go against the whole dominant/submissive thing and that would probably make Dean angry, but Cas wasn’t a natural submissive, if anything, he was a dominant as well, and that would never work. Dean wanted a submissive, not a dominant. He wasn’t right for Dean. Cas lightly banged his head on the table. He had never in his life been more frustrated and confused, and Dean was the reason for it all.

     Castiel pushed open the front door and gave Ellen a quick smile before heading over to the elevator, pushing the button repeatedly, fully aware of what he was about to do and he couldn’t wait a minute longer, he was already five minutes late, but that was intentional, he was going to surprise Dean. The elevator doors opened and out walked that skinny, brown haired man, Cas had seen earlier with a huge smile on his face.

“I got it Ellen” He said and almost jumped on his way over to the desk.

“Good for you Mr. Fitzgerald” Ellen replied with a bright smile on her face.

Castiel understood that this boy had gotten the internship, something that made Cas a little disappointed and a little annoyed with Dean, like he knew that Cas would come back to him. He entered the elevator and heard Ellen say “So I’ll see you around then” before the doors shut. Castiel looked at the doors, he could feel the blood rush through his veins and he could barely stand still. When the doors opened he almost ran out and over to Dean’s office door. He took a deep breath and opened it.

When inside, he slammed the door shut, making Dean turn around and drop his phone. Cas quickly locked it and went over to the window, pulling the curtains for so no one would see what was going to happen.

“Cas? What’s going on?” Dean asked, obviously very confused, good, Cas thought and waked over to Dean, taking a grip around his tie and pulling him close. Their noses brushed.

“Showing you who you’re dealing with”

Dean swallowed hard as Cas pushed him up against the desk and bent down, unbuckled his belt and pulled down Dean’s pants along with his boxers.

“Cas… Wha- oh God!” Dean said.

Cas wasn’t slow with putting his mouth around Dean’s cock and Dean gripped so hard on the edge of the desk that his knuckles went white. It didn’t take long before Dean had a full on boner and Cas deep throated him, like he had done this a million times, not gagging once.

“Jesus, Cas… oh fuck” he could hear Dean moan, trying not to be too loud.

Cas stopped for a moment and pulled back, looking at Dean’s desk and finding exactly what he was looking for. He grabbed the yellow pen and gave it to Dean. “Chew on this”.

Dean nodded and put the pen in his mouth, preventing him from yelling too much. Castiel went back to business. He exchanged between going fast and slow, hard and soft. He used his tongue and Dean was close to breaking the bed, squeezing his eyes shut and moved one hand into Cas’ hair, taking a firm grip, letting his hand follow Cas’ rhythm.

Castiel licked some pre-cum off the head and looked up at Dean. Dean used the hand that was not buried in Cas’ dark and thick hair, to remove the pen.

“Oh Jesus, Cas, don’t say you’re finished.”  

“Not even close”

Dean gasped and automatically placed the pen between his teeth again, fully aware that he was going to need it. Cas kissed Dean’s boner a few times, before placing his lips around it and going down on him, deep.

Dean started fucking himself into Cas’ mouth and Castiel let him, following the rhythm of Dean’s hips and hand. Dean tugged on his hair and when he came, Cas didn’t pull away. He let all of Dean come into his mouth before slowly and carefully backed up and looked up at Dean before swallowing it all, making a small moan escape Dean’s throat.

“Jesus Christ, Cas” Dean said, leaning against his desk and Cas pulled his pants back up and buckled up his belt.

“What?”

“I did not expect that” Dean said and looked into Cas’ blue eyes, now standing right in front of him.

“What did you expect?”

“I don’t know, you shyly walking through that door, like the last time you were in here, not…” looked down “not this”

“Not what?” Cas was playing with Dean. It was dangerous, but he was proving a point.

Dean let go of the desk and closed the gap between the two of them, “not the best God damn blow job I have ever gotten”.

Cas brushed his lips against Dean’s before turning around and placing himself at one of the chairs. He put one leg over the other and crossed his arms over his chest. Dean got the message and sat down in his big, black, leather chair and rested his arms on the desk.

“I’m not a natural submissive” Cas said

“I have understood that”

“Good” Cas replied “but, I can be, if…”

“If what?” Cas thought he heard a hint of desperation in Dean’s voice.

“If we can avoid using the room”

“Cas…” Dean said, letting out a deep breath.

“I’m not saying we’ll never use it, I’m saying as little as possible, oh and if we do, I’ll come down here, every Tuesday, at noon, and repeat what I just did”

Dean gasped and Cas could see him shifting position, he was turned on and Cas smiled in victory.

“You know” Dean started “Normally, I would have punished you by now, you’re so disobedient”.

Cas just shrugged and Dean laughed, followed by a long sigh and Dean wiped his mouth, shifting position again.

“Fine” He said and Cas raised an eyebrow “I’ll agree, but, I will add, when we then use my _room_ as you call it, I get to do as I please, anything, no questions asked, no hesitation, even tying you to the ceiling, got it?”

Cas thought about it for a moment, he didn’t like that idea, but if it meant they would barely use the creepy nightmare room, he could agree, but then again, what exactly did Dean mean by _anything_?

“Deal” Cas said, before his mind was done thinking.

Dean smiled and stood up from his chair, walked over to Cas, making Cas stand up as well. Dean pulled him close and whispered against his lips “you’re impossible”.

     Cas was walking home, he had told Dean that he had to finish school before they could start doing anything and Dean had agreed, school was important, but he had added that he couldn’t wait until Cas’ semester was over so he could have him all for himself. Cas’ little visit hadn’t ended with the blow job, not even close. Cas could still feel the pen who had been digging itself into his back during the whole act. It wasn’t on purpose, it just wouldn’t roll off the table when Dean cleared it in one quick move. He traced his hand over where the pen had been digging in, he hadn’t noticed until Dean pulled out of him and the pen was still hanging on his back while he sat up. Office sex, he could get used to that.

He made his way up the stairs and opened the apartment door just in time to bump into Michael.

“Uh, Cas…” Michael said, but Cas just gave him a smile and quickly walked into his bedroom.

He could hear Michael ask Anna about why Cas hadn’t told him to leave or cursed at him or anything and Anna replied with “He finally understands”

“Dean?” Michael asked and Cas couldn’t hear anything else, but he was sure Anna just nodded. He heard the door shut and a long sigh before his bedroom door opened.

“Why do you always just run into your bedroom as soon as you get home? Are you avoiding me?” Anna asked and leaned against the door frame, like Dean always did.

“No, I just, thought you wanted to be alone with Michael, that’s all. Did he leave?”

Anna nodded.

“Good”

Anna rolled her eyes and laughed, “You’re impossible Cas”

Anna’s statement made Cas grin and Anna laughed even more.

     They ate dinner together and talked, until they both fell asleep. Neither of them caring about the upcoming finals, today was their day off.

     “You’ll do fine Cas!” Anna said giving him a hug, he has his last final, advanced history. It was the most important one of them all. Math, English and advanced writing went well, he didn’t know the results yet, he wouldn’t until next week. Now it was Friday, and his last exam. His paper was submitted, he aced, typical Cas had Anna said. _“You didn’t even work that hard on it, you wrote it in, what? two nights?”_

“It’s just very important” Cas said and read his note one more time. Anna snapped the papers from his hands.

“If you read more now you’re just going to confuse yourself. Now go!” She pushed him insde the door and of course he tripped and everyone looked at him.

He had gotten used to that now. Ever since that article came out, everyone had looked at him, stared, for a long time, before looking away and whispering. Sometimes he caught someone saying fag, but most of the time he hears, unfair and fucking lucky. He would always smile for himself, because Dean was his, but then he remembered that Dean wasn’t his.

He hadn’t spoken to or seen Dean since Wednesday last week and Castiel craved him. It was a strange feeling, but he needed to feel Dean’s skin on his, he needed to feel the touch of his hands, his lips, his-

His thoughts were interrupted by the bell and the old lady handed out the papers. She was wearing a green skirt, red sweater, grey stockings, black boots and a black vest. It looked horrible. Her hair was white and fuzzy and she had oval glasses. Castiel frowned and looked down, and he started.

     He wrote, erased and pulled his hair multiple times, he couldn’t focus, all he could think about was Dean. How Dean felt on him, inside him, how he tasted, how soft he was. He thought about Dean’s sweaty body grinding against his, his fingers trailing his muscles. He thought about pulling on Dean’s hair and moaning his name. He thought about the pressure and the pleasure of Dean pushing himself into him, hard, slow, fast, and soft. Cas bit his lower lip and slightly slapped his forehead. _Focus_ , he thought. _This room should be black_ , he thought _, but it’s white_. Cas thought about the nightmare room, and the more he thought about it, he could see himself tied up in that bed, Dean standing over him, with a whip ready to-

The bell rang, his last exam was over and he looked down. He wasn’t even half finished. He was going to fail. He quickly wrote down what he thought was the answers to the rest of the questions, just in time for the old lady to collect it. This semester was over. He had no more classes. Now he only had to wait for the result on his finals.

     Anna was zapping through all the channels and Cas was looking at the wall, he was sure he had failed the last one. There was no way he could pass that. Dean had been on his mind the entire time, Dean had ruined his final exam, but Cas didn’t mind. He liked thinking about Dean, no matter how much it hurt sometimes, he liked it.

“Are you okay?” Anna asked and turned her head, Cas nodded and she gave her full attention to the TV again.

Castiel slowly got up and walked into his bedroom. He had to see Dean.

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Castiel Novak

 **Topic:** I need to see you

 **Date:** June 26 th , 04:23pm

 **To:** Dean Winchester

     I really need to see you. I need to touch you. Feel you. Please, sir, come pick me up!

\- Castiel Novak.

___________________________________________________________________________

Castiel closed his eyes and thought about Dean. He thought about his chest, his arms, his jaw line, the sweet taste of his lips, like cherry. The smell of Dean, a strong sent, his cologne. He couldn’t place the smell, but he liked it. He thought about his finger’s touching every part of Castiel’s body, his lips on his, eyes locked to each other. He thought about Dean’s hard, but at the same time soft cock, and then Cas found himself slowly slipping his hand under his pants, stroking himself through his boxers, before he let his hand go all the way. He thought about the color of Dean’s eyes, hazel green, hypnotic, he thought about how salty he tasted in Cas’ mouth when Cas had been a good boy, he bit his lower lip as he thought about Dean’s ass and how badly Cas wanted to be in that one day. Feeling how Dean felt. He let out a silent moan, hoping Anna wouldn’t hear. He stroked himself, harder and faster, the more he thought about Dean, and when he came, he yelled out Dean’s name and he could hear Anna chuckle from the living room. Cas coughed and slid his hand back out, before stripping down, changing boxer and going to the bathroom to wash his hand.

“Cas?” he could hear Anna ask on his way back to his bedroom.

“No!”

He shut the door and sat down, placing the laptop on his lap. He got mail.

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Dean Winchester

 **Topic:** Right around the corner

 **Date:** June 26 th, 04:30pm

 **To:** Castiel Novak

     It makes me very happy to hear that. I need that too. I’ll pick you up now. Can’t wait to feel you again, baby!

Dean Winchester   
CEO   
M! magazine Inc.

___________________________________________________________________________

Castiel looked at the watch, 04:55pm, he jumped out of bed, he had been going for a while. Dean was probably already outside. He ran out to the living room to look out the window, he was right. The black, Chevrolet Impala, was standing right outside, but for how long? He didn’t answer Anna’s questions as he threw on his shoes and ran down, not caring about tying them. He almost fell down the stairs, but he managed to catch up with his own feet just in time, luckily. Outside, Dean was sitting in the car, eyes closed, waiting for Cas. Castiel walked slowly over and when he opened the door, Dean opened his eyes and smiled at Cas.

     Dean looked at Castiel before opening the apartment door, 317, a door Cas never thought he would walk through again. When inside Dean gestured for Cas to walk into the bedroom, but Cas shook his head.

“What?” Dean asked, but Castiel didn’t answer. He walked over to the oddly placed bookshelf, pulled it out from the wall and opened the door, revealing the nightmare room.

“Really?” Dean asked with big eyes and Cas bit his lip as he nodded, he really wanted to do it, in that room, giving himself fully to Dean. He wanted it, he needed it, he craved it.

“If you think you’re ready”

“Oh, I’m ready, sir” Cas said and started walking in the door, but said “don’t go easy on me” before he disappeared trough the frame and he could hear Dean gasp. They both wanted this, so badly.

     “All tied up” Dean said, taking a step back to look at Cas.

His hands were tied on the bed frame, above his head, his legs, tied on each side, separated, only wearing his boxers. Dean was standing on the end of the bed, looking at Cas, biting his lip.

“I’m going to take real good care of you baby” he said and turned to the dresser and pulled out a piece of cloth out from one of the drawers along with a whip. He then walked back over to Cas.

“W-wha-“ he started but was cut off by Dean shushing on him and gagging him the piece of cloth.

“No talking”

Cas nodded and laid his head down on one of the pillows.

“If you make a sound, I will have to punish you, got it?”

Cas nodded again.

“Good”

He had his head down on the pillow, but he could hear Dean’s bet unbuckle and his zipper go down. He took a deep breath, he was more than turned on right now. He felt the pressure from his boxers and prayed that Dean would remove them soon. Then he felt the madras move beneath him and then, he had the most beautiful man in this whole world on top of him, wearing nothing but an open, white shirt and a pair of black boxers. Dean didn’t say anything, he just started kissing Cas’ neck, his collarbones, his shoulders, down his left arm, then up again, down his stomach and all the way down to the waistband of his boxers, before tugging on it with his teeth. Cas’ twisted in pleasure, just waiting for Dean to get to business.

Dean started stroking his thighs, outside, topside, inside. All of them, and Cas wanted to moan, but he wasn’t allowed, it was torture. Not being able to say Dean’s name, or call him sir or ask him to just get on with it. Then he felt Dean stroking him through the fabric of his boxers and Cas leaned his head back, closing his eyes, lifting his hips a little. He felt the waistband being lifted, but released again, smacking against his body, burning a little bit, but Castiel found himself turned on by that and for some reason he wanted Dean to do it again, but he couldn’t ask.

Dean leaned his whole body against Cas’ and grinded himself against him. Cas wanted to touch Dean, he wanted to wrap his arms and legs around him, but he couldn’t. Then he felt a burning sensation on his chest, it was as if a thousand needles pierced his skin at the same time, but he knew what it was, it was the whip.

“Not a sound” Dean commanded.

Cas hadn’t noticed, but he had moaned, not loudly, but a small one had escaped his throat and now Dean had punished him, Castiel didn’t mind the punishment, so he was tempted to moan again.

The foreplay wasn’t long, there was no touching, no kissing, only Dean slowly feeling his thighs and kissing them sometimes, before he ripped of his boxers, literally ripped them, and each pieced landed on each side of the room. Then he felt the cold, sticky feeling, that he knew was the lube and then, the pressure of Dean.

He could hear Dean moan loudly and Cas wanted to moan too, but he couldn’t, he could, but Dean didn’t want that and he only wanted to do as Dean said. Dean was his master, his king and he was completely in love with him.

“Oh fuck me Cas!” Dean yelled and slapped his thigh, hard and Castiel almost made a noise, almost.

Dean kept going faster and harder and sometimes he bent down and bit on Cas’ neck, chest and nipples, Cas wanted to moan so badly, screaming Dean’s name, this was pure torture, but he liked it. The feeling of having someone take full control, maybe he was a natural submissive after all.

Dean pushed one, hard, last time and Cas felt it, inside of him, and when he thought it was over, he felt a pair of lips on his cock, Dean was sucking him. He swallowed hard and twisted, again in pleasure. It didn’t take long before he ejected and he could feel Dean not pulling away before everything was out. Hazel green eyes, locked to his, while the cloth was being removed and Dean’s lips met him, giving Cas all of himself. He tasted himself. Dean wanted him to, so he did. After making out for what seemed forever, Dean pulled away and smiled at Castiel.

“Good boy” he said and patted Dean’s cheek, “I’m going to take shower, you just lay here until I come get you”

Cas nodded and watched as Dean left, the door closed and the room got dark. He couldn’t see anything and finally he could release a silent moan. He did not regret going into this room. Dean was good.

     Thirty minutes later and Cas was standing in the shower, thinking about the recent happening. He wanted it to happen again. He scrubbed his body, even though he didn’t want to, he didn’t want to scrub Dean off of him, but Dean had commanded him to take a shower, so he had to.

     They ate dinner, talked and when Cas walked up to go to bed, Dean pulled him back down, slamming his lips on his and Cas was startled. _No acts of love outside the act._ Dean pulled away and smiled at the blue eyed man.

“Good night Cas”

“G-good night”

Castiel slowly walked into his bedroom and before he fell asleep, he relived the whole act in his head, unconsciously touching himself again. He couldn’t get enough of Dean and luckily, tomorrow wasn’t far away. It would happen again tomorrow and Castiel could barely wait. He craved Dean on a level that was far beyond his understanding, but he didn’t want to understand it, he didn’t have to. This was all he needed. Dean.  


	10. Chapter 10

     The months flew by and Castiel had gotten more and more used to Dean’s room and they used it more frequently, but even though they had used the room more times than Cas could count on both his hands, he till came down ever Tuesday, at noon, to give Dean what he promised he would. Partly because he wanted to and partly because Dean would always reward him in some way, either it was flowers, dinner or a blow job for Cas. Castiel had grown on this whole domestic relationship thing they had going on and right now, he couldn’t imagine being with Dean in any other way than this.

     It was Tuesday, October 5th, and Castiel had just finished his duty as a submissive and Dean had just zipped up his pants when the skinny, brown haired boy walked into the office, Castiel had learned that his name was Garth, and he was a nice kid. He was carrying a stack of papers and he silently placed them on Dean’s desk, avoiding eye contact with either of them. He had walked in on them once and ever since, he would walk carefully around the office at Tuesdays. The thought of it made Castiel laugh.

He had been in the middle of the blow job when he had heard a loud gasp and he had quickly pulled away to see a shocked young man, standing wide eyes in the open door, papers all around him. He had then coughed and quickly gathered his papers before slowly walking out and closing the door. Normally Cas would lock the door when he came, but sometimes he forgot.

“Damn Cas, I didn’t know it was possible, but you’re getting better” Dean said, holding Cas around his waist.

Castiel had noticed a strange change of behavior in Dean. He would always hold his hand when they were together, but only for a short period of time, before coughing, letting go and acting like nothing happened. He would also kiss him goodnight and hug him whenever he had the chance. Castiel remembered that Dean specifically said _no acts of love_ , but he was for sure showering Castiel in acts of love. He didn’t complain, he wasn’t supposed to anyway, not that he wanted to.

“I try” was Castiel’s reply and Dean laughed, pulling him in for a hug.

Castiel had wanted to say the three words for weeks now, but he never found the chance and he was afraid Dean wouldn’t say them back and that would crush him, even though he knew that Dean didn’t want a relationship, but maybe he had changed his mind. Whatever happened to Dean that made him avoid relationships was still a mystery to Castiel and he was dying to find out, but he never found the courage to ask, afraid that Dean would get angry. He had gotten angry once, very angry.

     They were sitting on the couch, it was mid-August and they had just finished one of their acts, this time, it had been rougher than ever and Castiel had a big red mark on his back after Dean had used the whip. It didn’t bother him, as long as he didn’t lean back on the couch. That would burn like hell. Dean was holding Cas’ hand and Castiel found it very odd, consider what Dean once had told him, so he decided to ask him a question.

“Dean?” Castiel started and Dean gave him his full attention “what do you feel for me?”

“I don’t feel Cas” was his reply and Castiel had quickly snapped “then why are you holding my hand?”

Dean’s eyes had widened to the point where Castiel was sure they would pop out at any time and the word “what?” had escaped Dean’s lips.

“I mean it!” Cas had said “Why are you holding my hand, kissing me, hugging me, if you don’t _feel_?”

“You’re not supposed to ask questions” Dean said and let go of Cas’ hand, making Castiel’s heart drop in his chest, he didn’t want him to let go.

“But I am” he snapped and Dean narrowed his eyebrows

“Enough!”

“No!”

Then he felt a burn on his left cheek and Dean had a shocked expression on his face. Castiel placed his hand on his cheek and stood up.

“Cas, I’m sorry.” Dean stood up as well “I’m so, so sorry Castiel. I didn’t mean to-“

Castiel had cut him off by lifting one hand to his face “you said you wouldn’t hurt me”.

“Cas…”

“Forget it! I’ll be in my room” and with that Castiel had left Dean in the living room, slamming his bedroom door and lying down on the bed. Dean had slapped him.

It didn’t take him long to forgive him, because Dean came into his room with flowers, that bright smile of his and his hazel green eyes. They had sex in Cas’ bed that night.

Cas had called it, making love once, but then Dean had replied “I don’t make love, I fuck, Cas” and that had made Castiel’s blood freeze.

     Now he was standing in his office, the beginning of October and he was still unsure if Dean felt for him or not.

“I don’t get it though” Dean said and Castiel frowned.

“What?”

“You said you’d come down here if we didn’t use my room, but we use it quite often and you’re still coming down here, every Tuesday at noon, blowing my brains out”.

Cas laughed and tangled his fingers together behind Dean’s back.

“I like it” he shrugged a little

“Why?”

“Because” Cas started “you’re my own Dean flavored popsicle and I can’t get enough”

Dean laughed and leaned his head back and Cas saw the opportunity to kiss it, making Dean release a small moan before bending his head back down. Cas was staring into Dean’s eyes and he felt his heartbeat raise, to the point where he was sure it was going to jump out of his chest. This was the right time to say it.

“Dean I…” Cas started and Dean tilted his head slightly. “I love you”.

Dean immediately let go of Cas and walked over to the window, back turned to Cas, wiping his mouth and drew his hand though his golden brown hair. Castiel gazed at him and he knew Dean wasn’t going to say it back, but he had to.

“Come on Dean. Please, don’t make me look like a fool, say you love me too”

“I can’t” Dean replied and turned his head slightly “I think it’s time for you to leave”

“What? Why?”

Dean sighed “because I have to work”

Cas looked down as he turned around and opened the door slowly “You know where to find me” was the last thing Cas said before leaving the office and heading down to the lobby.

When he walked out of the elevator he smiled at Ellen and he saw that Jo was standing at the desk, smiling at Castiel. They had been talking a lot lately and they had even gone out for coffee and she had been in his apartment, watching movies with him and Anna.

“Hey Cas!” she yelled and waved at him, slowly running over to where he was standing “where are you going?”

“Home, I guess” Cas said a little low and it must have been very visible that something had happened, because Ellen gave him a concerned look.

“Care to join me for lunch?” Jo asked and Cas nodded. He stuck out his elbow for Jo to take and they walked to the nearest café.

     Jo wasn’t like the other girls in California. She didn’t order salad and water, she went full on burger and beer and Cas admired that about her, he also wondered how she could eat all that, she was so fit.

“So, you and Dean, weren’t a thing after all?” she asked and took a sip from her beer.

Cas shook his head. After the whole article, Dean had gone out in public and said that those photos were photo shopped, and that he was friends with Castiel, and they had been all those placed, but some of them had been taking out of proportion and others were photo shopped, he also said that they had never kissed. Cas had agreed to him going out saying this, because he couldn’t handle all the people staring. It was overwhelming.

“Too bad, I think you two would have been cute” Jo said and smiled at Cas “but you know who I think would have been even cuter?”

“Who?” Castiel took a small bite from his fry as Jo leaned over the table, looking at Cas.

“You and me”

Castiel almost choked on the small piece of fry and had to cough. Tears were rolling from his eyes and Jo looked at him concerned. When Cas managed to catch his breath he looked out the window.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No” Cas looked back at Jo “I just… got shocked, that’s all”

Jo nodded “So, you and I?”

“Jo I’m flattered but-“

Jo took his hand “no buts, let’s go out”

“What?”

“Tonight, like a date, what do you say?” she smiled at Cas and he knew he had to say no. He couldn’t, he was Dean’s belonging.

“Jo, I can’t” he said and pulled his hand towards him, releasing it from Jo’s grip.

“Why not?”

“Because” Cas looked out the window again before letting out a sigh and looking down at the table “because the photos may have been photo shopped, but I’m still gay”

Jo’s eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hands, a small gasp coming from her mouth. She placed her hands back down at the table and kept her eyes glues to Cas.

“God, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, really” Cas smiled at her, but Jo didn’t smile back, it looked like she was thinking. Her mouth was moving and her eyes were pointed up out into thin air. She always did that when she was thinking.

“You’re always at the office, every Tuesday, at noon” she started “and you always come back out with a smile”

She stopped talking and looked back down at Cas “oh my God! You are dating” she yelled and everyone in the restaurant looked at her.

“A little louder, will you? I don’t think the east coast heard you”

“Sorry” Jo said and leaned over the table. “are you?”

“Promise not to tell anyone?”

Jo nodded and Cas sighed, nodding and Jo’s mouth shaped into a big smile.

“I knew it! Not really, but I knew it!”

Cas laughed and Jo did too, they finished their meal and Cas went home. He was glad Jo had asked him out for lunch, it took the fact that Dean didn’t love him off his mind, but now that he was walking alone, it slowly crept back.

     “You disappear every Friday and you’re gone until Sunday! What is going on Cas?” Anna asked, arms crossed over her chest. 

“Nothing is going on, I just, spend the weekends at Dean’s place” he said, placing his computer in his bag.

“Why can’t he stay a weekend here?” she asked and Cas straightened up, sighing.

“Because, he has his own apartment and he’s the only one living there. It would be too crowded in here, plus, my bed doesn’t fit two people.” Cas said, zipping his bag close and throwing it over his shoulder, Dean was waiting outside.

“Cas, I swear-“

“What?” He gave Anna a serious look and she took a step back, letting her arms drop to her sides.

“Have fun” he waved him away with her right hand and walked into the living room. Cas felt a little bad for leaving her, Michael had just gone douchebag on her again, but he had the contract, so he couldn’t stay. That was next weekend.

     Inside of Dean’s apartment it didn’t take them long to be undressed and in bed, Dean’s bed, because Dean had insisted they would have vanilla sex tonight. Dean had insisted, Dean wanted to, he didn’t want to use the room. Cas was overthinking everything, he shouldn’t. He enjoyed doing it outside of the room, because he was allowed to talk, moan and scream, only thing was he wasn’t allowed to touch Dean, which he found very odd, but he didn’t complain. It was only during the act, when they were done, he was allowed to touch Dean as much as he wanted.

     Dean was in the shower and Castiel could hear him sing, he chuckled a little, sitting on the couch, writing things in his little notepad. All his questions for Dean so he wouldn’t forget them when he finally got the courage to ask. Castiel turned his head towards the door when the doorball rang, he waited a few minutes for Dean to come out from the bathroom, but when he didn’t, Cas figured he hadn’t heard it so he got up to answer. He wondered who that could be.

When he opened the door a woman, dark hair, brown eyes, shorter than Castiel, was standing at the other side. At first she smiled, but when she saw Cas the smile faded and she raised one eyebrow.

“Who are you?” she asked and placed one hand on her hip.

“I’m Castiel” he replied “who are you?”

She rolled her eyes and looked into the apartment “where’s Dean?”

“In the shower”.

“Mind if I come in?” she asked and Castiel shifted uncomfortable, he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to let anyone into Dean’s apartment, so he said “actually I do”.

She raised both her eyebrows and blinked a few times “Excuse you?”

“I don’t know who you are and I don’t know if Dean want’s you in his apartment”

She seemed to relax her shoulders a little when Cas said his apartment, as if she thought Castiel owned this with Dean. “I’m Lisa” she said “Lisa Braeden, I’m an old friend of Dean’s”

 _Friend? Right,_ Cas thought. She was probably one of his previous submissives, and she was probably here to beg for him to take her back, _too late_. Castiel hesitated a little, not because of who he thought she was, but because he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to let anyone in. Then he heard the bathroom door open and close and Dean’s soft voice ask “Cas? Baby? Where are you?” He turned the corner and his eyes grew big when he saw Cas at the door, did I do something wrong? Was Cas’ first thought, and he flinched a little when Dean walked over and placed his hand on the door. Dean took notice to Cas’ flinching and winked at him, making Cas relax, he hadn’t done anything wrong, Dean wasn’t angry. Cas had been a little unsure around Dean after that time he had slapped him, it only happened once, but he was still a little scared.

“What are you doing here?” Dean asked, voice hard and cold.

“I wanted to see you, talk to you” Lisa replied and flashed a smile to Dean.

“I have nothing to say to you” Dean didn’t care for a reply, he closed the door and locked it, ignoring the repeatedly ringing of the doorbell.

“Who was that?” Cas asked as Dean walked back into the apartment.

“No one, don’t bother with her”

Cas rolled his eyes and unlocked the door, Dean wasn’t going to give him answers, he knew that, but maybe Lisa would. He glared at Dean and in return he got a look that said _I haven’t punished you properly before, but that might change tonight_ , which to Cas replied with his eyes _try me._ He opened the door and Lisa was standing there, hand raised, ready to knock.

“Please, come in” Cas said and opened the door even more, narrowing his eyes at Dean. Lisa entered the apartment and gave Cas a smile, mouthing, _thank you_. Cas rolled his eyes, _this isn’t for you, it’s for me._

Dean sat down at the couch, rubbing his face and sighing. Cas walked over, sat down beside him and whispered “someone in this room is going to answer my questions, you or her, I don’t really care. I need to know”. Dean turned his head and gave Cas a so cold glare that Cas’ blood froze on the spot, stopped streaming through his veins and he was certain that he was dying, that Dean could kill with one look. Lisa took a seat on the other side of Dean, a little further away than what Cas had done and she just looked at him.

“Dean I…” she started but Dean cut her off “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t know why Castiel let you in, I don’t want you in my apartment”.

“Dean I’m sorry”

Dean stood up, walked away from the couch and gave them both a death stare, before pointing at Cas and saying “You will regret this!” and then he left, his bedroom door closed and you could hear something being thrown against the wall of the floor, breaking into a thousand pieces. The both frowned and then looked at each other.

Cas opened his mouth “who are you?”

     After many hours and even more questions later, Lisa waved goodbye to Castiel before he closed the door and his throat grew thick as he heard Dean’s footsteps behind him. He knew everything about Dean now. He knew why he moved to New York, he knew who Lisa was, he had understood why Dean doesn’t want to love. He is capable of loving, he just doesn’t want to, and Cas understood. He was mad at Lisa, for what she had done, but a part of him was glad she had, because if she hadn’t, Dean would probably still be with her and not whit him. He slowly turned around, preparing himself for whatever Dean had in mind.

“Are you happy now?” Dean yelled

Cas nodded, he was.

“You stupid son of a bitch!” he yelled even louder and punched a lamp of the table on Dean’s right.

Cas looked down and shut his eyes, he had disobeyed, but he had to. Now he knew the truth, and that was good. Now he understood Dean, now he finally understood and his view on Dean hadn’t changed for the bad, but for the better. If possible, he was even more in love with Dean now than ever, because he knew he was capable of loving, Cas just had to dig deep enough.

“You’re so stupid Cas” Dean said, not yelling, it sounded like he was on the verge of crying, Cas looked up and met Dean’s eyes. Filled with tears.

“Dean?”

He turned around and walked over to the window, looking out. “Go to your room, or, not, do whatever you want, you don’t listen to me anyway”

“Dean I…” he was cut off.

“No! You never listen, so this, won’t work. We’re done here. You can leave tomorrow, it’s late now. Go to sleep, or not, do as you please.” His voice was hard again, but not cold, if anything, Cas thought he could catch a glimpse of sadness and regret in his voice.

Castiel walked up to Dean and stood behind him for a moment, looking at their reflection in the window, surrounded by the darkness of the night and all the lights from the outside world, moving, fast. He took one step closer and wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist and rested his head on his shoulder, he was shocked when Dean leaned his head against his own and closed his eyes.

“Don’t leave” came as a whisper from Dean’s lips and Castiel kissed his shoulder.

“Never”.

Dean still had his eyes closed and Cas was still looking at their reflection. He felt Dean’s hands move on top of his, tangling their fingers together. Castiel took a deep breath.

“I love you” he said and Dean didn’t react the same way he had the first time. He was still standing there, eyes closed.

“Cas, I don’t love”

“I know, It’s okay”

Dean opened his eyes, gazing at their reflection, like Cas had done all this time “but I care about you, a lot”

Cas could feel his heartbeat raise and Dean leaned against Cas’ body, making them stand even closer, there was no gap nor air between them now. It was only them, just how Cas wanted it. Now he could finally start fixing Dean. Put him together piece by piece, until he loved. Until he loved Cas.

     The next morning Cas was awakened by a loud bang, even though they had shared a moment last night, he has still slept in his own bed, but he now understood. It was nice understanding everything for a change. He tiredly climbed out of bed and rubbed his eyes while opening the door. He saw two men, wearing a blue jumpsuit and blue caps, and they were carrying the big black bed out from the apartment. He saw Dean standing at the kitchen and he walked over to him, receiving a smile.

“Morning Cas”

Castiel raised one eyebrow and looked at the men carrying out the bed “what’s going on?”

“Just replacing the bed. It was getting old” Dean took a sip from his glass, and placed it, empty, on the kitchen counter.

“Oh” Castiel had first thought that he was getting rid of that room, and no matter how much he enjoyed using it, he could never really like it because he knew what type of room it was. He opened one of the cabinets and found a glass, filled it with water from the sink and placed himself on the couch. It was Saturday and he had no idea what plans Dean had made for today.

Dean didn’t have any plans. Other than their usual fuck, so they spent the whole morning on the couch talking.

“You should really get a TV” Cas said and pointed at the empty wall.

“It will only distract me” Dean replied and pulled Cas’ legs closer to him. Cas had his legs over Dean’s lap and his back was leaned against the armrest.

“It’s nice to watch a movie every once in a while”

“We can go to the movies” Dean proposed but Cas shook his head.

“There will be a new article you know”

Dean nodded and reached out his hand to stroke Cas’ cheek, making Cas giggle. Dean found it adorable when Cas giggled, so he always tried to find ways for him to do so.

“I don’t get you” Cas suddenly said and Dean raised one eyebrow “what?”

“I mean, I don’t want to start an argument, but why do you treat me like this if you don’t want a relationship?”

Dean stroke Cas’ leg from his ankle and to right above his knee and down, before he gave it one pat and let out a deep breath.

“I don’t know”

“Right” Cas sighed “and I know you don’t want to love, but how come I can’t touch you when we’re having sex?”

“Because, touching is something sensitive, sensual, intimate and at some level romantic, and it can lead to love. You know why I don’t, can’t love” Dean sighed and removed Cas’ legs from his lap, leaning forward, pulling through his hair.

Cas sat up and placed one hand on Dean’s back, stroking it, like he always did with Anna.

“I know Lisa cheated, and I know you loved her, you were engaged, but you can love. You’re just afraid”

“Don’t tell me what I am” Dean snapped and stood up “Don’t…”

Cas looked at Dean, he was so vulnerable now that Castiel knew what he knew, he could see just how afraid Dean was off love.

“Then tell me what you are”

Dean turned around and gazed at Castiel, soft, hypnotic, hazel green eyes, that in a blink of an eye turned cold and dark, still hypnotizing. “No” he spat and walked over to Castiel, pushed him down on the couch and placed himself on top of him.

Dean bent down and started kissing Cas’ neck, biting on it, undoing the button on his jeans, but he stopped, all of a sudden, and he lifted his head and gazed into Cas’ eyes, soft again, Cas gazed back and Dean’s lips met his, not like he had expected, not with lust and hunger, the kiss was filled with emotions, sadness, desperation, and on some level love. Dean pulled back and lifted himself off of Cas, Cas following by lifting up his upper body, supporting his weight on his elbows.

“Talk to me, please” Cas begged and Dean sighed, turning his head away. “You’re doing this, this life style, so you won’t have to get emotionally attached to someone” Cas continued and he could see Dean barely nodding, head still turned the other way.

Cas felt a lump in his stomach and his heart dropped, he felt so sorry for Dean and he wanted to make everything better.

“Ever since you walked into my office, I haven’t been able to think about anyone but you, there’s just something about you Cas” Dean started and turned around to face him “and there has been many times, so fucking many, where I have just wanted to tell you to screw the contract and just be with me, but I can’t”

“Why not?” Cas moved a little closer to Dean.

“Because I need the contract to know that you are mine and only mine, and that you won’t run off with someone else. The contract makes me the one in control, and I don’t do this because I like the power, I do it because I need to have control, so the other person won’t-“ he cut himself off as Castiel grabbed his hand.

“I’m not going anywhere”

Dean’s eyes widened before he looked down at the floor, “We’re sticking to the contract”

“Dean…”

“No! And no more of these talks. I don’t do chick flick moments” Dean shook loose from Cas grip and stood up, walking over to the kitchen. “unfortunately we can’t do anything tonight, there’s no bed in there” he pointed towards the room “and I don’t feel like going vanilla with you tonight”

Cas nodded and looked the other way. He heard the sound of the fridge open and then close, followed by the fizzling sound from the frying pan, “Burger?” Dean asked and Cas nodded.

It hadn’t gone the way Cas had wanted it, but at least he knew more now than what he did a couple of minutes ago. Dean was afraid, he needed control and Cas figured if he could prove to Dean that he wouldn’t leave him for someone else, then maybe Dean could one day love him too.

     Cas had borrowed a scarf from Dean to cover up his neck. They had ended up having sex last night and it had gotten rough, too rough, and Cas now had a few purple marks, proving that Dean held to tight around his neck. It was his own fault, Cas should have said the safe word, he didn’t, and Dean had been furious afterwards.

He was on his way up to the apartment, getting ready to support Anna. He knew this was going to happen, he knew Michael would never change, he was a douche and he was always going to be a douche. A cheating douche, and Cas who almost started to like him.

He opened the apartment door and Anna practically ran him down, hugging him, crying into his shoulder. The smell in the apartment was strong and thick, the type of smell that comes when you don’t clean or open any windows for days. He looked over Anna and into the living room. Tissues, ice-cream boxes, empty beer bottles everywhere and a half eaten pizza, that looked like she ordered it when he left on Friday. He held Anna on an arm’s length and looked at her.

“Have you been locked up here all weekend?” he asked and Anna nodded, sniffing, drying a tear, Cas pulled her back in and held her tight. “Why didn’t you call?”

Anna sniffed and took a step back “You were with Dean and I didn’t want to ruin your weekend”.

“You wouldn’t have ruined my weekend. I can see Dean any time, and I would have come back here right away” he said and stroke Anna’s hair. He knew he was lying. He wouldn’t, he couldn’t. Those arranged weekends he belonged to Dean and if Dean wouldn’t let him go, then he couldn’t. He might be disobedient at times and go against Dean at some points, but he would always stick to the ground rules. Dean was the dominant and Cas was the submissive. Anna lifted her head and smiled at Castiel before she went back into the living room.

     “Cas?” Castiel turned his head towards Anna “It’s like a hundred degrees in here, why are you wearing a scarf?”

Castiel touched the scarf, and swallowed hard “I’m getting sick”

“Bullshit” Anna snapped, then she covered her mouth and gasped “did he hurt you?”

“No” Cas said, obviously nervous.

“You’re lying. Remove the scarf!”

Cas shook his head, “Cas!”

Cas let out a heavy sigh, there was no way he was going to be able to keep this from Anna for much longer. He would eventually have to remove the scarf and she would see. He slowly started pulling the scarf off and when he revealed the purple marks Anna gasped and held one hand on her chest.

“Jesus! Cas. What the hell?!”

“Anna it’s not-“

“Not what? What it looks like? To me it looks pretty clear what this is!” She sounded really disappointed and angry, like a parent that caught their kid in doing something they shouldn’t have done. “Care to explain?”

“I can’t” Cas said and looked down in his lap.

“If you don’t explain this to me right now, I am dragging you down to the police station” He voice was hard and determined, there was no way around it. He had to tell her.

“Okay, but you can’t tell anyone, promise?”

Anna was silent for a moment, just staring at Cas, eyebrows furrowed and her mouth was a thin line. She sighed before she nodded “I promise”.

“Good.” Cas started “Okay, so this is what happened”.


	11. Chapter 11

     Castiel was on his way out, down to Dean’s office. It was again Tuesday and it was half past eleven. He was just about to open the door when Anna gripped his arm.

“Where are you going?” she asked and he rolled his eyes.

Ever since he told her about Dean, and he had told her everything, the contract, the apartment, the room and even Lisa, ever since all that came out, she had been overprotective over Cas, it had only been two days, but she had already managed to get on his last nerve.

“You’re not going to see Dean? I know what day it is”

“Yes I am” he said and opened the door, shaking loose from Anna’s grip.

“I won’t let you do that. How can you let someone have full control over you? Own you? No, I won’t allow that” she said and Cas replied with a simple “you’re doing the same as him now” and then he closed the door.

He wasn’t going to take that sort of thing from Anna, of all people, he had always been there for her, supported her, he understood that she was concerned, but there was nothing to worry about. The contract was there for a reason, so no one should be worried. She had promised not to tell anyone, but for the first time in forever Castiel was actually afraid that Anna would spill his secret and that would ruin everything with Dean.

     He entered the building and smiled at Ellen and Garth who was chatting about colors when he walked in. He didn’t care much about it, he just wanted to get up to Dean. He took the elevator up to the fifth floor, opened the office door and locked it. He walked straight up to Dean, but was stopped by his hands grabbing his arms.

“Not today” Dean said and Cas tilted his head.

“Why not?”

Dean let go of him and sat down in his chair, gesturing for Cas to sit as well, he did and looked confused at Dean. What was going on?

“We need to talk” the tone of his voice was serious and Castiel became nervous. “I have some questions for you.”

“O-okay” Cas stuttered and used his left hand to scratch the back of his neck. Suddenly the air in Dean’s office seemed thick and he could hear his own pulse. Had Anna called him?

“So I’ve been thinking, a lot, about you, us, the contract” Dean started and Cas swallowed, having trouble breathing “and I wanted to ask you, do you want to annul the contract?” Dean looked him straight into his eyes and Castiel couldn’t believe what he had just heard.

“What? No! What makes you think that?” Cas said very stressed and nervous and Dean smiled slightly shaking his head.

“Not like that, let me finish” Castiel coughed and nodded, before Dean continued, “This is very difficult for me, so I will need some time, but I was wondering if you would want to annul the contract and just be with me, without the rules and arranged days?” Dean took a deep breath and folded his hands in front of him on the desk, “Castiel, what I’m trying to say is, will you be my boyfriend?”

Castiel’s jaw dropped to the floor and he could no longer feel his heartbeat. Was this real? Did Dean really just ask him that? Was he being serious? Or was he just testing him? Castiel wasn’t able to pull his eyes away from Dean, he wasn’t able to move at all. It felt as the room was spinning and his head felt light, as if it could just float of his neck at any given time.

“R-really?” he managed to force out of his mouth, his tongue having problem shaping that simple word.

“Yes, really” Dean said and twirled his thumbs, again he looked so vulnerable.

Castiel never thought he would hear Dean say that and his mind was spinning, there was so much going on, so many questions that would probably never be answered, like for example, why the sudden change of mind? Castiel hadn’t noticed, but he had been silent for fifteen minutes and it wasn’t before Dean walked over to him and took his hand to help him up, he realized that he still hadn’t answered Dean’s question.

“I’m taking your silence as a no then” Dean said, and you could almost see the disappointment in his voice not only hear it.

“Yes” Dean’s eyes widened “No, I mean, yes, no?” Cas tilted his head and narrowed his eyebrows, he had managed to confuse himself. Dean blinked a few times before stroking Cas’ cheek.

“Let’s try again” Cas nodded “Will you be-“

“Yes” Cas said before Dean managed to finish his sentence.

Dean shook his head and laughed, his hazel green eyes sparkled in a way Cas had never seen before. He gazed into them as they moved closer and closer, until they slowly closed and Dean’s lips fell on Cas’ and they shared their first kiss as real boyfriends, not only partners under a contract. He could feel Dean smile into the kiss and Cas wrapped his arms around his neck, feeling Dean pulling him closer, holding his waist. Dean pulled away eventually and rested his forehead on Cas’, both had their eyes closed.

“I love you” Cas said, almost whispering.

“I care about you, a lot” was Dean’s reply, but Cas didn’t mind. He had Dean, for real this time.

     Cas had moved in with Dean, Anna being strongly against it, she had even threatened to tell Dean that she knew, something that had made Castiel very angry and they hadn’t spoken in months now. It was December, 8th, and Dean was doing the dishes. They had lived together for almost two months now, December 15th would make mark the second month. It had been better than Castiel had expected, the first few weeks they tried to do as they did, they tried using Dean’s room, but Dean said it felt wrong, so now they had made it into a study. Castiel had finally made Dean buy a TV and it was placed on the wall that was once empty. It looked much better now. The second bedroom was made into one big walk in closet and the closet in what was now Dean and Cas’ bedroom was gone, replaced with a couch and some bookshelf’s. Castiel had made Dean keep some of his _toys_ , like the handcuffs and whip. Dean was skeptical, wanting to remove all of his previous life, but Cas had practically begged for him to keep them, saying “but I like them and it would be fun spicing things up every now and then don’t you think?” and Dean couldn’t argue with that. The only thing that bothered Castiel was that every morning when they woke up he would say to Dean “I love you” only to get “I care a lot about you” in return. He would say it a few times during the day, after they’ve had made love, which Dean liked to call it now, and before they fell asleep, only to get the same response “I care about you a lot”. The first few weeks it was okay, even the first month, but now, after such a long time, it started to annoy him and he felt like Dean was never going to love him. Castiel was now sitting on the couch, reading a book, while the TV was on, volume low, in the background and Dean was standing in the kitchen. It was practically almost perfect.

“Cas?” Dean suddenly said, placing the last plate in the cabinet. Castiel lifted his head from the book and closed it, placing it on the coffee table and turning his body to face Dean. “I got a mail from my parents yesterday, they asked if we wanted to come spend the weekend with them. Sam is coming to and his fiancé Jessica.” He seemed really nervous, either because he was afraid Cas would say no or because he was afraid for them to meet Castiel.

“If you want to” Cas replied and smiled at his boyfriend.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it will be nice getting away for a few days”

Dean pushed himself away from the counter and walked over to Castiel, placing himself beside him and plating a kiss on his mouth. Cas couldn’t get enough of Dean’s lips. They were like drugs, once you had tasted them, you would crave them every minute of your day until you tasted them again. Dean was Cas’ drug.

     Cas laid down on his back on their bed and Dean climbed on top of him, leaning down kissing his neck, up his jaw line, along his cheek and ending it at the corner of his mouth.

“Top or bottom?” Dean asked and Castiel smirked, Dean knowing very well that meant that Cas wanted to top, “Okay then” he said and took a grip around Cas, flipping them over, making them change positions “I’m all yours baby”.

Castiel placed kisses down Dean’s neck, his bare chest, all the way down to the waist band on his boxer, feeling Dean’s breath getting heavier the closer he got to it. He tugged on it with his teeth and then moved his hand up Dean’s leg, stroking his thigh, moving it to the bulge on his boxers, stroking him through the fabric until Dean moaned, then he pulled them off and it didn’t take more than a second before his lips were around Dean’s boner. He bobbed up and down a few times, changing tempo, between fast and slow, using his tongue around the head, and licking off some pre-cum before looking at Dean. He climbed over him and kissed him, hard and passionate, before stretching over to the nigh stand and grabbing the lube. He lubed up Dean and removed his boxers before lubing up himself, he separated Dean’s legs and looked at his man before asking “Ready?”. Dean hadn’t been bottom as often as Cas, so he wasn’t sure if he could just go at it. Dean nodded and Castiel slowly pushed himself inside of Dean.

“Mmmm… Ah! Cas!” Dean moaned as Cas went from slow to a little faster with each push.

They moved in sync, bodies close to each other, kissing, touching, just how it was supposed to be. Cas was happy and it seemed like Dean was happy too. Especially when Cas came and his penis expanded a little while doing so. They were happy.

     Cas grabbed Dean’s hand as he looked at the big, light blue house, it had a white picket fence, green yard and lots of flowers. He had seen it once before, but this time, he was also going to see the inside. He had never been more nervous, not even when he was going to meet Dean for the first time, this was worse, he was going to meet Dean’s parents for the first time, along with his brother and his fiancé.

“It will be okay Cas” Dean said and squeezed his hand “they know about you”

Castiel looked at Dean with a questioning expression, how did they know about him?

“They were the only ones I didn’t lie to when the article came out, only thing is, they think we have been a normal couple from the start, let’s keep it that way”

Cas nodded and Dean picked up his duffle bag and closed the trunk, before leading his boyfriend up to the door. He rang the doorbell once before opening the door, Cas’ heart was slamming against his ribs and he had a hard time breathing. A blond woman, very beautiful came around the corner on their left and when she saw Dean she smiled and embraced him in a hug. He hugged her tightly back and when they finally let go of each other, she turned her eyes to Cas.

“You must be Castiel, I’ve heard a lot about you” she said and smiled “I was quite surprised, but in a good way. I’m Mary by the way, Dean’s mother”. Cas reached out his hand to shake hers but she pulled him in for a hug. He was startled and when she let go he smiled shyly and looked down at the ground, he wasn’t used to families being so friendly, he hadn’t spoken to his family for a very long time. He didn’t want anything to do with them.

After standing there awkwardly for a very long time, a middle aged man with dark hair, wearing a blue plaid shirt and a pair of worn out jeans, walked down the stairs. He didn’t greet Dean the same way his mother had, he gave him a nod and a halfhearted smile and Dean mirrored the man’s motions, Cas thought that this had to be his father. The man looked at Castiel and reach out a hand and Cas grabbed it, he had a firm grip.

“I’m John Winchester, and you must be Castiel”

Cas nodded and they let go of each other’s hand.

“Nice to meet you”

Castiel coughed a little “nice to meet you too sir”

Cas frowned a little when he caught himself calling Dean’s dad sir, remembering all the times he had called Dean that, just in a different setting. Dean seemed untouched by the word coming from Cas’ mouth, he was just standing there, like a solider waiting for a command. Then Castiel found one more reason that Dean likes being in control.

“I’ll take your bags upstairs” John said and took Cas’ bag from his hands and Dean handed him his. “Sam and Jessica are in the living room.”

Dean nodded one time and looked at Cas, when his father was out of sight he took his hand and they walked together into the living room. Castiel had a feeling that Dean’s dad didn’t like him, or that he was in a relationship with his son.

When entering the living room he saw a man, with brown hair that almost touched his shoulders and a girl with blond hair, sitting on the couch, the man turned his head and smiled at Dean before standing up and Castiel’s eyes widened, he was really tall. He embraced Dean in a hug and Dean hugged him tightly back, the girl also stood up and hugged Dean right after the man. The long haired man reached out a hand to Castiel and Cas shook it.

“I’m Sam, Dean’s brother, and this is my fiancé Jessica” he said and Castiel smiled.

“Hi” Jessica said shaking Cas’ hand “you must be Castiel”.

Cas nodded and tugged on the sleeve of his shirt, he was very nervous. Dean placed a hand on his back and leaned in and whispered “don’t be nervous, its’ fine”.

     The whole house was decorated with Christmas decorations. Red, green, tiny Santa figures everywhere, reindeers, lights and a Christmas tree, also decorated with more decoration than Cas had ever seen. Mistletoe was hanging in the doorframe between the living room and the hallway and Castiel could sense the smell off gingerbread. Castiel thought that this was perfect place to be around Christmas time. It was so cozy.

“I hope it will snow this Christmas” Mary said placing the meatloaf on the table.

“It always does” John replied and put down the newspaper he had been reading for the past couple of minutes.

“But it has never been this late” she took of the apron and hanged it over a green chair standing in the corner of the room, before placing herself on the chair at the end of the table, across from John. On the left side Sam and Jessica were sitting and Dean and Cas were seated on the right side. Dean was sitting on his father’s side, across from Sam and Cas was next to his mother, across from Jessica, something that made Castiel feel like he was a woman. If they started talking about shoes, Cas would have no idea what he would say or do. Fashion was not his thing.

Mary said a little prayer before they started eating and Castiel couldn’t stop looking at Dean who was practically breathing in the meatloaf. He smiled slightly before taking a bite of his own.

“This is really good Mrs. Winchester” Cas said and Mary smiled “please, call me Mary and thank you Castiel”.

Castiel nodded and took yet another bite. He heard John sigh and the sound of a fork being placed down at a plate.

“So, Castiel, tell me, how did you meet my son?”

He could see Dean almost choking on the meatloaf and he looked at Cas with big eyes, Castiel knew he had to lie, but it wouldn’t be a complete lie, only pits and pieces.

“Uh, I was applying for an internship at the magazine where Dean is CEO and after the interview he asked me if I wanted to go eat lunch and it kind of just went from there.” Cas said nervously, that part wasn’t a lie, that actually happened.

John looked at Dean before looking back at Castiel “what made you chose to be with him? What made you stick around?”

Dean looked at Castiel, his eyes wide and he could see on Dean’s throat the he was swallowing hard, afraid that Cas would say something, but he wouldn’t. Cas looked at the others, they were all waiting in patience and Cas coughed one time.

“Well, his personality, I guess. He can be very romantic”

“Like how?” John’s voice was hard, Castiel felt like he didn’t like him very much.

“Like, he takes me out on very romantic dates, we flew with a helicopter once and he always says things that people sometimes need to hear about themselves.”

“Like?”

“John!” Mary spat from the other side “Give the boy a break” she looked at Castiel “I’m very glad you two are happy.”

“He should be happy with a girl” John mumbled and picked up his fork

“John, kitchen, now!” Mary said and stood up. John glared at her, but slowly stood up and followed Mary into the kitchen.

“What’s wrong with you?” was all you could hear from Mary before the door closed and the four of them sat awkwardly at the table. No one said anything.

“Don’t listen to him” Sam said and looked at Castiel “He’s just a jerk”.

“Don’t talk about dad like that” Dean said and slammed his fist in the table.

Sam’s eyes widened before he narrowed his eyebrows.

“How can support him after he practically said that he doesn’t like your boyfriend?” Sam asked and Dean threw his knife on the plate. “I would have been furious!”

“I am!” Dean spat.

“Then why are you still loyal to him? Why are you telling me not to call him a jerk when he is being one?”

“Because” Dean started, but stopped and looked into Sam’s eyes “you don’t know the half of it” then he stood up and left the room. Cas heard the front door shut and Sam let out a sigh before standing up and following Dean. Maybe this wasn’t the perfect place to be around Christmas times after all.

“They always do this?” Jessica said and looked at Cas.

“What?”

“Fight. Over the smallest things” she sighed and placed her napkin on the table.

Cas looked down at his plate, he felt like he was to blame for this fight, because he was a man and not a woman. The kitchen door flew open and John stormed out, disappeared out the front door, you could hear some yelling as he went out, but Cas couldn’t make out the words and then you could hear the roaring of a car engine and then there was silence. Mary stood in the doorframe, holding a kitchen cloth.

“I’m sorry about this Castiel” she said and sat down at the table “he’s just, I don’t know, don’t bother with him. If you and Dean are happy, so am I” she said and placed her hand over Cas’.

“Me too and I bet Sam is as well” Jessica said “one man’s opinion shouldn’t affect your relationship”

“But it’s his father’s opinion” Cas said low and Mary squeezed his hand.

“He will come around, just wait”. She gave him a smile and Cas smiled weakly back.

_Hopefully._

     Dean had his arm around Castiel as they were sitting on the couch, Sam and Jessica was sitting in the other and Mary was seated on a chair. John had still not come back and Mary said he as probably out drinking and he would probably not be back before tomorrow.

Cas had asked Dean what Sam didn’t know the half of, but of course, he wouldn’t give him an answer, just like it had always been. Cas didn’t want to ask any further, it was obviously very personal, but Castiel hoped Dean would tell him eventually.

“We should watch a Christmas movie” Jessica proposed and Mary agreed, looking at Dean and Cas. Dean nodded and Cas just smiled.

“Then Christmas movie it is. Which one?” Mary asked while walking over to one of the shelf’s.

Sam looked at Jessica, so did Cas and Dean, she looked at all three of them “why me?”

“Your idea” Sam said and kissed her head and she giggled.

“Fine, uh, what about The Grinch?”

Sam laughed and they all just agreed, none of them really knowing any other Christmas movies.

Dean was holding tightly around Cas and kissing his head or cheek a couple of times during the movie and at one point he asked what he wanted to Christmas. Cas said he didn’t want anything, because he already had everything he could wish for and then everyone in the living room looked at them and said “Aww”, making both of them blush, but everyone lost interest in the movie and started talking about what they wanted for Christmas.

     Later Dean and Castiel was lying in bed, Dean had his arm around Castiel and Cas was resting his head on Dean’s chest. The used his finger to trail Dean’s muscles and he could feel Dean sigh and then he kissed his forehead.

“What did I do to get this lucky?” Dean asked and placed his other arm around Castiel, holding him like he was afraid of losing him.

“You made me sign a contract”

Dean started laughing and Cas couldn’t help but smile. He loved Dean’s laughter, it was perfect, like everything else about Dean.

“I love you” Cas said hoping for a different response.

“I care about you Cas”

Cas sighed and closed his eyes, slowly drifting asleep to the sound of Dean’s calm breath and the motion of his chest.

     Morning the next day, John was still not home and Mary was cleaning off the table after breakfast, Jessica and Cas had offered to help, but she said that she could handle it. Sam and Dean were outside, standing by the car, talking. Cas and Jessica was currently just sitting on the couch, talking about Sam and Jessica’s wedding.

“We haven’t set the date yet, we wanted to wait until Sam is finished with law school” she said and looked at her ring, Cas wasn’t sure how to respond to anything so he nodded most of the time, throwing in some oh and ah’s here and there and some yes and no’s.

“You and Dean? Have you talked about it? I know it’s soon, but I think you guys are meant to be”

Cas looked out the window and let his eyes fall on Dean, who was leaning against his car.

“No” he looked back at Jessica “we haven’t”.

Jessica took a deep breath and then Mary came into the living room, smiling at them both.

“Do any of you have any plans today?” she asked and both of them shook their heads. “Why don’t we take a trip into town, all five of us”

Castiel looked at Jessica “why not” she said and Mary leaned back in her chair, smiling, “We’ll ask the boys when they get back inside” Mary said and Cas smiled. It was calm and nice again now, not like dinner yesterday.

     Later that day they were all walking down a busy street, looking into practically every window. John had come home earlier and he had decided to join them after apologizing to Dean and Castiel, mostly because Mary forced him to. As they were walking Castiel saw that little bookstore that him and Dean had been in a while ago and he let go of Dean’s hand and headed towards the store.

“Cas!” he heard Dean yell, but Castiel wouldn’t turn around.

He pushed open the door and saw the old man behind the desk. He walked over to him and placed both his hands on the desk.

“Oh, it’s you. How are things going?” the old man asked and smiled at Castiel, his eyes scanning for Dean.

“Actually, it’s going very well. You see, Dean, my boyfriend, and I are here to visit his family and it’s going great”

The old man tilted his head and gave Cas a confused look “what are you trying to tell me?”

Castiel leaned down “I’m trying to tell you that you were wrong. Dean is not abusive, not even close” Cas thought about it, that was sort of a lie “and I’m sorry about your daughter, but you can just assume that everyone is like that!”

He heard the little bell on the door make a noise and he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned his head and looked at Dean.

“I’m sorry” Dean said to the old man “C’mon Cas, let’s not bother him anymore”.

“I was just telling him how amazing you are” Cas stated and glared at the old man.

Dean laughed “That’s nice and all, but let’s go, the others are waiting”.

Cas shot one last glare at the man before turning around and walking out with Dean, holding his hand, making sure the man saw.

“What was that all about?” Dean asked and Cas shrugged.

“I don’t know. I just felt like telling him that you’re not anything like he said you were”

Dean smiled and kissed Cas’ cheek.

     Dean was a sleep next to Cas and Castiel was sitting on the bed, looking out the window. It was sowing. It had started snowing while they were in town and Cas could never forget the expression of pure joy on Dean’s face when he saw the first snow flake. Just like a little child. Dean had wrapped his arms around Castiel and kissed him and the snowflakes were falling around them, like tiny angels thrown out of heaven and now they had turned into something more beautiful. Cas had always believed that snowflakes were angels thrown of heaven and since they were so pure they turned into a white and shiny snowflake, making the earth look pure and beautiful, just like them. While looking into Dean’s eyes Cas had again said “I love you” and when Dean had opened his mouth and only said “I” before a long pause, Cas thought he was going to say those three words, but again he said “care about you a lot” under his breath, disappointing Castiel once again and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could take it.

They had spent all day in that town, and Dean had bought Castiel this little angel ornament, just because it was wearing a trench coat, and Dean said it reminded him of Cas. Even though Dean’s apartment looked nothing like it was Christmas, Dean had promised Cas they would by a Christmas tree and they would decorate it, so Castiel could place the little trench coat wearing angel on it. Dean could be really sweet sometimes, the only thing Cas wanted now for everything to be perfect, was for Dean to say that he loved him too. That was what he wanted to Christmas, three words, nothing more. If he could get that, he would never ask for anything ever again.

     Dean was throwing his bag into the trunk and Castiel was hugging Mary. The weekend was over and it was time to go home. Sam and Jessica left when they got home yesterday because they had to be back by Monday, and it was a long drive. Dean walked over to them and Mary let go of Cas, giving Dean a hug.

“Don’t let it be too long until I see you again” she let go of him “both of you”

“It won’t” Dean said and smiled at her, placing one hand on Cas’ back as his father walked out into the front yard. He stopped and reached out a hand and Dean shook it, but to Dean’s surprise, John pulled him in for a hug, and patted his back once, before holding Dean’s at an arm’s length and smiling at him.

“Take care son”

Dean nodded and then John reached out and shook Cas’ hand.

“Take care of my son”   

“I will sir” Cas said, again flinching at the word sir, this time Dean noticed and laughed, before grabbing his boyfriends hand, getting into the car, waving at his parents and driving off.

     Back in Dean’s apartment, almost 48 hours later, Cas were both sitting on the couch, Dean was tiredly putting on his suit, he had to make a quick drop by at work. It was around noon and Castiel had decided to not come with him now, but go down there and surprise him, it was Tuesday after all. Dean kissed Cas goodbye and disappeared out the front door. Castiel jumped off the couch and went into their closet. He put on what he wore when they first met, a black suit, white shirt, blue tie and of course, his trench coat. He looked at himself in the mirror before walking out of the apartment.

     “Good morning Cas” Ellen said as he passed the front desk.

“Morning” he replied as we waved at her and walked into the already open elevator.

On the fifth floor he bumped into Garth and they exchanged a smile before Cas walked over to Dean’s office and opened the door, his mouth dropped to the floor when he saw Anna sitting on one of the chairs. He slowly closed the door and walked further into the room.  

“You told her?” Dean asked, visible angry.

“W-what?” Cas eyes moved between the two of them, Anna looked ashamed and Dean looked very, very angry.

“You told her about the contract! I can’t believe you did that Castiel!” Dean stood up from his chair and walked away from his desk “you made one promise, one!” he lifted a finger, looking angrily at Castiel “and you broke it!”

“Dean I…”

“I don’t care for your apology!” Dean turned around “Leave, both this office and my apartment. We are over Castiel”

“Dean please…” Castiel begged “Let me explain”

“No! I never thought you would tell anyone, I was never nervous about it like I have been with others. You broke my trust Castiel. You know how important it was for me that you kept it a secret”.

Castiel could feel himself tearing up and he could feel his heart break “I love you” he whispered.

“Oh, you keep saying that, as if you’re trying to make me say it too” he turned around “but Cas, I would probably never have said it and right now, I’m glad I didn’t. I almost did, back in Kansas, when it started to snow, but I didn’t want to say something to you that I wasn’t completely ready to say, I didn’t want to lie to you Castiel”

Castiel felt tears streaming down his face and in the corner of his eye he could see Anna slowly moving over to him, but Cas pushed her away. “Where am I supposed to go? Where am I supposed to live?”

“You can move back in with me” Anna said and Castiel looked at her, angrily “Really? You really think I want to live with you?”

Anna took a step back “No”

“You’re right” Cas spat and looked back at Dean “Please…”

“No, Castiel, leave. I don’t ever want to see you again”

Castiel sighed and looked down, before turning around and walking out, “same goes for you Anna” he heard and then the door shut.

He felt Anna’s hand on his back, but he shrugged her off.

“You told him! I can’t believe you told him” Cas yelled and Anna jumped.

“I had to, I-“

“Had to?” Cas cut her off “You didn’t have to.”

“I didn’t know you loved him. I thought you stayed with him because of that contract. You could have told me!” she yelled and Castiel took a step back.

“You could have asked” he said, cold, “The contract was annulled months ago, we were happy. Look what you did” his voice still cold, it almost sent shivers down his own spine.

“Cas…”

“Goodbye Anna!” he said and turned around, walking away, feeling the whole world crash around him. He had lost _everything_.

     A few weeks later, Castiel had finally gotten a small apartment in down town LA. It wasn’t much, but it kept a roof over his head. He had been homeless before that and he had been sleeping on a bus standing under a bridge, getting his food from shelters and he even made a few friends. He had been thinking about Dean this whole time and he wondered if he had gone back to using the contract and if he had found someone new already. Maybe he had, maybe Cas never meant that much to him.

     Castiel was sitting on the madras in his bedroom, the only furniture he owned and he was eating Chinese take away. He had to save up some money and buy a few furniture’s, like a table and a couch. He wasn’t poor, he still had his job at the diner, but it was barely enough. The rent was extreme, one reason he had lived with Anna in the first place.

He had his computer, but he didn’t have any internet, so every day he would go to this internet café and check his mail, to see if he had any from Dean, he never did and his heart broke a little more each time. He should have never told Anna, he had screwed up big time, but if he didn’t, she would have gone to the police and he would have been forced to tell them, and even though BDSM isn’t illegal, in a way that would put Dean in jail, Cas still didn’t want to tell them.

He placed the empty noodle box on the floor and laid down on the madras, looking up at the ceiling. The cold December air sneaked through the window and made him shiver. He didn’t have a blanket, so he used his trench coat to cover his body. He rolled over on his side and pulled his knees up to his chest and he felt a few tears roll down his cheek. He really missed Dean.


	12. Chapter 12

     Cas walked over a few empty beer bottles on his way to the bathroom, he had stepped on one once and it had gone very wrong. He ended up with stiches, and he had learned from his mistakes, he couldn’t afford stepping on another bottle. He could barely afford living in his small apartment now that he had gotten fired from work and the only money he had was some he had been smart enough to save while having a job, but those were cutting short and he was guessing next month was the last month he could pay rent, then he would have to lie and ask to pay double next month, but for how long could he do that. He would end up on the street in not too long, he guessed and from there, it could just go one way.

He looked at himself in the mirror, he had a beard, not strange since he didn’t care about shaving, he never left the apartment anyway, he had big grey bags under his eyes, and his breath was horrible. It was a strong sent of alcohol and everything he had eaten the last week. He dropped his toothbrush in the toilet and he couldn’t afford a new one, but he wasn’t going to see or talk to anyone, so it didn’t matter if his breath was horrible. His skin was pale, after not seeing sunlight in way too long. Cas had lost track of how long he had been locked up in here. He walked out from the bathroom and peeked out the curtain. It was sunny, the trees were green, he guessed it was somewhere around June, that would make it six  months. After he bought this place, after Dean broke up with him, he hadn’t left. Anna had tried to contact him, but after one week he shut his phone off. Then she tried to visit, but Cas wouldn’t let her in, so eventually she gave up and Cas was happy she did. That was in February, so Castiel hadn’t had any human contact in five months, he didn’t need to. In April he started drinking, and eventually, he started smoking, first it was just normal cigarettes, but then he moved on to a bit stronger things. At the end of April he was addicted. Now he was a mess. Skinny, tired and poisoned. He checked his bag. He still had enough to last the month, so he would have to ask his neighbor, an old man named Crowley, to go to the store for him. He always did, he came to Cas’ door to pick up his grocery list, which mostly was just beer and cigarettes, sometimes a note on where to meet the dealer and he would come back with what Cas needed. Castiel thought of him as an angel, but really, he was a demon, he was the one getting Cas hooked on hash.

One day when Cas had been very down, Crowley came to pick up the grocery list, he had seen Cas’ red and puffed eyes and he had handed him a joint, saying “this will make you feel better”, and he was right, it made Cas feel better, much better.

Sometimes Crowley would join him, but only if Castiel wanted to, but Crowley’s way of saying he wanted to join Cas was so funny to Cas that he always let him in. “Let’s go howl at the moon”. They always howled at the moon and the neighbors would yell at them and they would laugh for hours. Crowley made Cas forget about Dean, and he liked that, not remembering Dean. Dean was the reason Cas was like he was. He hated Dean, not really, but he wanted to. Dean had ruined him.

Castiel would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel attracted to Crowley and he would also lie if he had said that nothing had ever happened between them, even though Crowley was much older than himself. Castiel didn’t care, Dean had thought him not to care, that it wasn’t making love, it was sex, it was fucking, nothing more and Crowley, let Cas be dominant for a change, letting Cas have control. They didn’t have s contract, they just did, naturally, many times, in the kitchen, the bathroom, the living room, the bedroom and sometimes, the balcony even though it wasn’t big.

Castiel laid down on his madras and pulled his trench coat over his body, it worked more as a blanket now that Cas was so skinny, he had dropped at least three sizes and his clothes didn’t fit him anymore, but he still wore them. He didn’t have money to buy new ones. He closed his eyes and thought about Dean. All the happy moments, the dates, the helicopter, the first time they slept together, how badly it had hurt, but how much Cas had loved it. He thought about Kansas and The Grinch, snow and that little trench coat wearing angel. He opened his eyes and sat up. He opened his bag and pulled it out. He held it in his hands, looking at it, stroking in with one finger. He loved Dean so much.

     There was a knock on the door, Castiel stood up and opened, and there he was Crowley, with a white plastic bag.

“It’s not shopping day today?” Cas said and opened the door more to let Crowley inside.

“I know, and this isn’t beer or cigarettes. Well it is that, but I also bought shampoo and toilet paper, some bread and a few bananas.” He said and handed the bag to Castiel.

“T-thank you. How much do I owe you?”

“Ah, nothing darling” Crowley smiled and put his hands in his pockets “A woman called me, very sweet, she asked if I knew how you were doing”

“Anna..” Cas said under his breath and Crowley nodded “That was her name, yes”

“What did she want?”

“Nothing, she just wondered how you were doing, I said you were a mess” Crowley blinked “A hot mess that is”

“What?” Cas exclaimed and dropped the bag.

Crowley laughed “Relax, I didn’t say you were a hot mess, just a mess.”

Cas took a deep breath and exhaled “anything else?”

“No, I mean, she might be on her way and I might just stand here to occupy you as she walks up the stairs”

Castiel’s eyes widened and then the door opened slowly, revealing a very nervous and a little frightened Anna, but she looked horrified when she saw the apartment, Castiel knew how it looked.

Bottles everywhere, dust, some dirty, used glasses and plates, someone with food still on them, not as much food as it used to be, papers, half smoked cigarettes, joints and something that looked like a dead animal, but Castiel wasn’t completely sure what it was. He looked at Anna who was eyeing the place. She closed the door and mouthed “Thank you” to Crowley, who nodded and then left the apartment. Anna walked over to Castiel who picked up the little white plastic bag and walked out to the kitchen, ignoring Anna as if she was air.

“Cas, I’m sorry” she said, but Cas didn’t reply. He opened the fridge and placed the beers inside before closing it.

“Castiel, please. You can’t live like this. Come live with me” he ignored her, placing the bred and the bananas on the kitchen counter. Anna sighed. She walked over to him careful not to step on anything, something might jump up and bite her.

“I’m sorry I told him, okay, but I only thought I was doing what was best. I was being stupid, but for the right reasons” she said, almost begging.

Castiel threw the bag on the floor and opened the pack of cigarettes, lightning it up and blowing the smoke in Anna’s direction saying “you like the smell”

“Are you smoking now?” Anna asked, concerned.

“Yes” Cas replied cold and hard.

“Only cigarettes right? These joints all over the floor, they aren’t yours?”

“What if they are?”

“Castiel! Please…” she begged and took a few steps closer.

“Please what? Forgive you? Move in with you? Be your friend again? No, you ruined everything Anna. You took him away from me. You messed up my life!” Castiel started crying at the end of his sentence and his voice cracked. He leaned his back to the wall behind him and slid down, pulling his knees up to his chest, leaning his head against them, holding onto them for dear life.

“I’m sorry Cas” She said and bent down to level him.

“Stop saying that, you don’t mean it” he cried.

“I do! Please, Cas, look at me” She placed one hand on Cas’ knee, but he stood up and walked away from her.

“Leave” he said, his voice so cold it was practically dead.

“Cas…”

“No” he cut her off “Leave, now. I don’t ever want to see you again” those words cut like a knife in Cas’ heart, but there was no other way of saying this.

He heard Anna sigh and he could feel her walk pass him, “I’m sorry Cas” She said before the door opened and was shut shortly after. Cas fell to his knees and cried his heart out, in the middle of his kitchen, and then he fell asleep.

     He woke up many hours later, with a horrible pain in his back, last time I sleep on the floor, he thought to himself and he struggled to get up, but when he eventually did, he walked into his bedroom and laid down on the madras, “much better” he said and closed his eyes. _If I never wake up, I will be happy,_ he thought and right before he fell asleep again, there was a knock on the door. He growled and pushed himself up. When walking towards the door he tiredly rubbed his eyes and yawned before opening it. _It’s probably Crowley, which day is it?_ He thought, but his heart dropped when he saw a beautiful hazel green eyes man, wearing a black suit, standing on the other side of the door.

“Cas? Are you okay?” Dean asked and looked over Cas’ shoulder, into his apartment “Oh God, Cas?!”

“What?” Cas snarled “Why are you here?”

Dean sighed “Anna called me?”

Anna? Called Dean? Why? Cas just looked at him, not saying anything, he had nothing to say to him anyway.

“She told me that she forced you to tell her, that she threatened by taking you down to the police station after seeing the marks on your neck. I’m sorry, I should have listened, I should have let you explain” his voice cracked at the explain and he took a deep breath “Come back to me please”

“No”

“Cas, you can’t live like this” he pushed the door opened and walked into the apartment “She didn’t lie” he looked down at the floor “Drugs? Alcohol? Really? Cas, please, I’m begging you, let me take care of you”

Cas felt himself tearing up. He had imagined this happening so many times, but he never thought it would actually happen. He shook his head and pointed at the open door “Please, leave”

“No, I won’t, not without you” Dean walked closer “Anna told me you got fired, months ago and that you haven’t left this apartment since December”

“How did she know?”

“She said she had been talking to your neighbor, Crowley, he told her everything”. Dean took Cas left hand and stroke his thumb over it and Cas looked away, down at the floor.

“L-leave”

“No” Dean used his other hand to cup Cas’ cheek and leaned in. When their lips met Castiel felt his heart stop beating and he was sure he had died, probably from the drugs, but when it started beating again, he kissed back and melted into the kiss, placing his hands on Dean’s waist. Dean then pulled away and gave Cas a smile, “I need to buy you a tooth brush”.

Cas looked down, but Dean lifted his head again “Come?”

Cas swallowed hard and looked into Dean’s eyes, “Okay” he whispered and Dean pulled him in for a hug.

“I love you” Cas said into his shoulder and Dean sighed.

“I care about you, a lot Cas”

Castiel burrowed his head into Dean’s shoulder saying “I know”.

     Castiel didn’t have much to pack, seeing he didn’t own anything in that apartment except for his bag, trench coat, a six back of beer, a bread and three bananas. Dean helped him clean up the place and when they left, Cas remembered how nice the apartment actually was and he got sad thinking how great he could have had it here if he hadn’t hit rock bottom and lived like he did. He was happy he was back with Dean, but he was afraid how this part of his life would affect his next part.

Castiel was sitting on the couch, after taking a shower, shaving and brushing his teeth. He was picking on his nails and he was visible nervous. Dean gave him a glass of water and sat down next to him, placing one arm around him and pulled him close.

“You were really a mess”

Cas leaned his head against his shoulder and nodded.

“I would be lying if I said I weren’t too, but not as bad as you”

Cas looked up at Dean and frowned. Had Dean been a mess over _him_?

“I missed you so much and I couldn’t concentrate on work. I almost moved back to Kansas because I couldn’t take it anymore” he laughed a little “and I was so angry at everyone, I beat up a man just because he looked at me strange. You could say I let my inner demons win”

Cas placed his left arm around Dean’s waist and closed his eyes. He missed this, sitting on the couch with Dean, just talking.

“I thought about contacting you” he said, stroking Cas’ arm “but I thought that you hated me”

“I did” Cas said “or I wanted to, but I couldn’t”

Dean kissed the top of his head “you taste like soap”

“Well I just showered”

Dean laughed and Castiel smiled, he had missed Dean’s laughter. They sat on the couch for many hours, cuddling, talking, but it eventually lead to them kissing, which lead them into the bedroom, Cas on top. It was hot, passionate and overall amazing. Castiel had missed this as well, it wasn’t the same with Crowley, it was special with Dean. Really special.

     Cas and Anna was sitting on a café. Anna has asked Cas if he wanted to join her and even though Castiel didn’t want to, Dean had said it would be a good idea and that it was time to forgive Anna. They were back together after all. He hadn’t said anything since they arrived, even though Anna had tried to start a conversation.

“Cas, I’m really trying here” she said and Castiel looked at her “please, forgive me? I made a mistake and I’m sorry”

“I have forgiven you” he looked down at his coffee “but that doesn’t mean I’m your friend”.

“What?” Anna sounded surprised and sad.

“I can never really trust you with any of my secrets anymore, can I? So, I’m guessing you’re no longer my bestfriend”

“Cas”

“Anna, no, we’re just two people who know each other, nothing more” He stood up and looked down at Anna “Don’t call or text me”

Anna looked at Cas as he left the café and headed down the street. She watched as he took a left where he should take a right, so she decided to follow.

Castiel walked down the street and headed into a dark ally, both hands in his pocket, and he stopped with a man, handing him some money and quickly grabbing a bag from his hands and the man disappeared. Cas looked around before pulling out a joint and taking a few drags before stumping it and putting in back in the little bag. Anna gasped and Cas turned his head.

“Who’s there?” he asked, but when he didn’t get a reply, he put the bag in his pocket and walked out of the ally, walking right pass Anna, and back to Dean’s apartment. _Just this once and then I’m done_ , he thought, even though he knew that was a lie.

     The apartment door opened and Cas saw Dean walk inside, he closed the book and placed it on the coffee table.

“How was your day?” Dean asked and Cas shrugged “it was okay”

Dean plumped down beside him and took a deep breath before kissing Cas, but when he did, he frowned.

“Cas?”

Castiel looked at him, his mouth a think line and then Dean noticed his pupils.

“Don’t do that!”

“Do what?”

“Smoke that stuff” Dean said “where is it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Cas said and leaned back in the couch, he _knew_ what he was talking about.

“I can taste it when I kiss you, and don’t get me started on your pupils, they’re bigger than your eye. Tell me, where is it?”

Cas sighed “In the pocket on my trench coat”

Dean pushed himself off the couch and walked over to his trench coat, hanging by the door, he pulled out the bag and shot Cas one angry look before heading into the bathroom.

“Hey! What are you doing?” Cas yelled and ran after Dean, and he got in there just in time to see Dean flush down everything in the little plastic bag.

“You idiot” Cas yelled and snapped the bag from Dean’s hands “I need it”

“Why?”

“Because you won’t love me” Cas cried and Dean’s eyes widened.

“Cas I…”

“Please, spare me” he snapped and walked out from the bathroom, Dean followed right behind.

They had a big fight that night and Dean ended up sleeping on the couch, because he wanted Cas to sleep comfortable.

     A few weeks had passed and Dean has still not said those three words, and it was driving Cas inside. If he only said it by accident while they were having sex it would be enough for Cas, but he never did and Castiel wasn’t sure how much longer he could take that. He needed to hear it, he needed to be with someone who could love him back. No matter how much he loved Dean, it wasn’t enough for one in the relationship to love the other, it was a two way street and they had to meet in the middle. They were going out tonight, to celebrate something that had to do with Dean’s job, but Cas had forgotten what and Cas hoped he would say it tonight, if not, Cas was almost certain he would leave.

“Ready?” Dean asked while fixing his bowtie, he was wearing a black tuxedo, that shimmered a little with a blue, silk, handkerchief in his left chest pocket to match Cas’ eyes and Cas had a green one. It had been Dean’s idea, something that only made Cas hope, even more, that he would say it tonight.

“Yeah, just…” he stumbled over his own feet while pulling on his shoes “now, I’m ready, and a little hurt”

Dean laughed and kissed Cas’ forehead, “better?”

Cas smiled “much better”.

     When they got home Dean placed the diploma he had gotten, for some reason Cas didn’t really remember, he was too busy thinking about other things, and Cas hanged his blazer on the back of a chair, before turning towards Dean and smiling. He still hadn’t said it.

“So, anything you want to say?”

Dean looked questioning at Cas while loosening his bowtie “uh, thanks for coming with me?”

Cas sighed.

“No? Then what?” Dean asked opening the top button on his shirt, revealing some of his chest.

“Forget it” Cas said and unbuckled his belt while walking into the closet.

“No, tell me” Dean followed him and stopped at the door frame.

“Why won’t you say it?”

“Say what?”

Cas sighed and threw his hands down on his sides “That you love me”.

Dean swallowed and looked down at the floor.

“Don’t you love me?”

“Cas…” Dean started and walked towards Castiel.

“Don’t _Cas_ me, tell me, do you love me?”

Dean didn’t answer and Cas could feel his heart fall heavily in his chest “you don’t…” he whispered and he walked pass Dean and put his shoes back on along with his blazer.

“Say it now, or I will leave” He pointed at the door, tears filling his eyes so he could barely see anything.

“I can’t, Cas…”

The door slammed shut.

     Cas could hear Anna’s phone ring, it had been for the last couple of weeks, months. Last time Cas saw Dean it was July, now it was October. He had moved back in with Anna, mostly because he had no other place to go, and it was just temporary until he could get a job and his own place, but for now, it would have to do. Anna walked over to Cas and sat down next to him.

“Cas, you’re being immature, just because he won’t say it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you”

“Please” Cas said and rolled his eyes.

“He has been calling every day, he’s broken. He misses you” she sighed and pulled her legs up on the couch “Go down to his office tomorrow”

“Why?”

“Because I say so!”

Cas rolled his eyes “Castiel I will drag you down there myself, it’s important. He needs to see you, plus it’s October 11th”

“What’s so special about October 11th?” Cas asked and raised one eyebrow.

“It’s the day he asked you to be his boyfriend. It’s a special day, at least go talk to him, hear him out, please”

Cas sighed and rolled his eyes, “Fine! I will, when?”

“Noon” she said seductively and grinned and Cas had to let out a little laugh.

     Cas was lying in his bed, thinking about what would happen tomorrow. Maybe Dean wanted to see him to tell him that he loved him, or maybe not. Dean was never going to say it, why would he all of a sudden change his mind? Why would he just like that decide to tell him, after such a long time apart? Were they even still together? No? Or? Cas wasn’t sure, neither of them had ever said that it was over, Cas had just left and he had thought about going back, he was just too stubborn. Maybe, they were just on a break, a somewhat permanent break. Isn’t that breaking up? Cas thought and shook his head, no, they were just on a break.  He also thought that Dean wasn’t going to say that he loved him, he was just going to apologize for not being able to say it and beg Cas to come back and of course Cas would give in and then the same would happen all over again after a little while. Maybe Cas shouldn’t go back, maybe he should just forget all about Dean. He picked up his computer and saw that he had one mail, from Dean.

___________________________________________________________________________

 **From:** Dean Winchester

 **Topic:** Tomorrow

 **Date:** October 10 th 11:46pm

 **To:** Castel Novak

     Wear what you wore the first day we met.

Dean Winchester   
CEO   
M! magazine Inc.

___________________________________________________________________________

“Wear what I-“ Cas said to himself as he closed the computer. He placed it on the floor and got up from his bed. He walked over to his closet to see if Anna had remembered it when she picked up some of his clothes, he needed something to wear while being away from Dean, and she had, his first black suit, first shirt, first blue tie and his first trench coat. He used his hand to stroke the trench coat before closing the door and sitting back don on his bed. Something big was going down tomorrow and Cas could feel his stomach twist.

     Ellen smiled at him as he walked pass the front desk, like always and he walked over to the elevator, which read **_“out of order”_**. Cas sighed and walked over to the door that read **_“stairs”_**. After walking up the stairs for what seemed ages, he finally reached the top and pushed open the door. His breath was heavy and Cas said to himself “I need to start working out”. The trench coat and suit were heavy on his body and he felt like he was sweating, he probably was. He took a moment to catch his breath before walking over to Dean’s office.

**DEAN WINCHESTER CEO.**

He opened the door and Dean spun his chair around, hanging up his phone, stood up and walked around his desk. He fixed his blazer and Cas saw it was the same suit he wore when they first met, it had that little shimmer on the pockets, which he noticed during lunch and that one button that was blue, while the other were black, because Dean had lost it before a meeting and didn’t have time to fix it so he used a button he had in his drawer, and he was wearing that red tide he wore that day, Dean only had one red tie, Cas knew that, he had checked. Castiel looked around the room, walking slowly, trying not to trip. Dean reached out a hand and Castiel looked at it with narrowed eyebrows before shaking it.

“Castiel Novak right?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded in confusion.

“Good, please, sit” he gestured to the chair and Cas sat down, still very confused.

“So, I know I asked you to come down here at very short notice, but this is really important” Dean said, firmly as if this was a job meeting, maybe it was, maybe Dean was going to offer Castiel a job. After all, he knew that he didn’t have one and he needed one, desperately.

Castiel looked at Dean, waiting for him to say something, he was just standing there, leaning against his desk. Castiel had never in his life been more confused. He tugged at the end of his sleeve and coughed a little, very visible nervous and he could see Dean smile, that crocked smile he had when they first met. Castiel found all this very odd and he was tempted to just leave, because Dean somewhat freaked him out. He was just looking at him and it felt like hours, even though it had just been seconds. Castiel’s eyes moved around the room. He swallowed hard, he blinked a few times and then he looked at Dean, who was till silent.

“What?” Cas asked and Dean shook his head, smiling and then he pushed away from the desk. He slowly walked over to Cas and turned his chair slightly, while Cas was still sitting on it. Again, he just looked at him and Castiel felt very uncomfortable. 

Even though all this had happened in the matter of seconds, Castiel felt like he had been sitting in that chair for an hour. It was nerve wreaking and he didn’t understand what Dean was doing. He wasn’t saying anything, if he wanted Cas to come down here to talk, he should start talking soon. Castiel was about to say something, but when he opened his mouth, Dean bowed down and kissed him, quickly, before straightening back up. _Okay, I won’t talk,_ Cas thought and he looked to his side. When he looked back at Dean his world stopped, his heart skipped a beat and he felt his stomach flip as Dean got down on one knee, pulled out a small black box from his pocket and said,

“Castiel Novak, I love you…”


	13. Epilogue

     Castiel was looking at his reflection in the mirror and he couldn’t help but flash a smile. He fixed the collar on his shirt a little and straightened the white blazer, making sure there were no visible wrinkles. He gently brushed his hand through his hair and let out a deep breath. Today was the day. It had been two years since Dean had proposed and Cas could still remember it as if it happened yesterday.

     Even though all this had happened in the matter of seconds, Castiel felt like he had been sitting in that chair for an hour. It was nerve wreaking and he didn’t understand what Dean was doing. He wasn’t saying anything, if he wanted Cas to come down here to talk, he should start talking soon. Castiel was about to say something, but when he opened his mouth, Dean bowed down and kissed him, quickly, before straightening back up. _Okay, I won’t talk,_  Cas thought and he looked to his side. When he looked back at Dean his world stopped, his heart skipped a beat and he felt his stomach flip as Dean got down on one knee, pulled out a small black box from his pocket and said,

“Castiel Novak, I love you, I have realized that and I want to spend the rest of my life telling you exactly how much I love you, if, you would do me the honor and take my last name, and become my Castiel for the rest of our lives”.

Castiel covered his mouth with both hands and he gazed at the silver ring, placed in the little black box, surrounded by red silk. His eyes slowly moved back up to meet Dean’s, he let his hands  fall down and rested them on his lap, his mouth slightly open, as if he was trying to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out. Castiel felt a single tear roll down his cheek as he managed to nod quickly and Dean smiled, putting the ring on Castiel’s finger, and the lifting him up, wrapping his arms around him, embracing him in a long and needed hug, Castiel’s legs were barely touching the ground.

“Thank you” Dean whispered and kissed Cas’ cheek.

“No thank you”

Dean hugged him tighter as he said “I love you” and Cas could hear himself gasp before he replied “I love you to”.

_Finally._

     After that, the wedding planning was starting, they quickly decided to have the wedding two years later, on their anniversary date, October 11th, to make it even more special. That was going to be before Sam and Jessica’s wedding and they had asked if that was okay, to which they both had happily replied with “yes of course”, they had never thought Dean would ever find love again after Lisa, so they weren’t going to hold him back.

They decided colors and decoration, and went for beige, white, light blue and light green, mostly to match their eyes, something Castiel thought was very romantic. As for decoration they decided not to have to many, just a few flowers and some candles, so it would look nice. Neither of them cared much about all that stuff, they just wanted to get married. They ate at least fifty different cake samples, before they found one they both liked, lemon and Vanilla. Cas found it funny because lemon was such a sour flavor and vanilla sweet, a really defined contrast, just like how it was when they first met. They also had to go tuxedo shopping, but not together, they weren’t allowed. Jessica and Anna took Cas out to buy a white tuxedo, he was going to be the one walking down the aisle, not real one, but one they was going to make on the beach, they both wanted to get married on the beach. Dean was going with Sam and Michael.

Cas had grown on Michael the past couple of months, Anna had given him one last chance and so far, he had earned up to that last chance. Crowley was out of Cas’ life and Castiel had now been five months clean, after Dean caught him smoking again after three months into their engagement. Dean had checked him into a rehabilitation center and it had done Castiel good. Since he came out, he hadn’t been doing any drugs. Dean was proud of his fiancé.

They had also decided where to go for their honeymoon, Rome and Paris. Dean laughed when Cas mentioned those places, saying “how cliché” but agreed to it because Castiel wanted to go and he only wanted Cas to be happy.

Also grooms men, sort of bride’s mates. Dean had chosen Sam and Castiel had of course chosen Anna. When that was set they had to decide who would actually be marrying them. They thought about it for a while, if they would hire someone or use one of their friends or family. Castiel’s father was a priest, but Castiel thought there was no way he would want to marry them. Being with a man wasn’t exactly the Christian way and they hadn’t been on good terms when Cas left. That was until Cas’ father called and actually asked if they were invited to the wedding, and that gave Cas the courage to ask. It was his father who was marrying them.

All the planning took about one and a half year, and then they had six months to just relax, or somewhat relax. Dean was stressing over his vows and Castiel was stressing over Dean stressing. Those six months were the months they fought the most and the almost called of the wedding, three times, but they made it through.

     And now Castiel was standing in a little beach tent, looking into a mirror they had placed there just for the occasion. He turned his body slightly too look at the whole tuxedo before he took a deep breath. It was almost time. He fixed his bow tie and just then Anna’s head peaked inside the tent.

“Read?”

Cas inhaled and held his breath for a while before exhaling and nodding. It was time. He linked his arm with his mother, they found it appropriate for his mother to walk him down the aisle, because the father walks the daughter, and Cas’ father was the priest of the night. They rounded the corner on the tent, the music started playing and everyone stood up, eyes glued on Cas. He took a firmer grip on his mother’s arm, but relaxed once his eyes fell on Dean. He was standing there, in his black tuxedo, smiling at him, and his smile had never seemed brighter. Castiel couldn’t help but smile back. When they were all the way up, after what seemed forever, Dean walked down, kissed Cas’ mother’s hand and took Cas’ leading him up to the podium.

“You look great” he whispered and Cas could feel his face grow hot.

Cas’ father signed for everyone to sit and they did, including Dean and Cas. They were looking at each other the whole time, both smiling, showing their teeth.

“We are gathered here today” Cas’ father started  “to watch there two men make a promise to each other of the rest of their life and I think I speak for all of us here when I say that this is one of the greatest moments that has happened in 2017.” He looked at the booth of them. “I understand you both have written your own vows. Dean, you can go first”

They booth stood up and Dean took Cas’ hands and looked him into his eyes.

“Castiel, I don’t know where to start. There are so many things I want to say, but I know I won’t have to say them all now, because I will have a lifetime to tell you. I never thought I would be standing up here, ever, and I believe many here thinks so too, right Sammy?”

You could hear a little laughter from Sam before Dean continued.

“but you changed me Castiel. When we first met, I didn’t think about marrying you, it never  occurred to me, but now, I can’t imagine anything else. I know how much you wanted me to tell you that I love you and I know I said it way to late, but now I will never stop saying it, because I love you, with all my heart. You waited a long time for me to say it, and I’m so glad I finally did. When you walked into my office, I never thought I would, but here I stand, marrying the man I love. There are so many reasons why I love you, but the main reason is because you are my better half. I believe we were meant to be. Do you remember what you said a few months ago?”

Castiel shook his head, struggling to keep his tears in.

“I do. You said what if I never applied to that internship? What if I didn’t got picked for an interview? Then we would never have met. And I didn’t answer, because I didn’t want to give away my punch line. I believe we would have met, maybe on the street or a party, or trough mutual friends, because we are meant to be, and people who are meant to be have to meet each other eventually. Castiel, I love you, dearly, and I will never let you go. I’d be damned if I did. You are the best to have ever happened to me. Thank you for being in my life.”

A single tear fell down his cheek and Cas couldn’t hold it anymore, he let the tears flow and Dean wiped a few away with his thumb. You would hear silent sobbing from the crowd as Dean slipped the ring on Cas’ finger. They smiled at each other and their eyes were locked together.

“Castiel? You can say yours now.” His dad said and Castiel took a deep breath, trying to stop crying.

“Dean” he started with a shaky breath “I don’t know if I can top that” he put some pressure on the word top and Dean cracked a smile, knowing what he meant. “I love you, I have for a very long time, you know that, and I’m so happy I get to spend the rest of my life with you. We’re now writing a binding contract.”

Dean laughed and Cas did to, drying a tear, no one understood what was so funny, but they didn’t care, this was their little secret.

“Anyway, Dean, you bring so much joy into my life and I don’t regret applying for that internship, I might not have gotten the job, but I got something much better. I got you, and I couldn’t wish for anything better, not that I want to. With you I feel safe, loved, happy and being with you is the best that has ever happened to me. You complete me and I can’t imagine life without you, truth is, I don’t want to. A life without you, isn’t a life at all. We have had our rough times, but you pulled me out of hell, saved my life, you are truly an angel walking on earth. You’re not only my lover, but also my bestfriend. Sorry Anna”.

He turned his head and he could see Anna smiling, then he turned back to Dean.

“Dean Winchester, I love you and nothing will ever change that.”

Castiel slid the ring on Dean’s finger and when he looked back up he saw more than one tear roll down his cheek, they were flooding, and Cas wiped them away, noticing he was crying as well.

“Do you Dean Winchester, take, Castiel Novak, to be your husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part”

“I do”

Tears.

“And then I ask you, Do you Castiel Novak, take, Dean Winchester, to be your husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part,?”  

“I do”

Smiles.

“Now that Dean and Castiel have given themselves to each other by solemn vows, with the joining of hands and the giving and receiving of a ring, I pronounce that they are husband and husband. You may now kiss the groom”.

Dean smiled at Castiel before he cupped his cheeks with both his hands and leaned in. When their lips met, for the first time as a married couple and Castiel kissed his husband for the first time, as Castiel Winchester, spark flew and there were no one else there but them. Castiel placed his hands on his hips and Dean smiled into the kiss, before pulling away and the he whispered

“Castiel Winchester, I love you”


End file.
